i need women who are divorced to answer my Q
ive been married for over 10 years,got 3 kids,i never really had a job,been home mom all this time
i want a divorce,but im scared i wont make it on my own,hubby's been the only bread winner all this time,we bought a house ,will he get the house and would i be able to keep it since im gonna have the kids
how do i get back to work,ive got no qualifications,cause i got married very young and at the time being a stay home mom i didnt think it was a bad idea,but now i see it was a huge mistake
if any woman that has gone through this before can give me some advice it would be very appreciated...thank uCan anybody give me some advice about divorce,please?
Im not a female so I apologize but I may be able to help you here. There are womens help groups out here that can helpyou. You will be awarded custody of the kids with child support and possible spousal support too. Now since the Judges dont like the kids to be on the street you will get the house too. A womans help group may may be able to help you get the training you need to land a good job especially in nursing and its huge demand. Now being scared is normal as this is change and change is scary but you need to know that youre not alone out here and helpis only an asking away. If I can be of any more help my email address is thunder_wright@yahoo.com so please feel free to email me and Ill try to help.. Good luckCan anybody give me some advice about divorce,please?
Since I don't know where you live, I don't know what type of services your community has. There are places where a woman can go to get education, and career counseling. You should get 1/2 the home's worth, and child support. I am not sure about the alimony. Please see your attorney and get some additional info from him/her.
It depends what state you live in. Try to talking to a lawyer, Before divorce you can go to school and get a trade, and then get a job and save your money then leave I hope this is an abuse situation if it is go to the police station and dam the house. you will get real fast
Divorce is horrible but i would only do what i right for you and your kids.
It's a reasonable and valid fear. You don't state your grounds. I divorced an alcoholic/ addict when my son was in diapers. He's 12. Divorce can leave a man very bitter and he might become a crappy father, so be careful how you leave, if you can. With some of them, there's nothing you can do.
I'm an attorney and we have struggled financially the entire time, but I was in school when he left, got stuck with a ton of debt and made a decision to run my practice mostly from home to be here with my son.
Factor in the finances, because it's real.
Get a job now and start getting your own financial future in order just as soon as you can. Or, work the marriage out if you can because it will ultimately be cheaper in the long run.
Mary in Camden, MI
NOTE~
happy above is not exactly correct, you will not get ';half of the homes worth'; as she says but half of the equity. So if the home is valued at 100k and you owe 90k, there would be 10k in equity and you'd be entitled to half of that which would equal 5k. BUt keep one thing in mind, property values have dropped so you may actually be upside down in the house right now.
I'm so sick of hearing this. Too many women come on here saying that they want a divorce, but they are affraid that they won't be able to make it because they don't have a job so they want to know if the husband will have to support them even after divorce.
How about being a woman and getting a JOB? Why do you need to depend on him or any man for any reason at all? It's women like you that give other women a bad image. Get your fat bon bon eating butt off the couch and get a job! That's how you can make it.
let him have everything but kids. you can move into a low income housing and go to school, you will get more with the state, if i could divorce my x again i would have givin him everything and i would have started completely over.in the area that i live in they wil even help you buy a house. go back to school and further your education. you will be just fine.it's hard and a scarey thing to be on your own but alot of women have done it and been just fine. you will to.
its never to late to do anything hun i ain't a women but my wife did it with 2 infants if hes a true man he will help ya out and be there for the kids and help ya financially because it will be whats best for the kids he loves them i bet an wants them an you to be happy you can allways find some job somewhere if he does get the house apartments an lofts can be found it will be hard at first but you sound like a strong will woman and i wish ya the best of luck granted i am a man but i really do mean it
Friday, April 30, 2010
How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
my parents are getting a divorce. my mum is with some other guy who was meant to be my future uncle. i have to pretend that i am happy for them so that i don't cause an arguement. i feel that i am to blame for my parents splitting up. what can i do to stop me blaming myself? how do i cope with the divorce? i have to explain to my brothers and sisters what is happening because they are too young to understand. one of my sisters is 13 but she is happy with them being together so i cant talk to her. who can i talk to?How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
I am sorry you have to go through this. You should, first and foremost, understand that your parents aren't divorcing you. I know this doesn't always help but, they both love you.
I figure you are between the age of 14 and 17 and so I realize that it has to be hardest on you and I am surprised that your parents didn't keep you children as much as possible out of the story behind the divorce. You need to sit down with your parents one on one and explain to them how you feel. Don't let them start brow beating each other but, simply have them tell you the reasons behind the divorce. I am sure that you are not one of them. Good luck.
It's the parents who get divorced but, usually it's the children who suffer the most.How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
its NEVER your fault if your parents divorce. i had a friend when i was younger and her parents divorced and she went to divorce counesling and it helped her with it. good luck
REMEMBER! Your parent's divorce is NOT YOUR FAULT!
THEY CAN'T get along together anymore.I'm SURE they both love you alot still.
Its not your fault your parents are getting divorced.. They will continue to love you and your siblings regardless of what happens.. As far as explaining to your siblings what is happening.. maybe tell your parents how you are feeling and ask for a ';family conference';
You are not to blame. Are you to blame if your dad is laid off from his job? Are you to blame if your mom gets a speeding ticket? Trust me, you're not to blame about this either.
You cannot control what your parents are doing(divorce) and you are definitely not the cause of divorce. Don't let anybody make you feel including yourself that you are the blame. For you this is a very intense situation because you feel this is not right-your family changing the way it is. Your parents are the people that need to explain to your siblings why/what is going on that is not your burden. If they don't, they are being selfish by passing the buck on to you.
Remember you cannot control how the fact of the divorce and the who and what of this situation but you can control how you react to this. You need to accept the fact that there is going to be change (which is stressful) but learn how to go with the flow.
Even if your parents made the statement to you ';you are the reason we are getting divorced '; it is B.S. The reason they are getting divorced has to do with themselves not you.
i don't think it necessary for you to act happy. you should be allowed to just be neutral. i mean you still have a dad right. now you have a stepdad. also. perhaps your mama has just been unhappy for so long that she can't believe her luck. time will tell if she made a good choice. giving or not giving your approval won't change the future. nothing you did in the past caused the divorce. believe me kids just do not know all the inner workings between parents. alot goes on behind closed doors that children are not aware of. and you certainly are not responsible. you are a child. your two parents are both adults.
Why would you even think that you are someone to blame for your parents divorce? It can't be possible.
It is so sad that they are getting a divorce, but what was it like when they were together. Were they unhappy? If so, I'm sure it affected you and your brothers and sisters. Was it a miserable atmosphere? Did they always fight?
If they were unhappy, then try to look on the bright side. Is your mother happy now? Is your father happy now? You could still enjoy both parents. You should also be able to tell them how you feel and how it's affecting you without an argument.
No matter what, that was their own personal problem and if they fell out of love, then they made the right decision. It could never be something to blame on you.
Now get your self respect, pride and value and stay close to both parents and your brothers and sisters. You sound like the intelligent one that could make everyone's life better. I wish you all the luck. God Bless
You are not to blame for your parents splitting up. You can talk to your parents about your feelings, why you think you are to blame and how you can't explain to your younger bothers and sisters what is happening because you yourself don't understand.
Just by reading your question I can tell your a very caring person and will become a stronger person.
I am sorry you have to go through this. You should, first and foremost, understand that your parents aren't divorcing you. I know this doesn't always help but, they both love you.
I figure you are between the age of 14 and 17 and so I realize that it has to be hardest on you and I am surprised that your parents didn't keep you children as much as possible out of the story behind the divorce. You need to sit down with your parents one on one and explain to them how you feel. Don't let them start brow beating each other but, simply have them tell you the reasons behind the divorce. I am sure that you are not one of them. Good luck.
It's the parents who get divorced but, usually it's the children who suffer the most.How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
its NEVER your fault if your parents divorce. i had a friend when i was younger and her parents divorced and she went to divorce counesling and it helped her with it. good luck
REMEMBER! Your parent's divorce is NOT YOUR FAULT!
THEY CAN'T get along together anymore.I'm SURE they both love you alot still.
Its not your fault your parents are getting divorced.. They will continue to love you and your siblings regardless of what happens.. As far as explaining to your siblings what is happening.. maybe tell your parents how you are feeling and ask for a ';family conference';
You are not to blame. Are you to blame if your dad is laid off from his job? Are you to blame if your mom gets a speeding ticket? Trust me, you're not to blame about this either.
You cannot control what your parents are doing(divorce) and you are definitely not the cause of divorce. Don't let anybody make you feel including yourself that you are the blame. For you this is a very intense situation because you feel this is not right-your family changing the way it is. Your parents are the people that need to explain to your siblings why/what is going on that is not your burden. If they don't, they are being selfish by passing the buck on to you.
Remember you cannot control how the fact of the divorce and the who and what of this situation but you can control how you react to this. You need to accept the fact that there is going to be change (which is stressful) but learn how to go with the flow.
Even if your parents made the statement to you ';you are the reason we are getting divorced '; it is B.S. The reason they are getting divorced has to do with themselves not you.
i don't think it necessary for you to act happy. you should be allowed to just be neutral. i mean you still have a dad right. now you have a stepdad. also. perhaps your mama has just been unhappy for so long that she can't believe her luck. time will tell if she made a good choice. giving or not giving your approval won't change the future. nothing you did in the past caused the divorce. believe me kids just do not know all the inner workings between parents. alot goes on behind closed doors that children are not aware of. and you certainly are not responsible. you are a child. your two parents are both adults.
Why would you even think that you are someone to blame for your parents divorce? It can't be possible.
It is so sad that they are getting a divorce, but what was it like when they were together. Were they unhappy? If so, I'm sure it affected you and your brothers and sisters. Was it a miserable atmosphere? Did they always fight?
If they were unhappy, then try to look on the bright side. Is your mother happy now? Is your father happy now? You could still enjoy both parents. You should also be able to tell them how you feel and how it's affecting you without an argument.
No matter what, that was their own personal problem and if they fell out of love, then they made the right decision. It could never be something to blame on you.
Now get your self respect, pride and value and stay close to both parents and your brothers and sisters. You sound like the intelligent one that could make everyone's life better. I wish you all the luck. God Bless
You are not to blame for your parents splitting up. You can talk to your parents about your feelings, why you think you are to blame and how you can't explain to your younger bothers and sisters what is happening because you yourself don't understand.
Just by reading your question I can tell your a very caring person and will become a stronger person.
Divorce sucks.any advice?
well my parents are getting divorced. but they are already seperated. but my mom is in texas and im in north carolina. and im living with my dad. im not sure who to pick to live with. i feel like im being ripped in
two. if i move to texas then i will be loosing half of my friends. and if i stay here then i will.get to see my mom in the summer and at christmas and stuff. but all my moms family is in texas. but i feel like my mom is being selfish. i dont wanna live in texas. and i think im staying here. cause i have liveed here my whole life. just tell me what you would do please? thank you so much.Divorce sucks.any advice?
Thanks for answering my question about Tattoos. I've been divorced for 8 years now. When the Ex and I decided to get divorced, the first thing we agreed on was that our son came first. We agreed that we would Never use him to get back at one another. Unfortunately that is what a lot of parents do and they don't even realize it. Be sure to tell both of your parents about this and have them agree to each other not to do this. Also, my Ex and I went through some counseling while we were separated so we could learn how to talk to each other without being hurtful. It has helped a lot and we are now very good friends.
Talk to your parents and let them know how you feel about this divorce and how it has effected your life. Tell them what you want and hopefully they will put you and your needs before their own.Divorce sucks.any advice?
You wrote that your Mom's family is in Texas, so that is why she probably needed to settle there. That is, maybe she needed family to help her get on her feet or her career is in Texas, etc. Thank goodness you are not loosing either parent and you get to see both often. Do what feels comfortable to you. If you change your mind down the road you still have a ';home'; to go to.
Not all decisions need to be made right now. I moved from Michigan to North Carolina in November. My daughter completed her junior year in Michigan and decided to move to NC this summer and finish school down here. I did not push for this. My family is in NC. My ex husbands family is in MI. I thought my daughter was staying in MI. She changed her mind.
Make the choice that is best for you. Take your time.
I am sorry to tell you this but it seems like your mom has picked her family over you.Why did she move so far away anyways?Doesn't she miss you,doesn't she want to be close to you?Ask you mom to move close to you.I would never leave my kids.I don't care about the rest.If i don't see them one day,my heart aches.sorry,just being honest here.
If you think divorce sucks when you are an affected child,
You ought to try living through it as a parent.
You have to think about what is best for your children, even if it rips you apart inside.
Sorry I can't help you. Yes Divorce Sucks.
I hope it gets better for you
Good luck
Go where you think you'll be happy. My parents split when I was 12 and it was so strange for me. They didn't move far apart but things get easier. Good luck and god bless
stay wherever you feel like, and visit them time to time, it's all cool- do whatever you like
while i can not tell you where to live, one thing i have to say is that while your mum may seem like she is being selfish, you should not judge her too harshly on it. when your mum gave birth to you, she gave up a big part of her life and who she is. if she has been living in an unhappy marriage for a while, then she has been giving up a lot just to try to keep you and your family together. i know that you just think of her as your mum, but she is a person to, and needs love and growth and all the things that people want from life. if she can get them in texas, then don't be angry at her. she might need and want her family around when she is going through this hard time.
the situation is not ideal, but don't be too angry at either of your parents. they are people too, just like you, and neither of them have all the answers. they both will make mistakes and sometimes will want to put their desires first too. but it will never mean they love you any less - just that they need something else out of life as well.
i hope that makes sense. good luck. it can be a hard time, but i am sure your friends will stay in touch no matter what you decide to do.rosacea treatment
two. if i move to texas then i will be loosing half of my friends. and if i stay here then i will.get to see my mom in the summer and at christmas and stuff. but all my moms family is in texas. but i feel like my mom is being selfish. i dont wanna live in texas. and i think im staying here. cause i have liveed here my whole life. just tell me what you would do please? thank you so much.Divorce sucks.any advice?
Thanks for answering my question about Tattoos. I've been divorced for 8 years now. When the Ex and I decided to get divorced, the first thing we agreed on was that our son came first. We agreed that we would Never use him to get back at one another. Unfortunately that is what a lot of parents do and they don't even realize it. Be sure to tell both of your parents about this and have them agree to each other not to do this. Also, my Ex and I went through some counseling while we were separated so we could learn how to talk to each other without being hurtful. It has helped a lot and we are now very good friends.
Talk to your parents and let them know how you feel about this divorce and how it has effected your life. Tell them what you want and hopefully they will put you and your needs before their own.Divorce sucks.any advice?
You wrote that your Mom's family is in Texas, so that is why she probably needed to settle there. That is, maybe she needed family to help her get on her feet or her career is in Texas, etc. Thank goodness you are not loosing either parent and you get to see both often. Do what feels comfortable to you. If you change your mind down the road you still have a ';home'; to go to.
Not all decisions need to be made right now. I moved from Michigan to North Carolina in November. My daughter completed her junior year in Michigan and decided to move to NC this summer and finish school down here. I did not push for this. My family is in NC. My ex husbands family is in MI. I thought my daughter was staying in MI. She changed her mind.
Make the choice that is best for you. Take your time.
I am sorry to tell you this but it seems like your mom has picked her family over you.Why did she move so far away anyways?Doesn't she miss you,doesn't she want to be close to you?Ask you mom to move close to you.I would never leave my kids.I don't care about the rest.If i don't see them one day,my heart aches.sorry,just being honest here.
If you think divorce sucks when you are an affected child,
You ought to try living through it as a parent.
You have to think about what is best for your children, even if it rips you apart inside.
Sorry I can't help you. Yes Divorce Sucks.
I hope it gets better for you
Good luck
Go where you think you'll be happy. My parents split when I was 12 and it was so strange for me. They didn't move far apart but things get easier. Good luck and god bless
stay wherever you feel like, and visit them time to time, it's all cool- do whatever you like
while i can not tell you where to live, one thing i have to say is that while your mum may seem like she is being selfish, you should not judge her too harshly on it. when your mum gave birth to you, she gave up a big part of her life and who she is. if she has been living in an unhappy marriage for a while, then she has been giving up a lot just to try to keep you and your family together. i know that you just think of her as your mum, but she is a person to, and needs love and growth and all the things that people want from life. if she can get them in texas, then don't be angry at her. she might need and want her family around when she is going through this hard time.
the situation is not ideal, but don't be too angry at either of your parents. they are people too, just like you, and neither of them have all the answers. they both will make mistakes and sometimes will want to put their desires first too. but it will never mean they love you any less - just that they need something else out of life as well.
i hope that makes sense. good luck. it can be a hard time, but i am sure your friends will stay in touch no matter what you decide to do.
Does anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
I'm worried that my husband will not leave our house and I will have to. I would have been gone weeks ago but I run a daycare from our home. If I leave I'm afraid I will not get custody because I will not have an income, and will be living with my mother and sharing a room with my two year old.
However I am his primary care provider. I am home with him all day. I care for him in the evenings. I bath him, feed him, take him to appointments, do his laundry, grocery shopping, ect.
My ';husband'; decided to get a second job, even though our income was fine. I believe he may have taken this job to get away from me, or to look better in court with a huge income. He makes a little more than doubble what I make and if I pack up and leave will I still stand a chance of getting custody without a home or job?
I will not loose my son but I will not stay with this beast. Unfortunately I can't prove him to be a bad father, he does not do drugs, does not smoke... however he also does not care about our child. As I said he works all the time and even when he's home I have to take our son with me to go shopping or to the library to do homework (i'm a full time student). He belittles me and treats me like crap, even in front of our son and my daycare kids. Call me names, curses, throws things.
I can not live with him anymore, anyone have advice on ensuring custody?
(I'm also pregnant, not sure if that matters)Does anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
good thing he has second job he'll need it to pay the child support. if you own the home it will have to be sold and profits split 50/50 or you get to stay there and split mortgage paymentsDoes anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
You don't ever leave your home.
He has to leave not you. This is your home and this is where you raise your family and have a business.
If he doesn't want to leave - limit him to where he can go in the house - make it miserable for him.
He calls you names, curses and throws things so you let him impregnate you again. What were you thinking? It's likely that you will retain physical custody, but that he will be granted liberal visitation. If you breastfeed the baby, visitation would be delayed due to that (only of the baby).
Abusive men often threaten to take the kids as a means of control. Don't let him scare you.
Call 800.799.SAFE for some local domestic violence resources.
However I am his primary care provider. I am home with him all day. I care for him in the evenings. I bath him, feed him, take him to appointments, do his laundry, grocery shopping, ect.
My ';husband'; decided to get a second job, even though our income was fine. I believe he may have taken this job to get away from me, or to look better in court with a huge income. He makes a little more than doubble what I make and if I pack up and leave will I still stand a chance of getting custody without a home or job?
I will not loose my son but I will not stay with this beast. Unfortunately I can't prove him to be a bad father, he does not do drugs, does not smoke... however he also does not care about our child. As I said he works all the time and even when he's home I have to take our son with me to go shopping or to the library to do homework (i'm a full time student). He belittles me and treats me like crap, even in front of our son and my daycare kids. Call me names, curses, throws things.
I can not live with him anymore, anyone have advice on ensuring custody?
(I'm also pregnant, not sure if that matters)Does anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
good thing he has second job he'll need it to pay the child support. if you own the home it will have to be sold and profits split 50/50 or you get to stay there and split mortgage paymentsDoes anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
You don't ever leave your home.
He has to leave not you. This is your home and this is where you raise your family and have a business.
If he doesn't want to leave - limit him to where he can go in the house - make it miserable for him.
He calls you names, curses and throws things so you let him impregnate you again. What were you thinking? It's likely that you will retain physical custody, but that he will be granted liberal visitation. If you breastfeed the baby, visitation would be delayed due to that (only of the baby).
Abusive men often threaten to take the kids as a means of control. Don't let him scare you.
Call 800.799.SAFE for some local domestic violence resources.
I need some advice about divorce!!!?
I have been married for 4 years and my husband has previously cheated on me with his ex 3 times, one of those producing a child who is the same age as one of my own little one's.
I took him back and he said he would change, but low and behold 6 months on he is going out and staying out all night appearing at 6, 4, 1, 2 o'clock in the morning with an excuse that he has been with a mate.
This morning he rolled in at 6.30 after going on a business meeting last night with his boss. He promised he would be in by 8pm. He came in covered in blood and looked like he had a broken hand.
I told him to leave and I never want to see him again until he has grown up and stops hanging around with a load of 19 year old kids (we are 26)
It hasn't sunk in yet, but I need some helpful tips and advice to get over the next few weeks. I am totally heartbroken because when I said my vows I actually meant them! I am studying part-time to get a degree, have a full-time job and 4 children to look after.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Rally in the troops: your mom, your girlfriends, your sister, your brother, or anyone else in your support system.
Buy a lot of ice cream.
Rent some comedies.
Make dinner plans with friends and family.
Make weekend plans with friends and family.
Pour yourself into being SuperMom.
Get on Y/A and answer lots of questions.
Get a good lawyer.
Get a massage.
Get a pedi and a mani.
Treat yourself to a new outfit.
Most important: Realize he is doing you a favor. Pretty soon you will be free to find someone who respects you and would much rather be at home with you than out catting around.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Here's some much needed advice:
WORK THINGS OUT..
dont just leave..
marriage isnt easy, not this, not any other..
you need to be supportive..
Dont expect everything to be absolutely perfect like a fairytale marriage..
Those are stuff that you see on TV..
I know you can work things out.. please give it a try..
a divorce is just going to make things worse, trust me..
remember, nobody's perfect..
If he wants to act single then maybe he needs to be.
He does need to grow up! Divorce is not an easy thing either.
Work on you and the kids.
why on earth aren't you calling the cops??? covered in BLOOD?? Come on........that's very serious.
shock him, file for divorce
He comes in injured and bleeding, and instead of trying to help him you want a divorce? What's wrong with you?
I took him back and he said he would change, but low and behold 6 months on he is going out and staying out all night appearing at 6, 4, 1, 2 o'clock in the morning with an excuse that he has been with a mate.
This morning he rolled in at 6.30 after going on a business meeting last night with his boss. He promised he would be in by 8pm. He came in covered in blood and looked like he had a broken hand.
I told him to leave and I never want to see him again until he has grown up and stops hanging around with a load of 19 year old kids (we are 26)
It hasn't sunk in yet, but I need some helpful tips and advice to get over the next few weeks. I am totally heartbroken because when I said my vows I actually meant them! I am studying part-time to get a degree, have a full-time job and 4 children to look after.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Rally in the troops: your mom, your girlfriends, your sister, your brother, or anyone else in your support system.
Buy a lot of ice cream.
Rent some comedies.
Make dinner plans with friends and family.
Make weekend plans with friends and family.
Pour yourself into being SuperMom.
Get on Y/A and answer lots of questions.
Get a good lawyer.
Get a massage.
Get a pedi and a mani.
Treat yourself to a new outfit.
Most important: Realize he is doing you a favor. Pretty soon you will be free to find someone who respects you and would much rather be at home with you than out catting around.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Here's some much needed advice:
WORK THINGS OUT..
dont just leave..
marriage isnt easy, not this, not any other..
you need to be supportive..
Dont expect everything to be absolutely perfect like a fairytale marriage..
Those are stuff that you see on TV..
I know you can work things out.. please give it a try..
a divorce is just going to make things worse, trust me..
remember, nobody's perfect..
If he wants to act single then maybe he needs to be.
He does need to grow up! Divorce is not an easy thing either.
Work on you and the kids.
why on earth aren't you calling the cops??? covered in BLOOD?? Come on........that's very serious.
shock him, file for divorce
He comes in injured and bleeding, and instead of trying to help him you want a divorce? What's wrong with you?
I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
ok well we have been together for about 3 yrs married for 1 and have an 11 month old baby. Ever since we got together he had a problem with drinking. Not bad. now he got worse, when his friends come over they find an excuse to leave and end up coming home at 4 5 6 in the morning drunk and with no more money. I have just had about enough. I am not happy like this. I know I deserve better I take really good care of our daughter i cook i clean i wash. I'm just so scared of divorce, but I can't stand living with someone who keeps putting me through all those sleepless nights. Please give me some advice.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
You and the child deserve better. Tell him the two of you need to get into couples counseling immediately, or he'll need to get a lawyer because divorce is the other option.
Not only is that situation not healthy for you (mentally or emotionally) but it's not a happy environment to raise a child in either. He needs to learn where his priorities should be...or he can send you a child support check each month.
Best wishes he pulls his head out of his azz before you two have to leave to find a better life.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
Have you tried talking to your husband about it? It's a tough situation when you two have a kid together and a divorce comes in mind but what has to be done has to be done.
The best I can give you is to sit down and talk to him and see his response and how he's going to react. If it keeps up, then probably consider that divorce.
Thats tough. You need to think about your daughter right now. Is she safe in the household? I believe heavily in marriage but your daughter has to be safe, he needs to seek help. Ask him to. Tell him your thinking about leaving, and say he is hurting his daughter and your marriage with his actions. If he truly cares he will stop. I'm sure his daughter means a lot to him. If not then whats the use? Follow your motherly instinct. Good luck!
You need Al-Anon, for you, very desperately. Look online for a group near you, and please give it a chance.
Don't expect that he is going to change, however. All you can control is you and your actions - and since he was drinking from the start (why did you marry him and have a kid when you knew he was a drinker?) it is exceedingly unlikely he will change. And you are messing up not just your life, but your baby's as well.
I know divorce sounds horrible but at the same time, he is not being responsible. If you don't put your foot down and threaten to leave, then he'll never change. If your not happy, then neither will your child be. What kind of example is he setting for the baby? It sounds like he needs to join AA.
Do you want to raise your children with a drunk? If not, time to move on.
Ask him to go to AA meetings, or get consoling, or you might have to part ways
i think u should dump the dood!,take your bby w/ you and get a divorce
6 months ago you asked the same...6 months from now you will ask again...just leave him now and move on....stop wasting your time and our time....
I presume you're young and he's still partying; don't give up. A key thing is he is going out and drinking with friends; he has more issues with responsibility than with alcoholism.
Many young couples just don't know how to handle the changes and responsibilities of new parenthood while also maintaining their relationship. As a new mother you see him failing as a father. As a new father he sees you failing as a wife.
You can read about half of the book in the source online with a bn account. It's marriage-counseling written down.
You are the one that wants change so the onus of change in on you.
Don't do ';nothing'; and expect things to get better.
Go read all about the divorces laws in your state and read about the custody laws. In your situation you are basically guaranteed custody. If you have a home and you have a decent lawyer you will be able to buy him out (since you will have custody.)
Then read about the child-support laws; you'll get roughly 25% of his check for one child.
It should help reduce some anxiety about it once you have a decent idea how it will all shake out should it come to that.
If you do divorce, you will have to do everything yourself.
Objectively, anything he does now makes you life better.
';50/50'; marriages end. It is not practical and creates a sentiment of expectation they will ';pull their weight';. That means you *take for granted* the 50% (or however much) they do instead of appreciating what they contribute.
Many young fathers respond with denial and distancing as their sexy girlfriends are suddenly mothers and completely occupied with the baby.
It's not ';fair'; but the reality is you have to rope him back into the relationship and if you take a 'baby comes first' attitude towards everything then the marriage is going to end.
Once you accept divorce as a final outcome you need to have a serious conversation with your husband.
Tell him you don't want a divorce and you are willing to work on your marriage but he has to be willing to work on it as well and that means changing the way he spends his time. Commit six-months to a year working to make things better. Set-backs and false-starts happen; keep at it.
If he refuses then it's time for divorce.
Negotiate for change.
Love is an action verb - a choice; if you actively love each the feelings follow.
Every major religion in the world says the marriage comes first.
Food for thought.
First the person that said get him to eat bread is a dork. That is a MYTH!! it doesnt help only time can sober you up. But to answer the question if he doesnt get the help he needs you should leave and still support him in rehab when he choses to take it because your daughter needs to know her daddy if he is a daddy and not just someone who fathered a child. Make you and your daughter's life stable that is all you can do. What he does is out of your hands..
These are not your only 2 options. Generally, people need to hit ROCK bottom before giving up drinking, but it's not an overnight process. You need to attend some AA meetings for spouses %26amp; get some good info %26amp; support.
You also need to leave or separate yourself from him - either he moves out or you do. No need to divorce just yet - but you cannot be subject to this %26amp; more importantly - neither should your daughter.
On another note, if you got together with him even when you KNEW he had a drinking problem, you should get some therapy yourself to find out why you settled for this kind of life. Otherwise your daughter will make the same poor choice you did instead of finding a real healthy loving relationship. Get out for her sake, go to AA %26amp; start there.
You shouldnt stay with someone that your not happy with. Think about yourself and your beautiful baby. My mother stayed with my father and he kept doing the same mean things over and over again when she forgave him each time. They are now divorced. She is happier now though and they were together for years. I had to go through their divorce when i got older ( 19 ) .. Three weeks ago this happened. But I went through them fighting and my dads problems I would have to see everyday. Dont leave it too late if your not happy do whats best for you and your child.
Good Luck.
He is married to his work and now he needs to realize if he wants kids , there is not too much time left but a good woman is what he needs to understand him ., Hes far more educated in the ways of this world and therefore ,maybe hes lost the reality of loving a partner and maybe this is all he needs . He needs to find someone who cherishes marriage and wants a lifetime together but most of all someone he trust . In His position this is #1 . I understand this.
I know how you feel, partially.
Try asking him the all or nothing question, ';You can choose, your beer, or your daughter?';
You should also tell him that it's fine to have a drink every now and then, but it's not good to get drunk constantly.
You should try talking him into getting the beers with low alcohol.
Maybe you can find some really great drinks that he might be interested in, like smoothies, or a certain pop.
And if he gets drunk, try to get him to eat as much bread as possible, because it absorbs the alcohol.
I have an alcoholic father. Not only does it add stress to the household, but it also creates a financial problem when then funds run low, his drinking gets worse and he starts to ';drink up'; money needed for bills and baby necessities. It is not good for your baby to have a father with an expensive addiction. Her needs are more important than alcohol.
If I were you, I would tell him that he needs to attend an AA meeting and admit that he has a problem. If he refuses to do this, then he is refusing to seek help and therefore his problem can (and will) get worse as the years go on. If he refuses to seek help, threaten to leave him. If that doesn't ';wake him up';, then leave him.
Well you don't want your baby growing up looking at a drunken father.
Sit down with him when he is sober and in attentive mood and tell him you are not happy with the way he is carrying on.
He is a husband/dad now and needs to be responsible.
Tell him you will leave if he keeps it up and follow through with your threat if he ignores you.
What he is doing is binge drinking and it will only get worse. If it continues leave for a while, go stay with family or a friend just to let him know you mean business. If that is not enough for him to change his ways then get out now.
You and the child deserve better. Tell him the two of you need to get into couples counseling immediately, or he'll need to get a lawyer because divorce is the other option.
Not only is that situation not healthy for you (mentally or emotionally) but it's not a happy environment to raise a child in either. He needs to learn where his priorities should be...or he can send you a child support check each month.
Best wishes he pulls his head out of his azz before you two have to leave to find a better life.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
Have you tried talking to your husband about it? It's a tough situation when you two have a kid together and a divorce comes in mind but what has to be done has to be done.
The best I can give you is to sit down and talk to him and see his response and how he's going to react. If it keeps up, then probably consider that divorce.
Thats tough. You need to think about your daughter right now. Is she safe in the household? I believe heavily in marriage but your daughter has to be safe, he needs to seek help. Ask him to. Tell him your thinking about leaving, and say he is hurting his daughter and your marriage with his actions. If he truly cares he will stop. I'm sure his daughter means a lot to him. If not then whats the use? Follow your motherly instinct. Good luck!
You need Al-Anon, for you, very desperately. Look online for a group near you, and please give it a chance.
Don't expect that he is going to change, however. All you can control is you and your actions - and since he was drinking from the start (why did you marry him and have a kid when you knew he was a drinker?) it is exceedingly unlikely he will change. And you are messing up not just your life, but your baby's as well.
I know divorce sounds horrible but at the same time, he is not being responsible. If you don't put your foot down and threaten to leave, then he'll never change. If your not happy, then neither will your child be. What kind of example is he setting for the baby? It sounds like he needs to join AA.
Do you want to raise your children with a drunk? If not, time to move on.
Ask him to go to AA meetings, or get consoling, or you might have to part ways
i think u should dump the dood!,take your bby w/ you and get a divorce
6 months ago you asked the same...6 months from now you will ask again...just leave him now and move on....stop wasting your time and our time....
I presume you're young and he's still partying; don't give up. A key thing is he is going out and drinking with friends; he has more issues with responsibility than with alcoholism.
Many young couples just don't know how to handle the changes and responsibilities of new parenthood while also maintaining their relationship. As a new mother you see him failing as a father. As a new father he sees you failing as a wife.
You can read about half of the book in the source online with a bn account. It's marriage-counseling written down.
You are the one that wants change so the onus of change in on you.
Don't do ';nothing'; and expect things to get better.
Go read all about the divorces laws in your state and read about the custody laws. In your situation you are basically guaranteed custody. If you have a home and you have a decent lawyer you will be able to buy him out (since you will have custody.)
Then read about the child-support laws; you'll get roughly 25% of his check for one child.
It should help reduce some anxiety about it once you have a decent idea how it will all shake out should it come to that.
If you do divorce, you will have to do everything yourself.
Objectively, anything he does now makes you life better.
';50/50'; marriages end. It is not practical and creates a sentiment of expectation they will ';pull their weight';. That means you *take for granted* the 50% (or however much) they do instead of appreciating what they contribute.
Many young fathers respond with denial and distancing as their sexy girlfriends are suddenly mothers and completely occupied with the baby.
It's not ';fair'; but the reality is you have to rope him back into the relationship and if you take a 'baby comes first' attitude towards everything then the marriage is going to end.
Once you accept divorce as a final outcome you need to have a serious conversation with your husband.
Tell him you don't want a divorce and you are willing to work on your marriage but he has to be willing to work on it as well and that means changing the way he spends his time. Commit six-months to a year working to make things better. Set-backs and false-starts happen; keep at it.
If he refuses then it's time for divorce.
Negotiate for change.
Love is an action verb - a choice; if you actively love each the feelings follow.
Every major religion in the world says the marriage comes first.
Food for thought.
First the person that said get him to eat bread is a dork. That is a MYTH!! it doesnt help only time can sober you up. But to answer the question if he doesnt get the help he needs you should leave and still support him in rehab when he choses to take it because your daughter needs to know her daddy if he is a daddy and not just someone who fathered a child. Make you and your daughter's life stable that is all you can do. What he does is out of your hands..
These are not your only 2 options. Generally, people need to hit ROCK bottom before giving up drinking, but it's not an overnight process. You need to attend some AA meetings for spouses %26amp; get some good info %26amp; support.
You also need to leave or separate yourself from him - either he moves out or you do. No need to divorce just yet - but you cannot be subject to this %26amp; more importantly - neither should your daughter.
On another note, if you got together with him even when you KNEW he had a drinking problem, you should get some therapy yourself to find out why you settled for this kind of life. Otherwise your daughter will make the same poor choice you did instead of finding a real healthy loving relationship. Get out for her sake, go to AA %26amp; start there.
You shouldnt stay with someone that your not happy with. Think about yourself and your beautiful baby. My mother stayed with my father and he kept doing the same mean things over and over again when she forgave him each time. They are now divorced. She is happier now though and they were together for years. I had to go through their divorce when i got older ( 19 ) .. Three weeks ago this happened. But I went through them fighting and my dads problems I would have to see everyday. Dont leave it too late if your not happy do whats best for you and your child.
Good Luck.
He is married to his work and now he needs to realize if he wants kids , there is not too much time left but a good woman is what he needs to understand him ., Hes far more educated in the ways of this world and therefore ,maybe hes lost the reality of loving a partner and maybe this is all he needs . He needs to find someone who cherishes marriage and wants a lifetime together but most of all someone he trust . In His position this is #1 . I understand this.
I know how you feel, partially.
Try asking him the all or nothing question, ';You can choose, your beer, or your daughter?';
You should also tell him that it's fine to have a drink every now and then, but it's not good to get drunk constantly.
You should try talking him into getting the beers with low alcohol.
Maybe you can find some really great drinks that he might be interested in, like smoothies, or a certain pop.
And if he gets drunk, try to get him to eat as much bread as possible, because it absorbs the alcohol.
I have an alcoholic father. Not only does it add stress to the household, but it also creates a financial problem when then funds run low, his drinking gets worse and he starts to ';drink up'; money needed for bills and baby necessities. It is not good for your baby to have a father with an expensive addiction. Her needs are more important than alcohol.
If I were you, I would tell him that he needs to attend an AA meeting and admit that he has a problem. If he refuses to do this, then he is refusing to seek help and therefore his problem can (and will) get worse as the years go on. If he refuses to seek help, threaten to leave him. If that doesn't ';wake him up';, then leave him.
Well you don't want your baby growing up looking at a drunken father.
Sit down with him when he is sober and in attentive mood and tell him you are not happy with the way he is carrying on.
He is a husband/dad now and needs to be responsible.
Tell him you will leave if he keeps it up and follow through with your threat if he ignores you.
What he is doing is binge drinking and it will only get worse. If it continues leave for a while, go stay with family or a friend just to let him know you mean business. If that is not enough for him to change his ways then get out now.
I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
My friend is married and he and his wife are on the rocks, but that's irregardless to this question. Well, my friend (the married man) had about $87,900 saved in an account that he had in California.This money is money that he earned prior to the marriage due to the line of work he was in,as well as some money he received from serving as a Navy Seal.So, he had this money, it was HIS money, in his account, private, etc. His wife knew about it, though, of course. Well, she decided to TAKE that money and transfer it into an account for their newborn son (for his life, under his SSN) without asking the husband, and she will not give him access to the money now, because she opened the account on behalf of their baby using her name.So, basically, she stole it- even though they are married, etc.Is there any legal action that can be taken on the husband's part to get that money back, since she did not consult him first, and/or does he have any legal rights to gain access to the account?I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
Agree with other Answer - you're not getting the whole story!
If it were to be something like you said, either
1. her name was on the account in order for it to move. It becomes community property and is half hers
2. She forged his name ... that is a crime and he would have recourse. The downside is that that money is ';in play'; in divorce proceedings ... it will likely go to attorney's fees and /or used to ';balance'; community property ... or possibly used to support wife and child if she decides she wants to stay in community home.
Oh - those are CA laws - even my scenarios probably aren't much help. They sure are fun, though, aren't they?I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
Well your friend isn't telling you quite the whole story, because there isn't a bank in CA that would let anyone just transfer money unless they were joint on the account as a co-signer. If he was the sole payee on the account she would have had to either forge his name or get him to sign for the transfer. Banks have tight policies on that.
He's doing the old ';look what she did to me'; routine that everyone does when they get divorced to their friends. Believe about 10% of it and you'll be about right.
As you say, you need a lawyer - hire one.
We're just amateurs here.
Agree with other Answer - you're not getting the whole story!
If it were to be something like you said, either
1. her name was on the account in order for it to move. It becomes community property and is half hers
2. She forged his name ... that is a crime and he would have recourse. The downside is that that money is ';in play'; in divorce proceedings ... it will likely go to attorney's fees and /or used to ';balance'; community property ... or possibly used to support wife and child if she decides she wants to stay in community home.
Oh - those are CA laws - even my scenarios probably aren't much help. They sure are fun, though, aren't they?I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
Well your friend isn't telling you quite the whole story, because there isn't a bank in CA that would let anyone just transfer money unless they were joint on the account as a co-signer. If he was the sole payee on the account she would have had to either forge his name or get him to sign for the transfer. Banks have tight policies on that.
He's doing the old ';look what she did to me'; routine that everyone does when they get divorced to their friends. Believe about 10% of it and you'll be about right.
As you say, you need a lawyer - hire one.
We're just amateurs here.
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