Well me and my (hopefully soon-to-be) ex husband have broken up. but now after just a week of me leaving he has already been having flings with other people! i just dont want to be married to him anymore and move on with my life!
Now i do have evidence against him on cheating but don't know if i should go about even using it... getting a divorce or just a separation??
Please any advice can help.i have no idea what to do or know where to start..Help~! I need some advice on getting a separation or a divorce?
Well you need to divorce him. You want one, so give him one. Cheating can help prove your case in court and money settlements;0Help~! I need some advice on getting a separation or a divorce?
Make sure you print the evidence from where he was cheating. I would get a divorce. Besides there are better fish in the sea. You even admitted that you don't want to be married to him anymore and move on with your life. So what's the use of separating if you want to move on with your life? I wish you the best in court and also in finding the right one. God has the right one for you. You just have to look. Good luck.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Advice on Divorce?
I have been thinking about getting a divorce. My husband has not physically cheated on me that I know of but he has done some things on the phone as in taking pictures of himself and getting pictures of girls including my best friend. He cannot save money and is in so much debt. I am just emotionally tired of it. He doesn't help out around the house but he is a very good dad to out little boy. I have asked him many times to save money b/c we need to get bills paid off but he continues to do the opposite. I need advice on how to handle this situationAdvice on Divorce?
He can still be a good father to your child after a divorce.Advice on Divorce?
You answered your question while asking it, he doesnt do anything in the home, work, and yet he is sitting there disrespecting you with pictures, why is your best friend giving him pictures of herself. Why is she still your best friend if she did this.
You and him need to seperate you can tell him that its because he has no ambition and while he is a good fatherbut it entails more than just spending quality time with the child ,he needs to be a good husband as well. For he has a family and that should be his priority and not being on the phone or anything else like that. He is letting you take on all the responsibility and that is not fair too you at all.
You are doing it by yourself so in my opinion you need to file for the divorce and move on with your life. If you want you can file a seperation and see if that will get him to snap back to reality and get him to do what he needs too do. Let him know that being married is not a game and if he wants to continue doing what he is doing then he can get out and do it somewhere else
Honey, I've been a husband and father for 21 years. Part of being a MAN and a good father is taking care of your family. That means handling money like a grownup, not like a boy. Perhaps the reason you feel he's a good father is because he's ';pals'; with your son, ie: they're at the same emotional level. Being a good father doesn't mean being friends with your kids-it means being a teacher, coach, guide, disciplinarian, providing them with a safe home, putting food on the table, etc. Sorry to sound so cold, but that's the reality.
As far as trading pics with other women- are you kidding? You didn't go into details about the pics, but I can imagine there may be far less tame pics than you know about. As innocent as he probably makes this sound, it hurts you-and that should be reason enough for him to NOT do it. Better yet, he never should have done that in the first place. I'm curious as to his reasoning for this behavior.
My advise would be to write down some specific issues you feel are problems in your marriage, send your son to Grandma's for the night, and have a sit down with your husband. It's important to write a list so you don't miss any important points, especially if he argues with you. Let him know how you feel, and what needs to change in your relationship. Make it clear to him that you have a right to have certain expectations in your marriage, and if he isn't willing to make changes, that you'll ';need time to rethink your future';. I wouldn't makes threats of divorce (not yet). Now is the time to clearly express your dipleasure, and see how willing (if at all) he is to work on changes. If not, the threat of divorce is your last option, but use it cautiously.
On a final note, does he have any complaints about you that you feel are legitimate? Does he claim that he trades pics with other women because your sex life is lacking? I do not think it's a good reason, BTW. The point is, if you're giving him a list of improvements he needs to work on, he may come up with a few for you to also work on. Give him a chance to speak as well. Listen to what he says (in fact write them down), and tell him you'll consider them. The idea here is that you demonstrate a willingness to work on the marriage also, in essence, you have an opportunity to set the example. See how things go. Good luck.
From what I've found out,Not a good gound for divorce,yet.Try talking to him,again.Do some more research on the specuative cheating.Good luck!
I think it all depends if you want it to work or not. If you love him and want it to work, maybe you should consider marriage counseling to work through the problems. He may be against that, but if he wants things to work then that, to me, is the best option.
If you do not want things to work out, and you are sure that you want to move on, then you need to start looking into a divorce. Perhaps talk to a lawyer for a free consultation and see what your rights are and what your entitlements will be.
Lastly, in terms of him showing himself to other women...try talking to him about it and if that doesnt work, that's where the counseling will pay off.
I hope this helps!! Good luck!liquid eye liner
He can still be a good father to your child after a divorce.Advice on Divorce?
You answered your question while asking it, he doesnt do anything in the home, work, and yet he is sitting there disrespecting you with pictures, why is your best friend giving him pictures of herself. Why is she still your best friend if she did this.
You and him need to seperate you can tell him that its because he has no ambition and while he is a good fatherbut it entails more than just spending quality time with the child ,he needs to be a good husband as well. For he has a family and that should be his priority and not being on the phone or anything else like that. He is letting you take on all the responsibility and that is not fair too you at all.
You are doing it by yourself so in my opinion you need to file for the divorce and move on with your life. If you want you can file a seperation and see if that will get him to snap back to reality and get him to do what he needs too do. Let him know that being married is not a game and if he wants to continue doing what he is doing then he can get out and do it somewhere else
Honey, I've been a husband and father for 21 years. Part of being a MAN and a good father is taking care of your family. That means handling money like a grownup, not like a boy. Perhaps the reason you feel he's a good father is because he's ';pals'; with your son, ie: they're at the same emotional level. Being a good father doesn't mean being friends with your kids-it means being a teacher, coach, guide, disciplinarian, providing them with a safe home, putting food on the table, etc. Sorry to sound so cold, but that's the reality.
As far as trading pics with other women- are you kidding? You didn't go into details about the pics, but I can imagine there may be far less tame pics than you know about. As innocent as he probably makes this sound, it hurts you-and that should be reason enough for him to NOT do it. Better yet, he never should have done that in the first place. I'm curious as to his reasoning for this behavior.
My advise would be to write down some specific issues you feel are problems in your marriage, send your son to Grandma's for the night, and have a sit down with your husband. It's important to write a list so you don't miss any important points, especially if he argues with you. Let him know how you feel, and what needs to change in your relationship. Make it clear to him that you have a right to have certain expectations in your marriage, and if he isn't willing to make changes, that you'll ';need time to rethink your future';. I wouldn't makes threats of divorce (not yet). Now is the time to clearly express your dipleasure, and see how willing (if at all) he is to work on changes. If not, the threat of divorce is your last option, but use it cautiously.
On a final note, does he have any complaints about you that you feel are legitimate? Does he claim that he trades pics with other women because your sex life is lacking? I do not think it's a good reason, BTW. The point is, if you're giving him a list of improvements he needs to work on, he may come up with a few for you to also work on. Give him a chance to speak as well. Listen to what he says (in fact write them down), and tell him you'll consider them. The idea here is that you demonstrate a willingness to work on the marriage also, in essence, you have an opportunity to set the example. See how things go. Good luck.
From what I've found out,Not a good gound for divorce,yet.Try talking to him,again.Do some more research on the specuative cheating.Good luck!
I think it all depends if you want it to work or not. If you love him and want it to work, maybe you should consider marriage counseling to work through the problems. He may be against that, but if he wants things to work then that, to me, is the best option.
If you do not want things to work out, and you are sure that you want to move on, then you need to start looking into a divorce. Perhaps talk to a lawyer for a free consultation and see what your rights are and what your entitlements will be.
Lastly, in terms of him showing himself to other women...try talking to him about it and if that doesnt work, that's where the counseling will pay off.
I hope this helps!! Good luck!
I am wanting a divorce and need advice?
I bought a Jeep got the loan on my credit alone, got the vehicle and he called the dealer to have his name added to the title without my knowledge. He threatens to leave and take the Jeep and it will reflect my credit not his if he doesn't make the payments. He had a truck reposed in 2004 and still owes 5,000. How can I stop this legally?I am wanting a divorce and need advice?
Get a lawyer and do it fast.
Get a lawyer and do it fast.
Difficulty dating during before my divorce is final. Any advice?
I am going through a divorce and have reconnected with an old friend who definitely wants to date but doesn't want to do it officially until my divorce is final. She is reluctant to date a married man (even though I won't be in a few months). Is there any argument I can give her to see that my marriage is over (my spouse cheated on me) and all thats left is the legal wranglingDifficulty dating during before my divorce is final. Any advice?
personally i believe a marriage is over when either of the parties breaks their vows to each other, the same way a partnership contract is ended when one partner steals from another. the paperwork is just for the lawyers and for the state and to make money out of us. i consider myself divorced from the day i walked out, but like you, i am waiting for the final paperwork, and for the state to decide when they think i should be declared divorced or not. my viewpoint, morals and ethics are between me and god, not between me and the state. unfort, many ';divorcing'; couples still try to rekindle old flames, and your lady friend has no way in knowing if you are one of them or not. she is protecting herself from any possible hurt, and like many, she probably views marriage as a legal state based institution, which she is entitled to. just continue to ';be there';, lay of the pressure and be grateful for her support. a few months is no big deal - look forward to it - its good for the imagination lol. good luckDifficulty dating during before my divorce is final. Any advice?
if this old friend is someone you would really like to reconnect with and she wants the divorce to be final...why can you not keep it casual as friends for a couple of months and date when everything is done with.....
why are you pushing her to do something she doesn't want to?
if you like her, wait. otherwise you're just trying to get in her pants and she probably senses that
Tell her you have moved on. There is nothing wrong with reconnecting with her. You feel though as she doesnt want to reconnect with you. Make sure you are what she wants. Its seems she would still be hesitant even if you were single.
Just wait until your divorce is final. If it's important to her you need to respect that.
No argument I could or would give. In fact I would take her advice and clean up one complication in your life before you start another complication. It's just nice to know someone is there waiting for you. She is willingly giving you the opportunity and time you need to create stability in your life so she can be with you.
There's nothing wrong with dating her, but you have to put yourself in her shoes. She probably doesn't want to get burnt if you decide to back out of the divorce at the last minute. I would just keep it casual with her for now...lunches, dinners, etc. Three months will pass by very quickly.
She wants to date you, and sounds like she's willing to wait. She may have ';heard it all before'; from other married men....who remained married. It's not to say that you'll do that, but consider her point of view.
Frankly, I think you should take a Girl Break and get your head straight. You didn't leave your marriage because you didn't love your wife, she cheated on you. That's good enough reason to leave, but rather than run out and get involved again, put some distance between yourself and the end of your marriage. If you still want to get with your old friend, then do that but take it slow.
Also consider that the divorce is a process that will have your attention until it's over. If I were dating you, I'm not sure that I'd want to be updated on the status of your divorce or what thing went wrong (or right) in court. I may feel compelled to ask just to be polite.
Get through your divorce; get yourself in a position where it's a done deal and not rolling around in your mind. It sounds like she'll wait.
Her issue is probably more a moral issue. She isn't avoiding dating you because she is afraid you will get back with your wife, she is waiting because her morals tell her that it isn't right to date you until you are legally single again. Don't try to push her into something she doesn't feel is right. This would be a selfish action on your part and a bad beginning to the relationship. Honor her request to wait. This doesn't mean you can't hang out as friends though. Spending time together without the pressure of being ';together'; will be a good way to get reconnected and know each other on a more basic level before taking it further. Be patient with her and show her that you respect her wishes.
Just wait till you're divorced dude. Looks better on you if the soon to be X finds out before the divorce is final.
I feel your pain, I been going through the process of divorce now starting the third year since I filed. I have tried dating during that time frame but your life is truly in limbo. It is very hard for anyone starting a new relationship without the baggage of divorce happening at the same time. If you have a docket number and going through the process you have establish that you are separated and working to finish the divorce you can date. If you see the light at the end of tunnel then wait for the divorce. If you need to spend time building up your social life without the chains of dating try joining groups of interest to you and you will begin to heal from the past relationships and meet others to share your spare time with. You need to be happy with yourself before you try to have any type of relationship. Good luck.
no, because the marriage is not over until all the paperwork is done.
Most likely not, but hey look at it this way, at least she has morals! Which in this day and time is something not a lot of people have.
you cant even commit to married and you want to date no Wonder
she cheated on you
Some people have a hard time dating people who are still legally married. It's just the way they are %26amp; you aren't going to change it. You can tell her until you're blue in the face that you're getting divorced but maybe to her you are still married.
She is very wise.
Put an end to your marriage totally and legally.
Then go see her.
You don't argue with someone over her principled position.
You'd be much better off if you were respectful of those principles, good natured about the wait, and told her she was worth that wait.
If you push this, you'll blow it.
Patience, Sparky.
No, your marriage is over --- all but the paperwork... Cheating is the big dealbreaker just about not recaoverable, and a no brainer to end. If marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, the trust is gone, and the rest of it is down the tubes.---if there is no trust, there is nothing...... She should be able to understand this.... You are married in paper only, not emotionally, and that is the important part. Hope this helps.
It is against martial law to date while married. You need to show her the papers stating that the marriage is officially over. It is in the constitution. Updates at 11:00 p.m.
What is the rush? Sounds like she has more integrity than you do.
you answered your own question. just wait then.
no arguement...respect her wishes. You'll destroy the relationship by destroying her convictions. Remember, you're the one going through the divorce. Finish dealing with what you're a part of, and then invite her into your life.
If you are not living with your ex and not seeing your ex socially, then it makes no sense to me why you can't be dating someone else. I've been separated for 5 years and financially it doesn't make sense to divorce yet. I consider myself single or divorced socially..but I am legally married. I don't see a reason to legally divorce unless I or my spouse wants to get remarried. Why not date?? Providing you really aren't living with (but not sleeping with..sure), involved with, etc etc half in and half out of your marriage...then i would understand someone not believing your marriage was really over.
How about dating ';unofficially';? I think as long as you two keep in touch (coffee, lunch, nothing too date-ish) it'll show her your serious intentions. However, she may think that you're on the rebound and doesn't want to be that ';rebound'; girl. She may also see you as damaged goods.
Good luck!
You cannot make her do something that she doesn't wish to. Respect her decision, stay in touch and let her know that when you are finally free and single you would very much like to date her.
personally i believe a marriage is over when either of the parties breaks their vows to each other, the same way a partnership contract is ended when one partner steals from another. the paperwork is just for the lawyers and for the state and to make money out of us. i consider myself divorced from the day i walked out, but like you, i am waiting for the final paperwork, and for the state to decide when they think i should be declared divorced or not. my viewpoint, morals and ethics are between me and god, not between me and the state. unfort, many ';divorcing'; couples still try to rekindle old flames, and your lady friend has no way in knowing if you are one of them or not. she is protecting herself from any possible hurt, and like many, she probably views marriage as a legal state based institution, which she is entitled to. just continue to ';be there';, lay of the pressure and be grateful for her support. a few months is no big deal - look forward to it - its good for the imagination lol. good luckDifficulty dating during before my divorce is final. Any advice?
if this old friend is someone you would really like to reconnect with and she wants the divorce to be final...why can you not keep it casual as friends for a couple of months and date when everything is done with.....
why are you pushing her to do something she doesn't want to?
if you like her, wait. otherwise you're just trying to get in her pants and she probably senses that
Tell her you have moved on. There is nothing wrong with reconnecting with her. You feel though as she doesnt want to reconnect with you. Make sure you are what she wants. Its seems she would still be hesitant even if you were single.
Just wait until your divorce is final. If it's important to her you need to respect that.
No argument I could or would give. In fact I would take her advice and clean up one complication in your life before you start another complication. It's just nice to know someone is there waiting for you. She is willingly giving you the opportunity and time you need to create stability in your life so she can be with you.
There's nothing wrong with dating her, but you have to put yourself in her shoes. She probably doesn't want to get burnt if you decide to back out of the divorce at the last minute. I would just keep it casual with her for now...lunches, dinners, etc. Three months will pass by very quickly.
She wants to date you, and sounds like she's willing to wait. She may have ';heard it all before'; from other married men....who remained married. It's not to say that you'll do that, but consider her point of view.
Frankly, I think you should take a Girl Break and get your head straight. You didn't leave your marriage because you didn't love your wife, she cheated on you. That's good enough reason to leave, but rather than run out and get involved again, put some distance between yourself and the end of your marriage. If you still want to get with your old friend, then do that but take it slow.
Also consider that the divorce is a process that will have your attention until it's over. If I were dating you, I'm not sure that I'd want to be updated on the status of your divorce or what thing went wrong (or right) in court. I may feel compelled to ask just to be polite.
Get through your divorce; get yourself in a position where it's a done deal and not rolling around in your mind. It sounds like she'll wait.
Her issue is probably more a moral issue. She isn't avoiding dating you because she is afraid you will get back with your wife, she is waiting because her morals tell her that it isn't right to date you until you are legally single again. Don't try to push her into something she doesn't feel is right. This would be a selfish action on your part and a bad beginning to the relationship. Honor her request to wait. This doesn't mean you can't hang out as friends though. Spending time together without the pressure of being ';together'; will be a good way to get reconnected and know each other on a more basic level before taking it further. Be patient with her and show her that you respect her wishes.
Just wait till you're divorced dude. Looks better on you if the soon to be X finds out before the divorce is final.
I feel your pain, I been going through the process of divorce now starting the third year since I filed. I have tried dating during that time frame but your life is truly in limbo. It is very hard for anyone starting a new relationship without the baggage of divorce happening at the same time. If you have a docket number and going through the process you have establish that you are separated and working to finish the divorce you can date. If you see the light at the end of tunnel then wait for the divorce. If you need to spend time building up your social life without the chains of dating try joining groups of interest to you and you will begin to heal from the past relationships and meet others to share your spare time with. You need to be happy with yourself before you try to have any type of relationship. Good luck.
no, because the marriage is not over until all the paperwork is done.
Most likely not, but hey look at it this way, at least she has morals! Which in this day and time is something not a lot of people have.
you cant even commit to married and you want to date no Wonder
she cheated on you
Some people have a hard time dating people who are still legally married. It's just the way they are %26amp; you aren't going to change it. You can tell her until you're blue in the face that you're getting divorced but maybe to her you are still married.
She is very wise.
Put an end to your marriage totally and legally.
Then go see her.
You don't argue with someone over her principled position.
You'd be much better off if you were respectful of those principles, good natured about the wait, and told her she was worth that wait.
If you push this, you'll blow it.
Patience, Sparky.
No, your marriage is over --- all but the paperwork... Cheating is the big dealbreaker just about not recaoverable, and a no brainer to end. If marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust, the trust is gone, and the rest of it is down the tubes.---if there is no trust, there is nothing...... She should be able to understand this.... You are married in paper only, not emotionally, and that is the important part. Hope this helps.
It is against martial law to date while married. You need to show her the papers stating that the marriage is officially over. It is in the constitution. Updates at 11:00 p.m.
What is the rush? Sounds like she has more integrity than you do.
you answered your own question. just wait then.
no arguement...respect her wishes. You'll destroy the relationship by destroying her convictions. Remember, you're the one going through the divorce. Finish dealing with what you're a part of, and then invite her into your life.
If you are not living with your ex and not seeing your ex socially, then it makes no sense to me why you can't be dating someone else. I've been separated for 5 years and financially it doesn't make sense to divorce yet. I consider myself single or divorced socially..but I am legally married. I don't see a reason to legally divorce unless I or my spouse wants to get remarried. Why not date?? Providing you really aren't living with (but not sleeping with..sure), involved with, etc etc half in and half out of your marriage...then i would understand someone not believing your marriage was really over.
How about dating ';unofficially';? I think as long as you two keep in touch (coffee, lunch, nothing too date-ish) it'll show her your serious intentions. However, she may think that you're on the rebound and doesn't want to be that ';rebound'; girl. She may also see you as damaged goods.
Good luck!
You cannot make her do something that she doesn't wish to. Respect her decision, stay in touch and let her know that when you are finally free and single you would very much like to date her.
Will you ask your friends to give advice if you are divorce by your husband?
Friends are friends. If you think they can help and/or comfort you then give it a shot. Chances are they will help.
Seperated, headed for divorce and need advice on Bankruptcy .?
Has anyone filed bankruptcy due to overwhelming debt accumulated during a marriage? Does it affect just the person who files or both of you? Did it help you rebuild your credit/life %26amp; how long before you're not looked at as a risk to creditors? ThanksSeperated, headed for divorce and need advice on Bankruptcy .?
Divorce is one of the leading reasons for filing a bankruptcy case. Two households cost more than one.
Bankruptcy only affects the person who files it.
It takes, on the average of 2-4 years to really rebuild your credit. However, it starts to improve right away after filing a bankruptcy case when you are paying normal obligations on normal terms.Seperated, headed for divorce and need advice on Bankruptcy .?
Yes , if it's your dept then your credit is bad!
if your separated and getting a divorce then it's only yours that will be damaged.
now a days filing bankruptcy is not as easy as it was years ago where all your debt's are wiped out and you get a clean slate...you will have to go through credit counseling first..and 20 yrs ago after getting divorced at age 23 i did file bankruptcy and it stayed on my credit report for what seemed like forever and it took a long time to repair the credit or even get credit again
It effects both of you if you both your names are on bills. It takes about 10 yrs. to get credit straightned out. Word of advice...try not to file bankruptcy, try to find ways around it or get help from one of them companys that help put all your bills together and you just pay one payment. Wished I had and sorry I don't know of there names, i just seen them on t.v.
i don't believe in devorce, but depending where you live and on there laws about devorce and bankruptcy, you need to do some research. but what i do know is that if you in a marriage every thing is community propertiy which is what debt you have while you were married even if it's his only and he got it while you were married, so wait untill the devorce is final and everything is brought up in devorce court and you know what you have to pay then you file for bankruptcy but not before the devorce. and bankruptcy stays on your record for 10 years depending on where you live. if you file before your devorce and the devorce judge tells you to pay half of whatever, then once you bankruptcy is discharged which is about 5 years, then you will have to start paying off you devorce judgement so wait untill you go in front of the judge so you know what you have to pay but if you don't have to go in front of a judge then find ot if you ex is asking you to pay anything and make sure you get copies of everything and any promise s get them and everything in writting. sorry so long i hope you understand what i was trying to say
Divorce is one of the leading reasons for filing a bankruptcy case. Two households cost more than one.
Bankruptcy only affects the person who files it.
It takes, on the average of 2-4 years to really rebuild your credit. However, it starts to improve right away after filing a bankruptcy case when you are paying normal obligations on normal terms.Seperated, headed for divorce and need advice on Bankruptcy .?
Yes , if it's your dept then your credit is bad!
if your separated and getting a divorce then it's only yours that will be damaged.
now a days filing bankruptcy is not as easy as it was years ago where all your debt's are wiped out and you get a clean slate...you will have to go through credit counseling first..and 20 yrs ago after getting divorced at age 23 i did file bankruptcy and it stayed on my credit report for what seemed like forever and it took a long time to repair the credit or even get credit again
It effects both of you if you both your names are on bills. It takes about 10 yrs. to get credit straightned out. Word of advice...try not to file bankruptcy, try to find ways around it or get help from one of them companys that help put all your bills together and you just pay one payment. Wished I had and sorry I don't know of there names, i just seen them on t.v.
i don't believe in devorce, but depending where you live and on there laws about devorce and bankruptcy, you need to do some research. but what i do know is that if you in a marriage every thing is community propertiy which is what debt you have while you were married even if it's his only and he got it while you were married, so wait untill the devorce is final and everything is brought up in devorce court and you know what you have to pay then you file for bankruptcy but not before the devorce. and bankruptcy stays on your record for 10 years depending on where you live. if you file before your devorce and the devorce judge tells you to pay half of whatever, then once you bankruptcy is discharged which is about 5 years, then you will have to start paying off you devorce judgement so wait untill you go in front of the judge so you know what you have to pay but if you don't have to go in front of a judge then find ot if you ex is asking you to pay anything and make sure you get copies of everything and any promise s get them and everything in writting. sorry so long i hope you understand what i was trying to say
Ok yes divorce is the only answer so how do i prepare myself? Anyone with divorce experince, advice?
There's no hope for my 7 year marriage i know it he knows it I'm just scared. I am a mother of two now a stay at home mother going to college. I don't want my kids to have anything but the obvious changed for them, so I am looking for a job to fix the income issue. But what advice does anyone have for a woman like myself who is 27 with two kids and preparing for a divorce. I may sound terrible to men out there but my kids are everything and I don't' want them to have to suffer anymore than they will..Ok yes divorce is the only answer so how do i prepare myself? Anyone with divorce experince, advice?
It's best if the two of you work out child support, visitation schedule and remain friendly for the sake of the kids even if your attorney's are urging you to get all you can from your ex. If the adults start sniping at each other it's going to be harder on the kids. Sign the kids up for Big Brothers %26amp; Big Sisters. Make sure to have a meeting with the school counselor, principal and teachers so they know whats going on. They could help you monitor your childrens potential problems at school. The kids could also benefit from some family counseling...with and without your soon to be ex. It's important that the kids know they weren't the cause of the divorce and that mom %26amp; dad will still be there for them. Don't play them against the other parent by asking them to spy or asking questions about your spouse (is dad seeing someone?). Get your feet on the ground solidly under you (job, daycare if appropriate, house or apartment, savings for emergencies) before dating, be honest with the kids about dating, be honest with the guys you date (yes I have 2 wonderful kids but right now I'm looking to meet new people, not to get immediatley into a relationship) and tell your ex your dating. Try to treat your ex as a not so close friend--don't confide everything but don't hide things either. If he's willing, keep him involved in the normal 'family' things.
When I divorced, I tried to keep my ex's family involved in the kids' lives. They chose to close the kids out as did my ex. He didn't pay chld support and didn't see them. For 16 to18 years, I bit my tongue when they kids asked about dad. My standard line was ';remember when you were little, how dad was always at work? I think he's still working a lot of hours';. Ultimately it paid off. When he contacted them after 17 years of no contact and told them I prevented him from seeing them or talking to him, the kids knew it for the lie it was. My oldest daughter wrote a scathing 2 page latter to her father that she handed to him after court, telling him he had no right to refer to himself as father, that he himself proved what a jerk he was, that mom was both parents and was there whenever they needed anything, that mom was the one who took care of sick kids, cars, etc. She told him that I was her hero and that there wasn't anything I couldn't do and that he should be ashamed of himself for neglecting his responsibilities and that from this point forward, he was never going to be thought of again. (Made me cry to read how much she defended me) I never in all those years said anything about my ex unless the kids asked and my answers were vague to protect them. They knew the truth and nothing he would say or do could persuade them to consider his viewpoint since he himself proved he didn't care--no phone calls, letters or visits in almost 18 years proved it more clearly than his feeble attempts to win them to his side.Ok yes divorce is the only answer so how do i prepare myself? Anyone with divorce experince, advice?
Sorry but the kids are going to suffer, there is just no way to avoid it. You are talking about turning their whole world upside down. One very important rule that you must always obey, force yourself to, do not ever talk bad about or lambast the other parent in front of them. The kids only know that they love you both, so if one parent or the other is being attacked, they will naturally gravitate to that parent.
Rule #1: NEVER talk down their father.
Rule #2: The divorce is between the two of you, not them. NEVER talk to him THROUGH your kids.
Rule #3: The kids come first.
Rule #4: The kids come first.
Rule #5: The kids come first.
If you both work hard to love them to bits, not only will they be better, the two of you will learn to live in each other's presence without recrimination and anger. Learning to be OK with your EX is the best thing you can do for your kids.
( A thumbs Down for this answer??....lol...bite me! I stand by this one!)
Never ever allow yourself to use the kids to get money or anything else out of your soon to be ex. Never use the kids as a weapon. When he gets remarried do not be nasty to the new wife or allow your children to be nasty to her. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex. Do not take more in the divorce then is fair. Do not make ridiculous demands in the divorce papers. Unless your ex is LEGALLY an unfit parent, give him pure joint custody with no primary (this is completely doable in many states).
the kids will suffer because all they want is mom and dad together. he has to stay active in their lives and both you and him don't put the other down in front of the kids. i have seen a mother destroy her kids lives bye putting the kids in the middle of the b.s. games try to remain adults and care for the children and their needs. good luck it will be hard.
i know you have had alot of answere's to your question, but there is only one thing that can fix this...God, im telling you, its the best solution......when i was little my parents got divorced and to this day i still cry about it!
God can change everything...just pray and read the Bible, be totally comitted! (He understands!)
watch ';FireProof';
You are doing the right thing. You know it won't work and it is time to end it.
The kids will suffer some, but you will do what you need to to minimize their suffering. Keep their dad in their lives and don't bad mouth him.
My advice is this.
Tell him you want a divorce.
Get a good attorney (but not a bulldog unless he gets one. If he does, get yourself one too).
File for divorce and get it over with.
Move out or have him move out.
Keep positive communication going with your spouse.
Don't use the children as a bargaining chip.
Make sure they see their dad often. Welcome him into the home to visit and play with them if you can tolerate it.
You are young, young, young. Tell yourself that. You have plenty of time to get yourself established into a new life and if you want to date again later, you can do that too.
Really, the world is at your feet! Don't let a bad marriage keep you down.
Also...if you have done something harmful to cause the marriage to end, you need to tell him you are sorry.
Because you have children with this man my best advice to you is to try very hard to make the divorce go as easily as possible. I can only hope that you and your husband can part on a good basis and keep in mind that these children need to know both their parents. If you get custody you will also be granted child support so be sure that you do receive it as ordered. Right now, do find some work even if it means you have to be away from your children for the time. Start saving some money and prepare to be able to find a suitable home for you and the kids if you aren't able to stay in the one you are in. Prepare yourself for a number of emotions you will experience because one by one they will hit you. Face each emotion and handle yourself with confidence and pride. Good luck and I sincerely hope that you can part on a friendlier basis than most couples do for the sake of these precious children.
Focus on children only. If a man cannot be an asset to your family, dont bother. Dont allow men in your house, around your children or in your bed. {There are programs to assist you through this. Look into those programs. Make sure in the divorce decree that you claim both children on taxes. Sometimes attorneys use this as a bargining tool and you end up taken advantage of while you still raise, educate and provide while in some cases dont get the child support needed. No tax breaks for dad. Make sound decisions now which are reflected in the decree.. Years from now may be too late. Take your time and never sigh on the doted line until you have advise from a trusted person with wisdom. Your childrens future depends on your decisions made today. Good luck
I am 28 and a mother of two and have been married 4 years and I know exactly how you feel because I am going through the same thing. I am a stay at home mom and really scared as well. Its almost like staying in the marriage and dealing with the crap is easier but in the end its the kids who are hurting the most by staying. Sorry I can't tell you what to do because I don't even know but just know you aren't the only one going through this even though right now it might feel like you are. I guess your best bet is talking with family and friends and letting them know is a good idea so they can be there to support you. Being alone during a time like this is the worst. Good luck to you and your kids.
It's best if the two of you work out child support, visitation schedule and remain friendly for the sake of the kids even if your attorney's are urging you to get all you can from your ex. If the adults start sniping at each other it's going to be harder on the kids. Sign the kids up for Big Brothers %26amp; Big Sisters. Make sure to have a meeting with the school counselor, principal and teachers so they know whats going on. They could help you monitor your childrens potential problems at school. The kids could also benefit from some family counseling...with and without your soon to be ex. It's important that the kids know they weren't the cause of the divorce and that mom %26amp; dad will still be there for them. Don't play them against the other parent by asking them to spy or asking questions about your spouse (is dad seeing someone?). Get your feet on the ground solidly under you (job, daycare if appropriate, house or apartment, savings for emergencies) before dating, be honest with the kids about dating, be honest with the guys you date (yes I have 2 wonderful kids but right now I'm looking to meet new people, not to get immediatley into a relationship) and tell your ex your dating. Try to treat your ex as a not so close friend--don't confide everything but don't hide things either. If he's willing, keep him involved in the normal 'family' things.
When I divorced, I tried to keep my ex's family involved in the kids' lives. They chose to close the kids out as did my ex. He didn't pay chld support and didn't see them. For 16 to18 years, I bit my tongue when they kids asked about dad. My standard line was ';remember when you were little, how dad was always at work? I think he's still working a lot of hours';. Ultimately it paid off. When he contacted them after 17 years of no contact and told them I prevented him from seeing them or talking to him, the kids knew it for the lie it was. My oldest daughter wrote a scathing 2 page latter to her father that she handed to him after court, telling him he had no right to refer to himself as father, that he himself proved what a jerk he was, that mom was both parents and was there whenever they needed anything, that mom was the one who took care of sick kids, cars, etc. She told him that I was her hero and that there wasn't anything I couldn't do and that he should be ashamed of himself for neglecting his responsibilities and that from this point forward, he was never going to be thought of again. (Made me cry to read how much she defended me) I never in all those years said anything about my ex unless the kids asked and my answers were vague to protect them. They knew the truth and nothing he would say or do could persuade them to consider his viewpoint since he himself proved he didn't care--no phone calls, letters or visits in almost 18 years proved it more clearly than his feeble attempts to win them to his side.Ok yes divorce is the only answer so how do i prepare myself? Anyone with divorce experince, advice?
Sorry but the kids are going to suffer, there is just no way to avoid it. You are talking about turning their whole world upside down. One very important rule that you must always obey, force yourself to, do not ever talk bad about or lambast the other parent in front of them. The kids only know that they love you both, so if one parent or the other is being attacked, they will naturally gravitate to that parent.
Rule #1: NEVER talk down their father.
Rule #2: The divorce is between the two of you, not them. NEVER talk to him THROUGH your kids.
Rule #3: The kids come first.
Rule #4: The kids come first.
Rule #5: The kids come first.
If you both work hard to love them to bits, not only will they be better, the two of you will learn to live in each other's presence without recrimination and anger. Learning to be OK with your EX is the best thing you can do for your kids.
( A thumbs Down for this answer??....lol...bite me! I stand by this one!)
Never ever allow yourself to use the kids to get money or anything else out of your soon to be ex. Never use the kids as a weapon. When he gets remarried do not be nasty to the new wife or allow your children to be nasty to her. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex. Do not take more in the divorce then is fair. Do not make ridiculous demands in the divorce papers. Unless your ex is LEGALLY an unfit parent, give him pure joint custody with no primary (this is completely doable in many states).
the kids will suffer because all they want is mom and dad together. he has to stay active in their lives and both you and him don't put the other down in front of the kids. i have seen a mother destroy her kids lives bye putting the kids in the middle of the b.s. games try to remain adults and care for the children and their needs. good luck it will be hard.
i know you have had alot of answere's to your question, but there is only one thing that can fix this...God, im telling you, its the best solution......when i was little my parents got divorced and to this day i still cry about it!
God can change everything...just pray and read the Bible, be totally comitted! (He understands!)
watch ';FireProof';
You are doing the right thing. You know it won't work and it is time to end it.
The kids will suffer some, but you will do what you need to to minimize their suffering. Keep their dad in their lives and don't bad mouth him.
My advice is this.
Tell him you want a divorce.
Get a good attorney (but not a bulldog unless he gets one. If he does, get yourself one too).
File for divorce and get it over with.
Move out or have him move out.
Keep positive communication going with your spouse.
Don't use the children as a bargaining chip.
Make sure they see their dad often. Welcome him into the home to visit and play with them if you can tolerate it.
You are young, young, young. Tell yourself that. You have plenty of time to get yourself established into a new life and if you want to date again later, you can do that too.
Really, the world is at your feet! Don't let a bad marriage keep you down.
Also...if you have done something harmful to cause the marriage to end, you need to tell him you are sorry.
Because you have children with this man my best advice to you is to try very hard to make the divorce go as easily as possible. I can only hope that you and your husband can part on a good basis and keep in mind that these children need to know both their parents. If you get custody you will also be granted child support so be sure that you do receive it as ordered. Right now, do find some work even if it means you have to be away from your children for the time. Start saving some money and prepare to be able to find a suitable home for you and the kids if you aren't able to stay in the one you are in. Prepare yourself for a number of emotions you will experience because one by one they will hit you. Face each emotion and handle yourself with confidence and pride. Good luck and I sincerely hope that you can part on a friendlier basis than most couples do for the sake of these precious children.
Focus on children only. If a man cannot be an asset to your family, dont bother. Dont allow men in your house, around your children or in your bed. {There are programs to assist you through this. Look into those programs. Make sure in the divorce decree that you claim both children on taxes. Sometimes attorneys use this as a bargining tool and you end up taken advantage of while you still raise, educate and provide while in some cases dont get the child support needed. No tax breaks for dad. Make sound decisions now which are reflected in the decree.. Years from now may be too late. Take your time and never sigh on the doted line until you have advise from a trusted person with wisdom. Your childrens future depends on your decisions made today. Good luck
I am 28 and a mother of two and have been married 4 years and I know exactly how you feel because I am going through the same thing. I am a stay at home mom and really scared as well. Its almost like staying in the marriage and dealing with the crap is easier but in the end its the kids who are hurting the most by staying. Sorry I can't tell you what to do because I don't even know but just know you aren't the only one going through this even though right now it might feel like you are. I guess your best bet is talking with family and friends and letting them know is a good idea so they can be there to support you. Being alone during a time like this is the worst. Good luck to you and your kids.
Mentally ill MIL wants to divorce FIL advice please!!?
Mother in law is mentally ill with psychosis and alcoholic scizoprenhia (poor spelling sorry) she has been sectioned twice in the last 2 years and has just been discharged from hospital and living elsewhere now she wants a divorce after 30 years Father in law is very upset but accepts this she has never worked a day in her life and has used his money to buy cigarettes and alcohol now he has no savings no pension and a small mortgage on a lovely house which he has worked so hard for all his life
Where does he stand with the property as she is classed with a mental problem and earns no money and has never contributed to any bills or anything is she still entitled to half ? and can she force him out of the house ? i believe her name is on the mortgage agreement and property deedsMentally ill MIL wants to divorce FIL advice please!!?
I would have to agree with Arthur W. Exactly.Mentally ill MIL wants to divorce FIL advice please!!?
If he uses her mental illness against her in uncertainity if she really wants the divorce, he could beat this especially under the wedding vows of ';in sickness and health..';. That would be his choice of course, otherwise he could lose big here if the divorce went thru
i have to ask myself is she in the right mind to make such a decision , it could just be anger and frustration , i would consult a solictor and find out all my rights , but i would also sit down with the mother in law this must be very distressing for the children
The only way to find this out is go to a lawyer, I think she may be entitled to half if her name on the deeds. Make sure you get a good lawyer and give you FIL plenty of support, he's going to need it, but he needs her out.
Don't you understand that laws differ from country to country, and in some cases even from state to state within the same country? How do you expect to get any sort of meaningful answers if you don't even say where your father-in-law and mother-in-law are?liquid eye liner
Where does he stand with the property as she is classed with a mental problem and earns no money and has never contributed to any bills or anything is she still entitled to half ? and can she force him out of the house ? i believe her name is on the mortgage agreement and property deedsMentally ill MIL wants to divorce FIL advice please!!?
I would have to agree with Arthur W. Exactly.Mentally ill MIL wants to divorce FIL advice please!!?
If he uses her mental illness against her in uncertainity if she really wants the divorce, he could beat this especially under the wedding vows of ';in sickness and health..';. That would be his choice of course, otherwise he could lose big here if the divorce went thru
i have to ask myself is she in the right mind to make such a decision , it could just be anger and frustration , i would consult a solictor and find out all my rights , but i would also sit down with the mother in law this must be very distressing for the children
The only way to find this out is go to a lawyer, I think she may be entitled to half if her name on the deeds. Make sure you get a good lawyer and give you FIL plenty of support, he's going to need it, but he needs her out.
Don't you understand that laws differ from country to country, and in some cases even from state to state within the same country? How do you expect to get any sort of meaningful answers if you don't even say where your father-in-law and mother-in-law are?
My husband wants a divorce - any advice?
My husband informed me earlier this week that he does not love me the way he thought he did and wants a divorce. Granted, we have had some problems and I know that I have not always been the easiest person to deal with. He says that he wants to be able to do more things and have more financial freedom. He said he has felt this way for a while and never told me. I am floored.
He did agree to attend counseling with me - we attended our first session yesterday and we go again next week. We are also going to attend church on Sunday so I suppose all is not lost yet.
However, I realize I need to protect myself, but here is the problem. I just finished my 2-year degree, but I have no job (have been looking this week but no calls yet). I have no way to support myself, I have no solid friendships to offer me support. I'm lost.
I want to work on my marriage because I hate to think that the last 8-1/2 years (plus 2 more with dating) have just gone down the tubes.
I guess this is more of a rant than a question, I apologize, but if anyone has any advice or if you have experienced the same thing, please comment.My husband wants a divorce - any advice?
Try and stick with your vows. Its not so much you if you are going to make an effort to make things work, but HE needs to realize that HE made those vows and commitment to YOU as well.
Good Luck
By the way, I was in the same boat here not long ago, if you want e-mail me to chat/listen.....My husband wants a divorce - any advice?
I went trough the same, but sadly now i'm divorce after 11 years of marriage.
One thing in your favor is the willing of your husband to go to counseling, which mine didn't want to.
Try to work thing out, but also be prepare for a bad outcome, if everything works out things will be better, but if not going to counseling will help both of you to end it in good terms.
Try to work on your marriage because that is what you made your vows for
';I know that I have not always been the easiest person to deal with.';
So have you changed? Or are you looking back and now you're admitting that there's a problem because he wants a divorce? Are you willing to be more amicable and easier to deal with?
';He says that he wants to be able to do more things and have more financial freedom.';
Ask him for specifics - what are the more things that he wants - does he feel like it is ';his turn'; for school or some other endeavor? What does he mean by financial freedom? Is he tired of being the breadwinner while you enjoy school and lean on him for the money?
';He said he has felt this way for a while and never told me. ';
Are you really committed to listening to his concerns and not nagging? Are you willing to hear what he has to say and come to compromises? Are you ready to hear what the counselor says, even if he or she says that everything is your fault and it is YOU that needs to change in order for the marriage to survive?
Go into counseling with both eyes open. From what I understand, only about 1/3 of those who go into counseling are able to resolve their differences.
As to your other comment about the last 8+1/2 years having gone down the tubes -- be thankful for them. They are part of your life - they have not been wasted, it just that the end isn't what you had hoped it would be. You were able to get your associates degree and build the first part of your foundation for yourself.
So I guess a bigger question is: What does he mean by saying he wants 'to do more' and 'have more financial freedom'? Have you put up boundaries which have separated your husband from his friends? Do you limit how he spends his money? After all, if he has been the only source of income and has also provided you with an education, why are you limiting how he spends his money? I realize there is more to it than this -- but just want to get you thinking in a way that you could see things from his viewpoint.
Do you think your marriage is suffering because you spent a lot of time finishing your degree. Does your husband feel neglected like you spent most of your time with school and not on him? I think marriage counseling is a good ideal and maybe it can help you figure out whats wrong in your marriage. He still loves you because he would have walked out the door when he told you he wanted a divorce. If you love him keep trying but if he thinks he wants to be on his own then let go because it will only cause both of you pain. I know going through the same thing myself.
I am confused. If you ';just'; finished your degree you are just at the point where things will start improving financially. Is it possible that there is more to it than the financial part?
Have you been making an effort to be a good wife? Seriously, you know what makes him happy, have you been making an effort to make him happy, show him that his pleasure is important to you? Because I never minded supporting my wife because she was great to me. She was nice, and kind and loving and yes sexually generous and so for 19 years I supported her and our 3 kids. She and I now co-run a business for the last year.
I think it's cool that he's agreed to go to counseling with you and all, but when a couple reaches that point it usually ends in divorce. I think you need to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. If you haven't been working at all during your marriage then you will qualify for alimony and that will ';help'; you when you get divorced. Keep looking for a job, find other ways to start becoming more independent because if he says that he just doesn't love you the same anymore, then I highly doubt that's going to change. Good Luck!
He did agree to attend counseling with me - we attended our first session yesterday and we go again next week. We are also going to attend church on Sunday so I suppose all is not lost yet.
However, I realize I need to protect myself, but here is the problem. I just finished my 2-year degree, but I have no job (have been looking this week but no calls yet). I have no way to support myself, I have no solid friendships to offer me support. I'm lost.
I want to work on my marriage because I hate to think that the last 8-1/2 years (plus 2 more with dating) have just gone down the tubes.
I guess this is more of a rant than a question, I apologize, but if anyone has any advice or if you have experienced the same thing, please comment.My husband wants a divorce - any advice?
Try and stick with your vows. Its not so much you if you are going to make an effort to make things work, but HE needs to realize that HE made those vows and commitment to YOU as well.
Good Luck
By the way, I was in the same boat here not long ago, if you want e-mail me to chat/listen.....My husband wants a divorce - any advice?
I went trough the same, but sadly now i'm divorce after 11 years of marriage.
One thing in your favor is the willing of your husband to go to counseling, which mine didn't want to.
Try to work thing out, but also be prepare for a bad outcome, if everything works out things will be better, but if not going to counseling will help both of you to end it in good terms.
Try to work on your marriage because that is what you made your vows for
';I know that I have not always been the easiest person to deal with.';
So have you changed? Or are you looking back and now you're admitting that there's a problem because he wants a divorce? Are you willing to be more amicable and easier to deal with?
';He says that he wants to be able to do more things and have more financial freedom.';
Ask him for specifics - what are the more things that he wants - does he feel like it is ';his turn'; for school or some other endeavor? What does he mean by financial freedom? Is he tired of being the breadwinner while you enjoy school and lean on him for the money?
';He said he has felt this way for a while and never told me. ';
Are you really committed to listening to his concerns and not nagging? Are you willing to hear what he has to say and come to compromises? Are you ready to hear what the counselor says, even if he or she says that everything is your fault and it is YOU that needs to change in order for the marriage to survive?
Go into counseling with both eyes open. From what I understand, only about 1/3 of those who go into counseling are able to resolve their differences.
As to your other comment about the last 8+1/2 years having gone down the tubes -- be thankful for them. They are part of your life - they have not been wasted, it just that the end isn't what you had hoped it would be. You were able to get your associates degree and build the first part of your foundation for yourself.
So I guess a bigger question is: What does he mean by saying he wants 'to do more' and 'have more financial freedom'? Have you put up boundaries which have separated your husband from his friends? Do you limit how he spends his money? After all, if he has been the only source of income and has also provided you with an education, why are you limiting how he spends his money? I realize there is more to it than this -- but just want to get you thinking in a way that you could see things from his viewpoint.
Do you think your marriage is suffering because you spent a lot of time finishing your degree. Does your husband feel neglected like you spent most of your time with school and not on him? I think marriage counseling is a good ideal and maybe it can help you figure out whats wrong in your marriage. He still loves you because he would have walked out the door when he told you he wanted a divorce. If you love him keep trying but if he thinks he wants to be on his own then let go because it will only cause both of you pain. I know going through the same thing myself.
I am confused. If you ';just'; finished your degree you are just at the point where things will start improving financially. Is it possible that there is more to it than the financial part?
Have you been making an effort to be a good wife? Seriously, you know what makes him happy, have you been making an effort to make him happy, show him that his pleasure is important to you? Because I never minded supporting my wife because she was great to me. She was nice, and kind and loving and yes sexually generous and so for 19 years I supported her and our 3 kids. She and I now co-run a business for the last year.
I think it's cool that he's agreed to go to counseling with you and all, but when a couple reaches that point it usually ends in divorce. I think you need to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. If you haven't been working at all during your marriage then you will qualify for alimony and that will ';help'; you when you get divorced. Keep looking for a job, find other ways to start becoming more independent because if he says that he just doesn't love you the same anymore, then I highly doubt that's going to change. Good Luck!
Should I get divorce please advice.?
My hubby and I married 1year back. Its a love marriage. I do not know what do we know about each other before marriage.
Now I have problem. Before marriage my hubby used to say he sees aunts and other girls. But after seeing me he stopped seeing others. Before marriage he worked in foreign. Now he says that he wasted his life time in foreign by not dating with girls. He says he was true to me when he was in foreign. But now I found his friends list and found so many girls names in it. He just simply chat with them when I am not in home.
The other day he was talking to some one over phone in very low voice(usually his voice is not low) saying that he ll talk tomorrow morning(i.e after I start to work from home). Even though he talked in very low voice, I heard it. When I asked to whom was he talking. He said there is nothing to say me.
He is not at all kind to me. He is ready to divorce me.
He curse me by his words. I can not tolerate. I cry all day all time.
I want a peaceful life. How can I change my hubby behaviour. what has happened to him. what should I do to have a pleasant life.
Please advice.
Your advice will save my life.Should I get divorce please advice.?
Today fidelity has remained just a word devoid of its meaning and sanctity. Most of the men are prone to lewdly ogle at any woman. For them to refrain from eyeing woman is akin to keep fish away from water. But your husband seems to be having clandestine relationship with some siren so only he is talking or chating with someone on the sly. It is rightly said that a man loves a woman for sex while woman gives sex for love. Divorce is no solution to your problem. To mend his amorous behaviour and wean him away from his romantic escapade, I think you first of stop nagging at him for this. Showever on him all the attention and unconditional love. Men are actually malleable also so imbued with your dollops of love, he will feel more gravitated to you and thus he will slowly shun those sirens. Just try this and hopefully it will work.Should I get divorce please advice.?
I think you also behave the same way, i mean, you also start chating with men and see his reaction. If he confronts you, convince him the same way you also feel when he chats with other women. If he is intelligent enough and a caring husband he will realise his folly and mend his way. By the way, how is he behving in bed, i mean is he fuc... you properly. Produce a baby for him fast, sometimes that will change the whole situation. Good luck.
he is obviously seeing other women, or at least talking with them in ways he knows he shouldn't. so i would give him an choice, me or them if he wants them then its time to go, he is already treating you like crap so it sounds like its time to move on. you have to remember you can not change someones behaviour only they can change and only if they really want to.
Just be cool and don't make it a trust issue until you have proofs. Talking with some one in low voice is not cheating. however, with cool mind and politely talk to youur hubby on this matter and tell him you want peaceful married life. If still he insists on divorce, then don't waste time with him.
Tell him to throw the cards on the table. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he wants to see a marriage counselor because besides your assumption that he is cheating, he needs to stop abusing (cursing) you.
If he decides he likes girls, let him have them and move on.
May be you should sit down talk to him as a friend and ask him what he wants.
Tell him that he can get what he wants if he tells you the truth about his relationships with other women.
Then give him some space to live and breath. You may want to go away for a while to refreshen yourself and give yourself some ME time to think over it all.
best on this regard will be talk to him very clearly....see the response and then take any decison...don't be afriad to take any step but be careful also...don't simply jump on anything..give some time...but same time see the improvement also...if there is no improvement then it means he is just making you fool.give final warning %26amp; if he is not much interested in your talks then better to leave..best of luck...
In the course of attraction you make love without knowing and seeing everything.and finally when the truth comes in front of u, it is not tolerable.Just kick him out.If u have got a talent ,u can earn sufficient amount of money for ur survival. and u can marry with some other person .but before marriage judge him well.
I think you should get a divorce.If he is being really mean to you and cursing to you and stuff and talking to other girls behind your back ... he probably doesn`t love you anymore =( I`m sure you could do so much better than him and be happy and if you don`t find someone maybe you could try a dating site .... Hope I Helped =)
give him a chance or test him if he really cares for you or loves you or not if not then go ahead and dump him before he dumps you. and while doing this you must not feel low but you should be happy .
If he wants a divorce, that's enough to answer your question.
yes
I think u shuld.bcase if ur huby want it then tel him 2 give u divoc.but its always bater 2 lok 4 onther way.personaly i dont lik that word 'divoce'
Based on your description, it looks like he is visiting online websites or chat rooms to talk to random girls. Maybe he was single and all alone when he met you and after that, he might have met these other girls - either when he was abroad or later.
Usually guys who live abroad, get bored staying home - as they don't have the same culture back home and lack of friends and social life, they end up staying home and go online and find girls or friends to spend time with. Your husband might have met girls online and continuing their relationship even till now.
Some men and women do get pleasure in an online relationship where their fantasies can be fulfilled compared to real life. They fail to know the thin line between reality and fantasy. Your husband is caught up in that illusion too. He thinks by knowing these girls online, he can do much better than what he does right now. Very little he knows that when he really meet these online girls, chances are the fantasy bubble breaks so fast and all that excitement fades away.
There are whole lot of people who has broken their real life relationship for online dating. I hope your husband understand and realizes that he is walking on a loose sand.
Only remedy is, as many others suggested, take a break. At this point, no matter what you do to please him, whenever you go next to him, he is going to be unkind to you to avoid you, so that he can have more time online. If you both share the same computer, try to know his passwords for instant messengers and check the history. There are lots of ways to do this and you can find it online to do that. You might be surprised what you find. Also, check the phone bills and find out who he is calling and try to track the people. In the extreme case, since you are working, you could hire a private detective to investigate -they can help you with finding all the loose ends.
First few years would always be pricky for both of you.He will also have many problems from ur end so wud u. So try giving space to each otehr and respect each others feeling.Guys generally do have friends who are girls.. long way to go dear..why struggling from now itself..u dont have to change each other's nature it will get adjusted automatically ..and the best way to avoid this is to keep urself busy in other things which u like..roaming outside or making friends or chatting or working anything..give space and be busy is only mantra :)
There is no reference for divorce in the Vedas. Divorce is not permitted. If you are leaving your wife or husband you are breaking your promise. If your husband or wife is causing problem it is due to his/her mental disabilities to understand the right and wrong. Which indicates unhealthy mind. So, now you need to remember your promise given of not leaving him/her during ';sickness';. You need to be by him/her until he/she gets alright or try your level best to get him/her alright
If a ill person hits/abuses a doctor should the doctor leave the patient to die? it is the duty of the true doctor to cure the patient and try doing the same till the end.
Hi,
Taking a divorce will worsen ur life. U love him so much, married ur the one u love, and to start a separate life will be disaster for u.
Ur husband may be a women savvy even b4 ur relationship, in ur relationship and it is going on now even...
But u liked him somehow, got married to him. If u take a divorce u r only going to b affected by this break up, not ur hubby, he'll be asusual as before.
I dont mean u shud go this way.
Now it can b only u who can repair ur life.
See, anyone wud go for another if he is not satisfied with one having. and u can recorrect ur hubby by bing more and more intimate.
He is really ignorant that he is having such a gud wife, one who is really caring but still going for another or more only bcoz of his ignorance. he is still immatured and guys do this mostly coz of immaturity. he is not able feel u, ur luv... and that is only the reason he is still a savvy..
It is going to b a long process of repair.
Try to be cool, think, first go on with ur hubbys way, dont argue with him (it leads to much despair), try to be more caring than ever for ur sake, try to touch his heart (for his change)...
The change will be really slow, as it is a process of changing... right...
Do this first, if posible try to consult a family counsellor.
But first be patient, confident, brave and pray for ur happy life.
Visualize that he has changed and u and ur hubby are leading a happy life, rather thinking he wouldnt change.
Things will change, they wont stag for a long time and u'll be happy very soon dear...
Be happy...
first of all some people will never change. but
if your husband loves you he will stop what he is doing to you. but first you need to see if you can
change him. and here is what you need to do.
go and start packing your belongings. where he
can see you. he will ask what you are doing. tell
him you are leaving him. that you have had enough. if he loves you he will beg you to stay.
and he will change. if he don't try and stop you then he don't love you and you will know its over
this is the way you test your marriage. so go and
try it.
u should definitely get a divorce from him.dont u dare cry over him men are not worth crying for. u seem to be educated find a job but after the divorce.ask for allimony and share in property if he has any.u can also put him into jail by accusing him of beating u ,using abusive language,demanding dowry from u,etc there are many charges that u can file against him for which he will be jailed.trust me he didnt change.he was never the person u fell in love with,all that time he was acting.now after marriage he ahs shown his true color to u as he thinks thatb u wont be able to do anything about it.dont waste ur life with him kick him out of ur life. u deserve someone better than him
Now I have problem. Before marriage my hubby used to say he sees aunts and other girls. But after seeing me he stopped seeing others. Before marriage he worked in foreign. Now he says that he wasted his life time in foreign by not dating with girls. He says he was true to me when he was in foreign. But now I found his friends list and found so many girls names in it. He just simply chat with them when I am not in home.
The other day he was talking to some one over phone in very low voice(usually his voice is not low) saying that he ll talk tomorrow morning(i.e after I start to work from home). Even though he talked in very low voice, I heard it. When I asked to whom was he talking. He said there is nothing to say me.
He is not at all kind to me. He is ready to divorce me.
He curse me by his words. I can not tolerate. I cry all day all time.
I want a peaceful life. How can I change my hubby behaviour. what has happened to him. what should I do to have a pleasant life.
Please advice.
Your advice will save my life.Should I get divorce please advice.?
Today fidelity has remained just a word devoid of its meaning and sanctity. Most of the men are prone to lewdly ogle at any woman. For them to refrain from eyeing woman is akin to keep fish away from water. But your husband seems to be having clandestine relationship with some siren so only he is talking or chating with someone on the sly. It is rightly said that a man loves a woman for sex while woman gives sex for love. Divorce is no solution to your problem. To mend his amorous behaviour and wean him away from his romantic escapade, I think you first of stop nagging at him for this. Showever on him all the attention and unconditional love. Men are actually malleable also so imbued with your dollops of love, he will feel more gravitated to you and thus he will slowly shun those sirens. Just try this and hopefully it will work.Should I get divorce please advice.?
I think you also behave the same way, i mean, you also start chating with men and see his reaction. If he confronts you, convince him the same way you also feel when he chats with other women. If he is intelligent enough and a caring husband he will realise his folly and mend his way. By the way, how is he behving in bed, i mean is he fuc... you properly. Produce a baby for him fast, sometimes that will change the whole situation. Good luck.
he is obviously seeing other women, or at least talking with them in ways he knows he shouldn't. so i would give him an choice, me or them if he wants them then its time to go, he is already treating you like crap so it sounds like its time to move on. you have to remember you can not change someones behaviour only they can change and only if they really want to.
Just be cool and don't make it a trust issue until you have proofs. Talking with some one in low voice is not cheating. however, with cool mind and politely talk to youur hubby on this matter and tell him you want peaceful married life. If still he insists on divorce, then don't waste time with him.
Tell him to throw the cards on the table. Tell him how you feel and ask him if he wants to see a marriage counselor because besides your assumption that he is cheating, he needs to stop abusing (cursing) you.
If he decides he likes girls, let him have them and move on.
May be you should sit down talk to him as a friend and ask him what he wants.
Tell him that he can get what he wants if he tells you the truth about his relationships with other women.
Then give him some space to live and breath. You may want to go away for a while to refreshen yourself and give yourself some ME time to think over it all.
best on this regard will be talk to him very clearly....see the response and then take any decison...don't be afriad to take any step but be careful also...don't simply jump on anything..give some time...but same time see the improvement also...if there is no improvement then it means he is just making you fool.give final warning %26amp; if he is not much interested in your talks then better to leave..best of luck...
In the course of attraction you make love without knowing and seeing everything.and finally when the truth comes in front of u, it is not tolerable.Just kick him out.If u have got a talent ,u can earn sufficient amount of money for ur survival. and u can marry with some other person .but before marriage judge him well.
I think you should get a divorce.If he is being really mean to you and cursing to you and stuff and talking to other girls behind your back ... he probably doesn`t love you anymore =( I`m sure you could do so much better than him and be happy and if you don`t find someone maybe you could try a dating site .... Hope I Helped =)
give him a chance or test him if he really cares for you or loves you or not if not then go ahead and dump him before he dumps you. and while doing this you must not feel low but you should be happy .
If he wants a divorce, that's enough to answer your question.
yes
I think u shuld.bcase if ur huby want it then tel him 2 give u divoc.but its always bater 2 lok 4 onther way.personaly i dont lik that word 'divoce'
Based on your description, it looks like he is visiting online websites or chat rooms to talk to random girls. Maybe he was single and all alone when he met you and after that, he might have met these other girls - either when he was abroad or later.
Usually guys who live abroad, get bored staying home - as they don't have the same culture back home and lack of friends and social life, they end up staying home and go online and find girls or friends to spend time with. Your husband might have met girls online and continuing their relationship even till now.
Some men and women do get pleasure in an online relationship where their fantasies can be fulfilled compared to real life. They fail to know the thin line between reality and fantasy. Your husband is caught up in that illusion too. He thinks by knowing these girls online, he can do much better than what he does right now. Very little he knows that when he really meet these online girls, chances are the fantasy bubble breaks so fast and all that excitement fades away.
There are whole lot of people who has broken their real life relationship for online dating. I hope your husband understand and realizes that he is walking on a loose sand.
Only remedy is, as many others suggested, take a break. At this point, no matter what you do to please him, whenever you go next to him, he is going to be unkind to you to avoid you, so that he can have more time online. If you both share the same computer, try to know his passwords for instant messengers and check the history. There are lots of ways to do this and you can find it online to do that. You might be surprised what you find. Also, check the phone bills and find out who he is calling and try to track the people. In the extreme case, since you are working, you could hire a private detective to investigate -they can help you with finding all the loose ends.
First few years would always be pricky for both of you.He will also have many problems from ur end so wud u. So try giving space to each otehr and respect each others feeling.Guys generally do have friends who are girls.. long way to go dear..why struggling from now itself..u dont have to change each other's nature it will get adjusted automatically ..and the best way to avoid this is to keep urself busy in other things which u like..roaming outside or making friends or chatting or working anything..give space and be busy is only mantra :)
There is no reference for divorce in the Vedas. Divorce is not permitted. If you are leaving your wife or husband you are breaking your promise. If your husband or wife is causing problem it is due to his/her mental disabilities to understand the right and wrong. Which indicates unhealthy mind. So, now you need to remember your promise given of not leaving him/her during ';sickness';. You need to be by him/her until he/she gets alright or try your level best to get him/her alright
If a ill person hits/abuses a doctor should the doctor leave the patient to die? it is the duty of the true doctor to cure the patient and try doing the same till the end.
Hi,
Taking a divorce will worsen ur life. U love him so much, married ur the one u love, and to start a separate life will be disaster for u.
Ur husband may be a women savvy even b4 ur relationship, in ur relationship and it is going on now even...
But u liked him somehow, got married to him. If u take a divorce u r only going to b affected by this break up, not ur hubby, he'll be asusual as before.
I dont mean u shud go this way.
Now it can b only u who can repair ur life.
See, anyone wud go for another if he is not satisfied with one having. and u can recorrect ur hubby by bing more and more intimate.
He is really ignorant that he is having such a gud wife, one who is really caring but still going for another or more only bcoz of his ignorance. he is still immatured and guys do this mostly coz of immaturity. he is not able feel u, ur luv... and that is only the reason he is still a savvy..
It is going to b a long process of repair.
Try to be cool, think, first go on with ur hubbys way, dont argue with him (it leads to much despair), try to be more caring than ever for ur sake, try to touch his heart (for his change)...
The change will be really slow, as it is a process of changing... right...
Do this first, if posible try to consult a family counsellor.
But first be patient, confident, brave and pray for ur happy life.
Visualize that he has changed and u and ur hubby are leading a happy life, rather thinking he wouldnt change.
Things will change, they wont stag for a long time and u'll be happy very soon dear...
Be happy...
first of all some people will never change. but
if your husband loves you he will stop what he is doing to you. but first you need to see if you can
change him. and here is what you need to do.
go and start packing your belongings. where he
can see you. he will ask what you are doing. tell
him you are leaving him. that you have had enough. if he loves you he will beg you to stay.
and he will change. if he don't try and stop you then he don't love you and you will know its over
this is the way you test your marriage. so go and
try it.
u should definitely get a divorce from him.dont u dare cry over him men are not worth crying for. u seem to be educated find a job but after the divorce.ask for allimony and share in property if he has any.u can also put him into jail by accusing him of beating u ,using abusive language,demanding dowry from u,etc there are many charges that u can file against him for which he will be jailed.trust me he didnt change.he was never the person u fell in love with,all that time he was acting.now after marriage he ahs shown his true color to u as he thinks thatb u wont be able to do anything about it.dont waste ur life with him kick him out of ur life. u deserve someone better than him
Getting ready for divorce mediation. Advice?
Well, my ex-husband and I have been dragging our feet as far as the divorce goes (insurance reasons, etc.) but we've been separated for going on two years now. We've filed for divorce, completed our paperwork and on Monday we're going to mediation ... (we're divorcing without lawyers -- our separation is very amicable. We've agreed on everything).
Just wondering if there were any last minute steps I need to take before we go in. I'd like to get in and out as quickly as possible (they charge by the hour). BTW, we live in Indiana and have two children.
Thanks!Getting ready for divorce mediation. Advice?
Just make sure you have outlined the points you need to bring up and have all your paperwork in order (if applicable). Keep your ';arguments'; on point and short.
The key to mediation is to remember that you have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.Getting ready for divorce mediation. Advice?
When the ';mediator'; realizes you and your husband agree on everything it should move quickly. Congrats on being happily divorced ;)
Just wondering if there were any last minute steps I need to take before we go in. I'd like to get in and out as quickly as possible (they charge by the hour). BTW, we live in Indiana and have two children.
Thanks!Getting ready for divorce mediation. Advice?
Just make sure you have outlined the points you need to bring up and have all your paperwork in order (if applicable). Keep your ';arguments'; on point and short.
The key to mediation is to remember that you have two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.Getting ready for divorce mediation. Advice?
When the ';mediator'; realizes you and your husband agree on everything it should move quickly. Congrats on being happily divorced ;)
My parents might divorce? Any advice?
Okay, I am 13 years old. My mom and I were sitting on the couch one day, and my mom said she might divorce my father, because ';He is not exciting.';....... My mom is 50 years old. I really don't think 50 might be the most ';exciting'; point of her life, don't you think? I am 100% sure that we don't have any financial problems and they haven't been fighting. It's just that, my mom... well.... thinks my dad is, boring...? I really think that it isn't a good reason, but let me just say, it's MY OPINION. I said to her, ';You know, I'm pretty sure no one wants to marry you at THAT age'; She said, ';Well, you see many 60 or 70 year olds get divorced today'; And then, I stood silent for a while.
Then, she asked me, ';Will this affect you?'; I answered with a simple, ';I don't know,'; because I haven't really thought about it. But, now, I think it is a really BIG deal. I don't want my parents to divorce. And, I don't consider my dad ';boring'; at all. I know I'm not in the position to do this, but... I'm stuck in my own mess.
Any advice?My parents might divorce? Any advice?
My parents split up when I was 11, and were officially divorced when I was like 13 or something. Now I'm 16. My situation was a little different than yours though (alcoholism, etc). Just remember, that this is your parents decision, and if they are not happy together anymore, than there is nothing you can do about that. Don't try and lie to either of them, and be honest with how you feel. In my opinion, your mom should not have told you behind your dad's back, before talking with him. Hang in there pal :)My parents might divorce? Any advice?
Tell your mom that it WILL affect you. she might change her mind specially if there is no good reason for divorce. Also, try to play a role in this. You can do it blv me. Children have a very good impact and influence on their parents. Do things together, sports, music, watch movies,...etc. You are still young and you need both of them. If you need anything, please let me know. Good luck
Your Mother may just be going through ';the change';. Could that make
her selfish? I don't know. I would get them together and bring it up so
that they both understand how you feel. I'm hoping they will make an
effort to be there for each other as well as you. You can even show this
answer to your Mother and see if it doesn't give her pause.
Your mom needs to seek counseling. Lack of excitement at 50 is what most people are hoping for. It would be good if your parents went to marriage counseling, but I think your mother really needs to go to counseling and make a life. She's in a midlife crisis.
Well, to be honest, you probably shouldn't do anything. What's their business is their business and, I'm sorry, but their isn't really anything you can do about it.
My parents divorced for the same reason, but after awhile you get used to the divorce and start to think if your parents got back together (this would be about a year later) it would be weird. Good luck :)
Ask you're mom if you can talk with your dad about what she said.
Yes, your life would change big time.
Where you are only 13 I will be very careful how I word this. Your mom might have other reasons she wants the divorce that she is not willing to say right now. Perhaps either a marriage counselor or a weekend for the two of them away would help. They need to spice or rekindle that feeling they had so many years ago and that you can not do for them. If yu have a grandparent you are close to ask them for advice only they know your mom and dad best (besides you) but this is a grown up problem.
Well first of all, think. Does your parents thinking about having a divorce affect you in any way? I mean how long have they been married? And if for a long time, it would be stupid ( no offense ) to divorce if you've been with someone you love for a long time.
Well here's some advice. Talk to your dad and see how he feels and tell him or advise him to try to win your mom's heart back by being
'; exciting'; ( Whatever adults think '; Exciting'; really is) . And even ask your mom what your dad has or at least try to do and then tell your dad.
Hopefully everything goes great between your mom and dad and if you have any other questions about my thoughts, just ask.
Then, she asked me, ';Will this affect you?'; I answered with a simple, ';I don't know,'; because I haven't really thought about it. But, now, I think it is a really BIG deal. I don't want my parents to divorce. And, I don't consider my dad ';boring'; at all. I know I'm not in the position to do this, but... I'm stuck in my own mess.
Any advice?My parents might divorce? Any advice?
My parents split up when I was 11, and were officially divorced when I was like 13 or something. Now I'm 16. My situation was a little different than yours though (alcoholism, etc). Just remember, that this is your parents decision, and if they are not happy together anymore, than there is nothing you can do about that. Don't try and lie to either of them, and be honest with how you feel. In my opinion, your mom should not have told you behind your dad's back, before talking with him. Hang in there pal :)My parents might divorce? Any advice?
Tell your mom that it WILL affect you. she might change her mind specially if there is no good reason for divorce. Also, try to play a role in this. You can do it blv me. Children have a very good impact and influence on their parents. Do things together, sports, music, watch movies,...etc. You are still young and you need both of them. If you need anything, please let me know. Good luck
Your Mother may just be going through ';the change';. Could that make
her selfish? I don't know. I would get them together and bring it up so
that they both understand how you feel. I'm hoping they will make an
effort to be there for each other as well as you. You can even show this
answer to your Mother and see if it doesn't give her pause.
Your mom needs to seek counseling. Lack of excitement at 50 is what most people are hoping for. It would be good if your parents went to marriage counseling, but I think your mother really needs to go to counseling and make a life. She's in a midlife crisis.
Well, to be honest, you probably shouldn't do anything. What's their business is their business and, I'm sorry, but their isn't really anything you can do about it.
My parents divorced for the same reason, but after awhile you get used to the divorce and start to think if your parents got back together (this would be about a year later) it would be weird. Good luck :)
Ask you're mom if you can talk with your dad about what she said.
Yes, your life would change big time.
Where you are only 13 I will be very careful how I word this. Your mom might have other reasons she wants the divorce that she is not willing to say right now. Perhaps either a marriage counselor or a weekend for the two of them away would help. They need to spice or rekindle that feeling they had so many years ago and that you can not do for them. If yu have a grandparent you are close to ask them for advice only they know your mom and dad best (besides you) but this is a grown up problem.
Well first of all, think. Does your parents thinking about having a divorce affect you in any way? I mean how long have they been married? And if for a long time, it would be stupid ( no offense ) to divorce if you've been with someone you love for a long time.
Well here's some advice. Talk to your dad and see how he feels and tell him or advise him to try to win your mom's heart back by being
'; exciting'; ( Whatever adults think '; Exciting'; really is) . And even ask your mom what your dad has or at least try to do and then tell your dad.
Hopefully everything goes great between your mom and dad and if you have any other questions about my thoughts, just ask.
Getting a Divorce need advice?
My husband and i are getting a divorce. This has been a long time coming being as he cant keep it in his pants but thats another story entirely. My question is i gave up my job my career really in order to follow him around ( he decided to join the military) and to have our children. We have a beautiful 10 month old now. I did that for a year. Then i decided to go back to school and he has been taking care of the rent and daycare bills while i have been in school. Now that we are getting a divorce he said that he is not going to pay our rent or anything just half od daycare and diapers. No papers have been filed but its obvious its over. My question is since i gave up a year of my life to support him and now he wants to dump me doesnt he have to contuine to pay me to the life that im accustomed too? Or atleast pay me back for the year i spent supporting him? Also doesnt he have to pay for our expenses until we are actually divocred?Getting a Divorce need advice?
It depends on how long you've been married, but it may be possible for you to request the court order alimony. This will help get you on your feet after the divorce.
He cannot just stop paying bills, the judge won't allow that. All assets and bills will be split fairly between the two of you. He will also be ordered to pay child support, he cannot choose to simply pay for a bit of diapers %26amp; daycare here %26amp; there.Getting a Divorce need advice?
contact an atty..you will get your child support and maybe, just maybe, alimony, depending on how long u've been married..
It depends on how long you've been married, but it may be possible for you to request the court order alimony. This will help get you on your feet after the divorce.
He cannot just stop paying bills, the judge won't allow that. All assets and bills will be split fairly between the two of you. He will also be ordered to pay child support, he cannot choose to simply pay for a bit of diapers %26amp; daycare here %26amp; there.Getting a Divorce need advice?
contact an atty..you will get your child support and maybe, just maybe, alimony, depending on how long u've been married..
Need after divorce dating advice?
I have been divorced for two years now. Ex had an affair. I have started dating someone for the first time since my divorce. I needed some time to be alone. But I now realize that I do not know how to be in a new relationship anymore! I am 40 - he is 42. Things are going very well but I don't even know when it is okay to call him or email him. How often?
I sound like a 16 year old girl!! Which is kind of fun after the two years I went through. So...any advice on how to make this relationship work and not mess it up??
Need after divorce dating advice?
Glad to hear you took some time away from the dating scene to sort things out and have some alone time. Too many people rush right into a new relationship before the ink on the divorce decree has had time to dry.
If things are going very well then you are obviously doing things right.
It isn't so much a matter of when it is okay to call him or how often. What's more important is what men appreciate in women. Most men appreciate women who are independent but not too independent. Men appreciate women who are confident and secure. A man doesn't appreciate clingy types. Those kind of women appear desperate and tend to be pushy. This usually happens when the woman is worried that she is going to mess things up.
There is an old adage, ';A guy chases a girl until she catches him.'; Guys will never change in that way. They need the challenge of the chase. It is just in their makeup. That is how they get their validation. The challenge for you is to keep him interested. Playing hard to get is all part of the courtship. And most women have that wonderful 6th sense of knowing how to avoid playing too hard to get.
What is more important right now isn't frequency but quality of contact. If the 2 of you have made arrangements to get together on the weekend sometime for an outing and it is only Monday, it would not be wise to be contacting him everyday during the week. You might want to but it would be a mistake. Guys have always needed to feel that they are flying the plane even though there is a flight engineer (you) laying out the course.
Good luck. Keep yourself busy with your job, your friends and your other interests. Avoid making your special friend the center of your life (for the time being) and you will not have to worry about messing things up.
Need after divorce dating advice?
Refrain from sex, because then your emotions will play games with you.
Take it slow, and develop a true honest friendship with a solid foundation.
FRIENDS,,,,
Otherwise you will be using him as a rebound guy/ or he will be using you coz you are needy, and this is the 1st guy out of your divorce.
Becareful and take it slow, and refrain from sex
Take it day by day...kudos to you for giving yourself time 1st before you dated...second marraiges today fail more then 1st marraiges because usually ppl who get divorced look right away for something thye think they are missing wiht someone else but they are not totally healed yet from their previous marraige so it ends up failing.
It sounds like you ar ready though...take it slow...dont rush...respect yourself and your body....dont flaunt anything...men will respect a modest woman way more then a flirty flaunty woman. You wil be fine
I agree with abc's answer. Just let things happen. Don't over think things like females typically do! Be yourself. If he doesn't like it screw him!! ;)
Just relax - if you like each other then things will move along at their own pace. Have fun and enjoy yourself.
relax, don't play games....go with the flow, don't force anything.......
I think the rules are a bit more relaxed for us old folks.
liquid eye liner
I sound like a 16 year old girl!! Which is kind of fun after the two years I went through. So...any advice on how to make this relationship work and not mess it up??
Need after divorce dating advice?
Glad to hear you took some time away from the dating scene to sort things out and have some alone time. Too many people rush right into a new relationship before the ink on the divorce decree has had time to dry.
If things are going very well then you are obviously doing things right.
It isn't so much a matter of when it is okay to call him or how often. What's more important is what men appreciate in women. Most men appreciate women who are independent but not too independent. Men appreciate women who are confident and secure. A man doesn't appreciate clingy types. Those kind of women appear desperate and tend to be pushy. This usually happens when the woman is worried that she is going to mess things up.
There is an old adage, ';A guy chases a girl until she catches him.'; Guys will never change in that way. They need the challenge of the chase. It is just in their makeup. That is how they get their validation. The challenge for you is to keep him interested. Playing hard to get is all part of the courtship. And most women have that wonderful 6th sense of knowing how to avoid playing too hard to get.
What is more important right now isn't frequency but quality of contact. If the 2 of you have made arrangements to get together on the weekend sometime for an outing and it is only Monday, it would not be wise to be contacting him everyday during the week. You might want to but it would be a mistake. Guys have always needed to feel that they are flying the plane even though there is a flight engineer (you) laying out the course.
Good luck. Keep yourself busy with your job, your friends and your other interests. Avoid making your special friend the center of your life (for the time being) and you will not have to worry about messing things up.
Need after divorce dating advice?
Refrain from sex, because then your emotions will play games with you.
Take it slow, and develop a true honest friendship with a solid foundation.
FRIENDS,,,,
Otherwise you will be using him as a rebound guy/ or he will be using you coz you are needy, and this is the 1st guy out of your divorce.
Becareful and take it slow, and refrain from sex
Take it day by day...kudos to you for giving yourself time 1st before you dated...second marraiges today fail more then 1st marraiges because usually ppl who get divorced look right away for something thye think they are missing wiht someone else but they are not totally healed yet from their previous marraige so it ends up failing.
It sounds like you ar ready though...take it slow...dont rush...respect yourself and your body....dont flaunt anything...men will respect a modest woman way more then a flirty flaunty woman. You wil be fine
I agree with abc's answer. Just let things happen. Don't over think things like females typically do! Be yourself. If he doesn't like it screw him!! ;)
Just relax - if you like each other then things will move along at their own pace. Have fun and enjoy yourself.
relax, don't play games....go with the flow, don't force anything.......
I think the rules are a bit more relaxed for us old folks.
After the divorce? Christian advice...?
What do I do? I am currently going through a divorce and finding it difficult to move on and ahead with my life. My husband and I were only married a little over a year and I never wanted the divorce. It is hard trying to make a new life without him and it's so weird. Did anyone ever feel like this? I am going to start christian counseling soon but any christian advice or thoughts would help. I am just having mixed feelings about the divorce. Also, I feel I never got any closure..he hasn't spoken with me since june 2008 and he actually had his parents tell me he didn't want to be with me. I am 20 , he is 22. Any christian advice or thoughts on what to do? I've been growing closer to God and my relationship with Him is strong, but I still find it difficult to accept this divorce.
Note: Anyone who leaves crude or offensive comments will be deleted! Please help...After the divorce? Christian advice...?
You are already well on your way to healing by drawing near to The Father. We all know that divorce was never God's Plan for His children, but as humans we make choices for our lives.
Time and space will heal your wounds. Just take one day at a time and try to see through the Eyes of your Spirit. Meditate upon the things that you do have: Eyes to see, hands to feel, a heart to love, and a Life to live.
Your story is being written day by day. You'll be OK.. and who knows what tomorrow holds? Live today. Praying for you....After the divorce? Christian advice...?
Have faith. God will answer this question for you. Pray about it. Only He truly knows your individual situation. Knock on His door, He will answer you. This might sound vague- but if you give things some time- God will make his plan apparent to you. God can move mountains, He loves you so much, He has wonderful things planned for you, let him take the reigns.
In my opinion, not really Christian but have gone to church numerous times, he was just not the right person for you.
He wasn't just the right man and there is another one who will dramatically change your life. Who is right for you and will be your life partner.
I hope this helps.
u are so young, i am sorry! Well, I would just try and focus on you right now. Keep yourself busy and that will help you take your mind off of the divorce. I wouldn't date for aleast a year. Make yourself some goals and work towards them. Keep praying daily and you should be fine... Have any close friends? I would cling onto them. Good Luck
Why do I have to be Christian to give you an opinion or answer? I wonder if you will delete this just because I asked.
Right then my advice is What Would Jesus Do?
you are setting yourself up for negative comments by saying you want Christian advice cause you are cutting out people that can help you. I don't have Christian advice but suggest you look up Elizebeth Kubler-Ross stages of grief. This will explain than it is normal to feel the way you do. A person would go through shock, anger, etc. Well, I am not going to offer anything else b/c I feel like you are going to reject it cause it isn't Christian advice %26amp; that really is going to limit your ability to have good in your life.EDIT: oh, I see you changed what you wrote or edited. I will only ad this to you. If you belief that the ONLY way is that way than that is all you can open to %26amp; you are shutting yourself off dramatically. You are living a very constricted life. It is done unto you as you believe.
I'm not religious but, I will still try to give some hopefully helpful advice.
The break up of any serious relationship is going to be hard. The first thing you need to do is to accept and acknowledge that the relationship is truly over. He wanted the divorce, he didn't want to work things out with you. So there is nothing you can do to change that. He made up his mind and you can't do anything more except to focus on yourself.
You also need to make yourself feel good. Don't worry about jumping on the dating-love bandwagon again just yet. Take time to do something for YOU. Go back to school, get a new career, take up a new hobby, etc. Now is the time to work on raising your self esteem and making yourself feel good.
Don't alienate yourself either. Make new friends, go to church, get involved in community activites, donate your time to charities, and spend time with your family. You need everyone's support now and it will make you feel good to offer your support to other people who may need it more than you.
Take it one day at a time. It won't be easy, especially in the beginning. But as time goes on, you will heal. And when you are stronger and healthier then you can try to find the perfect person to share the rest of your life with. He wasn't the person but, there is someone out there who is. It will just take a lot of time, patience, and love.
Good luck and I wish you all the best!
Having gone through the same - you probably keep wondering ';WHY';?
Why does this happen, we asked Your blessing?
Or, ';Did i do something wrong';?
I think that the best option is to find yourself, and see if you are straight with God. Sometimes a path joins with another person, only to separate again some time later.
Same happened with me, and though i (we) prayed for a solution - there wasn`t any. But, funny enough, both of us felt Gods blessing in the decision to each go our separate way.
What does kind of anger me, is the fact that your ex-husband seems to be a coward. Using his parents to tell you the bad news? Sorry, but that in itself makes me think he was not the right person for you.
Still, people make mistakes, and people get hurt.
I think that, if you really want ';closure'; you can do two things.
Ask him to have a serious talk with you - but then do it on neutral ground (such as a restaurant, or a church (where you don`t go for sunday worship) would be best).
The other thing is to take some time 'off' - go to some other city, holiday home or hotel - and spend a week of reflection and prayer - and forgive. Not for him, but for yourself.
While i realise from my end, it`s easy to say what you should and should not do - finding peace with God is actually the best course of action - no matter what else you decide.
Should you need to talk more, or just want someone who does understand (in part) what you are going through - feel free to drop me a note through my Y!A profile.
Wishing you blessings and all the best for the coming period.
It`s not going to be easy.
Note: Anyone who leaves crude or offensive comments will be deleted! Please help...After the divorce? Christian advice...?
You are already well on your way to healing by drawing near to The Father. We all know that divorce was never God's Plan for His children, but as humans we make choices for our lives.
Time and space will heal your wounds. Just take one day at a time and try to see through the Eyes of your Spirit. Meditate upon the things that you do have: Eyes to see, hands to feel, a heart to love, and a Life to live.
Your story is being written day by day. You'll be OK.. and who knows what tomorrow holds? Live today. Praying for you....After the divorce? Christian advice...?
Have faith. God will answer this question for you. Pray about it. Only He truly knows your individual situation. Knock on His door, He will answer you. This might sound vague- but if you give things some time- God will make his plan apparent to you. God can move mountains, He loves you so much, He has wonderful things planned for you, let him take the reigns.
In my opinion, not really Christian but have gone to church numerous times, he was just not the right person for you.
He wasn't just the right man and there is another one who will dramatically change your life. Who is right for you and will be your life partner.
I hope this helps.
u are so young, i am sorry! Well, I would just try and focus on you right now. Keep yourself busy and that will help you take your mind off of the divorce. I wouldn't date for aleast a year. Make yourself some goals and work towards them. Keep praying daily and you should be fine... Have any close friends? I would cling onto them. Good Luck
Why do I have to be Christian to give you an opinion or answer? I wonder if you will delete this just because I asked.
Right then my advice is What Would Jesus Do?
you are setting yourself up for negative comments by saying you want Christian advice cause you are cutting out people that can help you. I don't have Christian advice but suggest you look up Elizebeth Kubler-Ross stages of grief. This will explain than it is normal to feel the way you do. A person would go through shock, anger, etc. Well, I am not going to offer anything else b/c I feel like you are going to reject it cause it isn't Christian advice %26amp; that really is going to limit your ability to have good in your life.EDIT: oh, I see you changed what you wrote or edited. I will only ad this to you. If you belief that the ONLY way is that way than that is all you can open to %26amp; you are shutting yourself off dramatically. You are living a very constricted life. It is done unto you as you believe.
I'm not religious but, I will still try to give some hopefully helpful advice.
The break up of any serious relationship is going to be hard. The first thing you need to do is to accept and acknowledge that the relationship is truly over. He wanted the divorce, he didn't want to work things out with you. So there is nothing you can do to change that. He made up his mind and you can't do anything more except to focus on yourself.
You also need to make yourself feel good. Don't worry about jumping on the dating-love bandwagon again just yet. Take time to do something for YOU. Go back to school, get a new career, take up a new hobby, etc. Now is the time to work on raising your self esteem and making yourself feel good.
Don't alienate yourself either. Make new friends, go to church, get involved in community activites, donate your time to charities, and spend time with your family. You need everyone's support now and it will make you feel good to offer your support to other people who may need it more than you.
Take it one day at a time. It won't be easy, especially in the beginning. But as time goes on, you will heal. And when you are stronger and healthier then you can try to find the perfect person to share the rest of your life with. He wasn't the person but, there is someone out there who is. It will just take a lot of time, patience, and love.
Good luck and I wish you all the best!
Having gone through the same - you probably keep wondering ';WHY';?
Why does this happen, we asked Your blessing?
Or, ';Did i do something wrong';?
I think that the best option is to find yourself, and see if you are straight with God. Sometimes a path joins with another person, only to separate again some time later.
Same happened with me, and though i (we) prayed for a solution - there wasn`t any. But, funny enough, both of us felt Gods blessing in the decision to each go our separate way.
What does kind of anger me, is the fact that your ex-husband seems to be a coward. Using his parents to tell you the bad news? Sorry, but that in itself makes me think he was not the right person for you.
Still, people make mistakes, and people get hurt.
I think that, if you really want ';closure'; you can do two things.
Ask him to have a serious talk with you - but then do it on neutral ground (such as a restaurant, or a church (where you don`t go for sunday worship) would be best).
The other thing is to take some time 'off' - go to some other city, holiday home or hotel - and spend a week of reflection and prayer - and forgive. Not for him, but for yourself.
While i realise from my end, it`s easy to say what you should and should not do - finding peace with God is actually the best course of action - no matter what else you decide.
Should you need to talk more, or just want someone who does understand (in part) what you are going through - feel free to drop me a note through my Y!A profile.
Wishing you blessings and all the best for the coming period.
It`s not going to be easy.
Please advice for divorce in va?
we have been seperated in april 08 %26amp; divided everything. on our seperation papers the date is june, she have filed for the divorce also %26amp; I have signed the waiver too now she is trying to postpone the divorce, we do not have any children. Please advice what I should now as i want to get it over with %26amp; concentrate on other things. Thanks guys !!!Please advice for divorce in va?
I wish you had taken more time to type clearly what you're saying, but what I gather from that piece of rambling is that you signed the waiver to not appear in court for the entry of the final decree and that you don't have a hearing date.
Because you are pro se (or without atty) you can contact her attorney and see what the hold up is. While her atty's not obligated to act on your whim, it could light a fire under her to move forward. If she's not represented (and if you wanted to), go down to the court house and ask them if the file is complete (there are a slew of short forms that are necessary before you can get a court date). If the file is complete then ask them for the form to request a court date and they should send you a notice in a few days. The waiver may hold you up, but you can rescind it, which would mean that you'll have to appear in court for the final entry.
I wish you had taken more time to type clearly what you're saying, but what I gather from that piece of rambling is that you signed the waiver to not appear in court for the entry of the final decree and that you don't have a hearing date.
Because you are pro se (or without atty) you can contact her attorney and see what the hold up is. While her atty's not obligated to act on your whim, it could light a fire under her to move forward. If she's not represented (and if you wanted to), go down to the court house and ask them if the file is complete (there are a slew of short forms that are necessary before you can get a court date). If the file is complete then ask them for the form to request a court date and they should send you a notice in a few days. The waiver may hold you up, but you can rescind it, which would mean that you'll have to appear in court for the final entry.
Should I divorce?please advice me...?
I married with my husband last year,and Im pregnant now..
but my husband does not have work and who always playing on-line games,chatting with his friends,and does not try to find jobs.
Im working hard everyday,and making money for life and baby.
He never violence on me. but, he always blames me when quarreled.
I pay both the hospital cost and the cost of living entirely.
If I divorced, my baby and me can get the money(treated) from the country.
he is young american guy.
and im asian.we cant understand each other well.
I don't know about american guy's mind and Common sense.
he always say that He loves me so much.
but he never show me that serious manner. The figure which thinks about the future properly.
I can't understand what oneself did recently.
please advice me someone.
Should I be divorced?Should I divorce?please advice me...?
I would leave him and see if he will get a job. So far your supporting him he needs you. Show him you dont need him. He needs to support the baby and get offline and workShould I divorce?please advice me...?
Stay with him, separate from him or divorce him the choice is yours. You can work and raise your baby either here or back home. But you should not rely on him or government money to support your decision to have a baby and keep it. He is proving to you that he is irresponsible, that will likely not change because of a baby. If you want to stay with him because you love him and want to work it out talk with a minister or marriage counselor.
You can't right now. You're pregnant, and it would be too much hassle at this particular point. You definitely wouldn't want anything to go wrong with your baby during a difficult time, which would autmatically equal stress on your body.
When you're stable, mentally and physically, then you should be able to do it. But right now, just pay the loser no mind, but let him know how stupid he is. He really is a loser. You can do a lot better without someone as childish and a leech as him.
first thing u have to do is sit him down and place the cards on the table.. he isnt a child and he needs to get a job and support u and the baby... meaning help with all expenses.. if he is too lazy to do that then he needs to get out..give him an ultimatum.. as u said yourself u pay for everything so u dont need him.. if u have to divorce him then do soo... u need a husband and loving father for your child good luck
if You go to church go and get some help with dealing with your marriage.
divorce is not the answer to all of your problems, it is only the start if he wants visitation, and then gets married again and then one of you want to move and so on and so on.
counseling could be the answer you need to look for.
good luck
He must have been this way when you got married too. You accepted it then, but no longer. I think you need to examine the reasons you married him. However, regardless of how he has been for a year or more, he should be willing to do for you if it makes you happy and it's necessary.
Have a heart to heart talk and tell him he has to pitch in.
Personal opinion - get a divorce.
Actually, some asian behaves like this too. Some malaysian man I know is like that, lay-back, no responsibility, and the wife earns money to support family and children.
Not all American men are like that. He's being very immature. Unless you want your child raised around him as an example, divorce him.
tell him if he looks for work. its ok. but if he dont your off .
When you say you can get the money from the county...... What does that mean exactly? If you mean going on welfare, that is what is wrong with this economy now...people all want a free ride and other people end up paying for the others mistakes. I really dont think this is the case here, for the fact that i have worked in a Korean spa for the past 12 years and Asian people are anything but lazy. But on the other hand if you mean getting the department of child support to help you get child support from your husband, yes you can do that but the courts have to first give you custody of the baby and order the child support. That doesnt grantee you will get the child support though Hun, he has to have a job first.
You sound way to sweet for all this. I say get out of this dead end relationship now. And if he blames you for everything, he is abusing you mentally. And that kind of abuse is far worse than getting smacked around a little. The bruises heal but it is much harder to fix the brain. And if he is treating you like this how is he going to treat your child?? That is a scary thought.
Your best bet is going to talk to an attorney find out from a professional what all of your safest options are and the ones available to you where you live and go from there. Just know that in most cases the person who files for the divorce is usually the one who gets what they want outa the divorce. So dont mention it to him that your going to talk to an attorney.
but my husband does not have work and who always playing on-line games,chatting with his friends,and does not try to find jobs.
Im working hard everyday,and making money for life and baby.
He never violence on me. but, he always blames me when quarreled.
I pay both the hospital cost and the cost of living entirely.
If I divorced, my baby and me can get the money(treated) from the country.
he is young american guy.
and im asian.we cant understand each other well.
I don't know about american guy's mind and Common sense.
he always say that He loves me so much.
but he never show me that serious manner. The figure which thinks about the future properly.
I can't understand what oneself did recently.
please advice me someone.
Should I be divorced?Should I divorce?please advice me...?
I would leave him and see if he will get a job. So far your supporting him he needs you. Show him you dont need him. He needs to support the baby and get offline and workShould I divorce?please advice me...?
Stay with him, separate from him or divorce him the choice is yours. You can work and raise your baby either here or back home. But you should not rely on him or government money to support your decision to have a baby and keep it. He is proving to you that he is irresponsible, that will likely not change because of a baby. If you want to stay with him because you love him and want to work it out talk with a minister or marriage counselor.
You can't right now. You're pregnant, and it would be too much hassle at this particular point. You definitely wouldn't want anything to go wrong with your baby during a difficult time, which would autmatically equal stress on your body.
When you're stable, mentally and physically, then you should be able to do it. But right now, just pay the loser no mind, but let him know how stupid he is. He really is a loser. You can do a lot better without someone as childish and a leech as him.
first thing u have to do is sit him down and place the cards on the table.. he isnt a child and he needs to get a job and support u and the baby... meaning help with all expenses.. if he is too lazy to do that then he needs to get out..give him an ultimatum.. as u said yourself u pay for everything so u dont need him.. if u have to divorce him then do soo... u need a husband and loving father for your child good luck
if You go to church go and get some help with dealing with your marriage.
divorce is not the answer to all of your problems, it is only the start if he wants visitation, and then gets married again and then one of you want to move and so on and so on.
counseling could be the answer you need to look for.
good luck
He must have been this way when you got married too. You accepted it then, but no longer. I think you need to examine the reasons you married him. However, regardless of how he has been for a year or more, he should be willing to do for you if it makes you happy and it's necessary.
Have a heart to heart talk and tell him he has to pitch in.
Personal opinion - get a divorce.
Actually, some asian behaves like this too. Some malaysian man I know is like that, lay-back, no responsibility, and the wife earns money to support family and children.
Not all American men are like that. He's being very immature. Unless you want your child raised around him as an example, divorce him.
tell him if he looks for work. its ok. but if he dont your off .
When you say you can get the money from the county...... What does that mean exactly? If you mean going on welfare, that is what is wrong with this economy now...people all want a free ride and other people end up paying for the others mistakes. I really dont think this is the case here, for the fact that i have worked in a Korean spa for the past 12 years and Asian people are anything but lazy. But on the other hand if you mean getting the department of child support to help you get child support from your husband, yes you can do that but the courts have to first give you custody of the baby and order the child support. That doesnt grantee you will get the child support though Hun, he has to have a job first.
You sound way to sweet for all this. I say get out of this dead end relationship now. And if he blames you for everything, he is abusing you mentally. And that kind of abuse is far worse than getting smacked around a little. The bruises heal but it is much harder to fix the brain. And if he is treating you like this how is he going to treat your child?? That is a scary thought.
Your best bet is going to talk to an attorney find out from a professional what all of your safest options are and the ones available to you where you live and go from there. Just know that in most cases the person who files for the divorce is usually the one who gets what they want outa the divorce. So dont mention it to him that your going to talk to an attorney.
Talking about divorce...need advice?
i have decided to tell my husband i am divorcing him tonight i am not happy %26amp; i'm tired of trying to pretend like i'm happy when i'm not i've been doing that for about 4 yrs now i do not want to hurt him i love him %26amp; i always will just not in love w/ him there r kids involved so i want it 2 be as civil as it can when its concerning them.. my husband likes to pretend everything is ok just so he doesnt have to deal w/ anything when it concerns us he's been know to throw a tempure tanturm when he doesnt get his way or things dont go toward his liking.. its so hard to even think about telling him much less do it i cant go on another day like this im so scared as to whats going to happen when i tell him because he's so unpredictable
its been 12 yrs now %26amp; i just dont see myself next to him 30 yrs from now in that rocking chair anymore .... so please any advice would helpTalking about divorce...need advice?
You talk alot about how you've tried to make it work, has he tried too? Is he aware that you feel this strong about ending your marriage or is he aware that things have gotten so bad? You should make him aware and give him one last chance to work with you, via marriage counselling or whatever means to make the marriage work, if not then be clear and confident in what you say and get the ball rolling asap and keep things clear cut. Good luckTalking about divorce...need advice?
Why are you jumping on the divorce train? You should be discussing your thoughts and feelings. You say that you still love him, if that were true you wouldn't want a divorce you would do whatever it takes to make it work the way its supposed to.
Start by dating again, go out to dinners a walk on the beach. Do things together, but don't just walk away from a 12 year marriage because your not happy. Make yourself happy again, make your husband happy again. Divorce will not make you happy!!
Divorce seems pretty drastic considering you are just not happy and are tired. You make it sound like this will be a huge surprise to him. That probably means you have not talked to him at all about how you feel. Why don't you start there instead of jumping into a divorce, that with kids, will be definitely messy.
If this is what you want, then do it. But first find a place for you and your children before you telling him, you have waiting 4 years now I'm sure you can wait a couple of month until you find a nice safe place for you guys. DON'T MOVE IN WITH FAMILY UNLESS YOU CAN'T TAKE STAYING WITH HIM ANYMORE.... Life is to short to be unhappy live your life enjoy it.. Remember we only live once.......
STOP right there! Contact a clergyman and have him interveen on your familys behave. The minister may be able to talk with your husband %26amp; you. While I see your husband needing individual therapy, I think you both need marriage counseling. Good luck.
You already hae made your decison and that's the first step, now it is time to walk threw that door. Don't be talked out of it. if you do u will be on here again asking how u were talked into staying.
Stick to ur guns.
Just talk about it like you did here. Remain calm and reasonable and be prepared for an outburst. It sounds like you know what you want so go to it!
Talking, sounds like you made your mind up.
Your real name wouldnt happen to be ***** would it? Man if it is this is so wrong to find out this way? C'mon babe we can make it work! I'm sorry for what ever I did! please dont go!
Wow I really wonder........
Sometimes things just get off track. If you love him get it back on
I got divorced from a guy who was the same way. Didn't want to address any issues we were having, looked the other way hoping it would just go away, etc. Luckily we didn't have children.
Here is the advice I have, after getting a divorce and seeing what it did to both of our families and him, and now being remarried with a 2year old:
Because you have children with this man, I would try every possible option available to you to try to make it work.
I would take it DAY BY DAY, quit looking toward the future. Focus on the issues in the now, don't do the ';I can't imagine being married to him in the future'; it doesn't help matters. This sounds like a total lack of communication - been there, done that and it is not easy to get past, but you can do it.
I would sit him down and tell him that either you two start marriage counseling to learn how to talk to each other so you can address issues, or that you will start divorce proceedings. Tell him you want to be with him and you love him and your children but that you are feeling stiffled beause nothing gets solved, just swept under the rug and too much animosity has built up. You can't live this way anymore and you want to get help, but if he doesn't do it then you know that you weren't meant to last and you should go your separate ways.
You don't want to sound confrontational. No matter what he does, keep calm and tell him over and over that you want to try to make it work, but you need him to want to try too. He sounds like he is so unpredictable because there is no communication between you two and he doesn't know how to deal when you come to him with a problem, he feels threatened even though you may not mean him to feel that way.
Barring that, if he refuses, then divorce is @ss and move on.
My only caution would be to have a plan of action. You can't just say ';I'm leaving you, pass the potatoes';,. I mean, are you planning to leave the house or do you want him to leave? There are children, who gets them?
All I'm saying is, think this through and plan it out. Things will go better (especially if you don't expect to live in the same house for awhile).
Good luck.
Well first off I have to say that divorce is the final and last straw in a relationship...Have you considered counseling or talking to your minister? I think people today really divorce to quickly and think that that is the answer to marital problems. You loved him enough to say I do can't you love him enough to see if there is a chance for a resolution. I wonder if it not just about being unhappy or out of love as it may be the fact that you have your eye on someone else and making your marriage look bad or seem hopeless can be an excuse to feel less guilty about the feelings you are having for this other person.. If this the case I hope you consider the children and the fact that you have been in a relationship with this man for several years...taking that into consideration he deserves your respect and honesty. I hope you seek counseling before making such a hasty decision. Maybe in counseling the areas in your marriage that are lacking that you miss or long for may be made obvious to him and it may rekindle the flame and make you see that you just needed him to understand you and your needs. Good luck and think this through thoroughly before doing anything drastic
If you have tried to work out the problems and he just doesn't want to improve, you deserve to have a happier life for yourself. Marriage takes two and when an abuser or depressed person is not willing to work, he doesn't deserve to make his family miserable just because he refuses to help himself.
I was once married to a man with anger and control issues similar to the ones you describe. He got much worse when I tried to leave which I found out was very typical of abusive men.
It might be useful to contact your local Women's Shelter because they have people trained to deal with these types of scenarios. They have counselors who will help you work through problems and you do not have to leave your guy once you know new perspectives on fixing problems.
Also, the Womens Shelter can help you and your children with all sorts of resources if you need to leave, even if only for a little while.
People may try to tell you to stay and put up with it, no one knows what abuse is like until they have experienced it.
Good luck and take care of yourself because your little kids depend on your well-being!!
Very hard but sorry no simple way to deal with it. I would suggest you need to sit down and talk through all the problems you have and then lead this into I don't think our marriage is going to last as I cant carry on like this. Try to keep the talking civil as well, it is to easy to start an argument, try not to let it get that way. When you start this talk make it clear that this is a try and sort it out as a last chance for both of you. If things are that bad, you will ot be able to resolve the issues but at least it does not come over as I want a divorce. Also use what you said above that you do love him but not in love with him and ask how he feels ask if he thinks he is still in love with you and if so why does he not talk more about the problems you have.
I would rather say I hope you resolve things and stay together but reading your questions I think you have made up your mind but please do keep an open mind and stay calm, do not say anything you may regret later.
The only advice I can give you is to really think about this, divorce, like marriage, is a big step, and it is something you really have to want to do, with your whole heart and mind, just like when you got married, you felt like it was right then, you have to feel what you want to do now is right also.
There are children involved this time, they will be affected, it is not like it is just you and your husband, have you thought how and what you are going to do to help your children through this??
You and your husband have to talk about how you are going to help the children deal with this, they are going to have so many issues and think that it is their fault and that they did something wrong to make you guys get a divorce, and it is your job as parents to reassure the children that it is not that way at all, it is just that mommie does not love daddy anymore.
How and when you tell your husband is up to you, but you are not going to get an easy reaction out of him, expect the worst reaction, that is what you are going to get, and if things get out of hand, make sure you have a place to stay.
It is really hard when the other spouse has no idea what he or she is in for when they come home from work.
I hope you thought this through and are confident in how and what you are going to tell the children and your husband, because from what I see here, is that your children have no idea at all what is going to go down tonight, and they are going to hit the wall!!!!!!
Well dear I don't have experience in a divorce, but my sister is actually going through one right now ( not her fault) and I see her suffering and my nephews more because of their father who makes things so difficult and has to have everything his way. So It kinda reminds me of my sisters X how he has temper tantrums ect, so all I can tell you is make it peaceful and try to come to some sort of an agreement to be civil with each other for the kids sake because they shouldn't have to suffer for their parents misunderstandings ya know. And it may seem hard to come to some agreements with him if he is that way, but all you can do is try and make the best of things for your kids. And also for you, if you aren't happy and you probally tried about everything with him, then maybe it is best you move on. You will be bonded together forever since you have kids ,so just let him down as gently as you can and let him know you love him and always will but you don't see this working out in the long run since you don't see eye to eye anymore. Let him know you will make things work for him and the kids and want things in peace for them ya know. You never know maybe he will understand. And def take care of yourself since he is so unpredictable, make sure when you tell him when you are by yourselves and the kids are at grandmas or school because you don't want the kids to hear nothing let alone him go crazy or something. ( God forbid) And when you do tell them about your seperation, do it together so they can see you guys are okay with each other and are nice to one another as friends and won't be to hurt or upset ya know. I hope he understands and sees that things aren't working out because maybe he feels the same way ya know and it could workout fine, so I will pray for you that things go well and your children will be okay as well. Take care and God bless!
its been 12 yrs now %26amp; i just dont see myself next to him 30 yrs from now in that rocking chair anymore .... so please any advice would helpTalking about divorce...need advice?
You talk alot about how you've tried to make it work, has he tried too? Is he aware that you feel this strong about ending your marriage or is he aware that things have gotten so bad? You should make him aware and give him one last chance to work with you, via marriage counselling or whatever means to make the marriage work, if not then be clear and confident in what you say and get the ball rolling asap and keep things clear cut. Good luckTalking about divorce...need advice?
Why are you jumping on the divorce train? You should be discussing your thoughts and feelings. You say that you still love him, if that were true you wouldn't want a divorce you would do whatever it takes to make it work the way its supposed to.
Start by dating again, go out to dinners a walk on the beach. Do things together, but don't just walk away from a 12 year marriage because your not happy. Make yourself happy again, make your husband happy again. Divorce will not make you happy!!
Divorce seems pretty drastic considering you are just not happy and are tired. You make it sound like this will be a huge surprise to him. That probably means you have not talked to him at all about how you feel. Why don't you start there instead of jumping into a divorce, that with kids, will be definitely messy.
If this is what you want, then do it. But first find a place for you and your children before you telling him, you have waiting 4 years now I'm sure you can wait a couple of month until you find a nice safe place for you guys. DON'T MOVE IN WITH FAMILY UNLESS YOU CAN'T TAKE STAYING WITH HIM ANYMORE.... Life is to short to be unhappy live your life enjoy it.. Remember we only live once.......
STOP right there! Contact a clergyman and have him interveen on your familys behave. The minister may be able to talk with your husband %26amp; you. While I see your husband needing individual therapy, I think you both need marriage counseling. Good luck.
You already hae made your decison and that's the first step, now it is time to walk threw that door. Don't be talked out of it. if you do u will be on here again asking how u were talked into staying.
Stick to ur guns.
Just talk about it like you did here. Remain calm and reasonable and be prepared for an outburst. It sounds like you know what you want so go to it!
Talking, sounds like you made your mind up.
Your real name wouldnt happen to be ***** would it? Man if it is this is so wrong to find out this way? C'mon babe we can make it work! I'm sorry for what ever I did! please dont go!
Wow I really wonder........
Sometimes things just get off track. If you love him get it back on
I got divorced from a guy who was the same way. Didn't want to address any issues we were having, looked the other way hoping it would just go away, etc. Luckily we didn't have children.
Here is the advice I have, after getting a divorce and seeing what it did to both of our families and him, and now being remarried with a 2year old:
Because you have children with this man, I would try every possible option available to you to try to make it work.
I would take it DAY BY DAY, quit looking toward the future. Focus on the issues in the now, don't do the ';I can't imagine being married to him in the future'; it doesn't help matters. This sounds like a total lack of communication - been there, done that and it is not easy to get past, but you can do it.
I would sit him down and tell him that either you two start marriage counseling to learn how to talk to each other so you can address issues, or that you will start divorce proceedings. Tell him you want to be with him and you love him and your children but that you are feeling stiffled beause nothing gets solved, just swept under the rug and too much animosity has built up. You can't live this way anymore and you want to get help, but if he doesn't do it then you know that you weren't meant to last and you should go your separate ways.
You don't want to sound confrontational. No matter what he does, keep calm and tell him over and over that you want to try to make it work, but you need him to want to try too. He sounds like he is so unpredictable because there is no communication between you two and he doesn't know how to deal when you come to him with a problem, he feels threatened even though you may not mean him to feel that way.
Barring that, if he refuses, then divorce is @ss and move on.
My only caution would be to have a plan of action. You can't just say ';I'm leaving you, pass the potatoes';,. I mean, are you planning to leave the house or do you want him to leave? There are children, who gets them?
All I'm saying is, think this through and plan it out. Things will go better (especially if you don't expect to live in the same house for awhile).
Good luck.
Well first off I have to say that divorce is the final and last straw in a relationship...Have you considered counseling or talking to your minister? I think people today really divorce to quickly and think that that is the answer to marital problems. You loved him enough to say I do can't you love him enough to see if there is a chance for a resolution. I wonder if it not just about being unhappy or out of love as it may be the fact that you have your eye on someone else and making your marriage look bad or seem hopeless can be an excuse to feel less guilty about the feelings you are having for this other person.. If this the case I hope you consider the children and the fact that you have been in a relationship with this man for several years...taking that into consideration he deserves your respect and honesty. I hope you seek counseling before making such a hasty decision. Maybe in counseling the areas in your marriage that are lacking that you miss or long for may be made obvious to him and it may rekindle the flame and make you see that you just needed him to understand you and your needs. Good luck and think this through thoroughly before doing anything drastic
If you have tried to work out the problems and he just doesn't want to improve, you deserve to have a happier life for yourself. Marriage takes two and when an abuser or depressed person is not willing to work, he doesn't deserve to make his family miserable just because he refuses to help himself.
I was once married to a man with anger and control issues similar to the ones you describe. He got much worse when I tried to leave which I found out was very typical of abusive men.
It might be useful to contact your local Women's Shelter because they have people trained to deal with these types of scenarios. They have counselors who will help you work through problems and you do not have to leave your guy once you know new perspectives on fixing problems.
Also, the Womens Shelter can help you and your children with all sorts of resources if you need to leave, even if only for a little while.
People may try to tell you to stay and put up with it, no one knows what abuse is like until they have experienced it.
Good luck and take care of yourself because your little kids depend on your well-being!!
Very hard but sorry no simple way to deal with it. I would suggest you need to sit down and talk through all the problems you have and then lead this into I don't think our marriage is going to last as I cant carry on like this. Try to keep the talking civil as well, it is to easy to start an argument, try not to let it get that way. When you start this talk make it clear that this is a try and sort it out as a last chance for both of you. If things are that bad, you will ot be able to resolve the issues but at least it does not come over as I want a divorce. Also use what you said above that you do love him but not in love with him and ask how he feels ask if he thinks he is still in love with you and if so why does he not talk more about the problems you have.
I would rather say I hope you resolve things and stay together but reading your questions I think you have made up your mind but please do keep an open mind and stay calm, do not say anything you may regret later.
The only advice I can give you is to really think about this, divorce, like marriage, is a big step, and it is something you really have to want to do, with your whole heart and mind, just like when you got married, you felt like it was right then, you have to feel what you want to do now is right also.
There are children involved this time, they will be affected, it is not like it is just you and your husband, have you thought how and what you are going to do to help your children through this??
You and your husband have to talk about how you are going to help the children deal with this, they are going to have so many issues and think that it is their fault and that they did something wrong to make you guys get a divorce, and it is your job as parents to reassure the children that it is not that way at all, it is just that mommie does not love daddy anymore.
How and when you tell your husband is up to you, but you are not going to get an easy reaction out of him, expect the worst reaction, that is what you are going to get, and if things get out of hand, make sure you have a place to stay.
It is really hard when the other spouse has no idea what he or she is in for when they come home from work.
I hope you thought this through and are confident in how and what you are going to tell the children and your husband, because from what I see here, is that your children have no idea at all what is going to go down tonight, and they are going to hit the wall!!!!!!
Well dear I don't have experience in a divorce, but my sister is actually going through one right now ( not her fault) and I see her suffering and my nephews more because of their father who makes things so difficult and has to have everything his way. So It kinda reminds me of my sisters X how he has temper tantrums ect, so all I can tell you is make it peaceful and try to come to some sort of an agreement to be civil with each other for the kids sake because they shouldn't have to suffer for their parents misunderstandings ya know. And it may seem hard to come to some agreements with him if he is that way, but all you can do is try and make the best of things for your kids. And also for you, if you aren't happy and you probally tried about everything with him, then maybe it is best you move on. You will be bonded together forever since you have kids ,so just let him down as gently as you can and let him know you love him and always will but you don't see this working out in the long run since you don't see eye to eye anymore. Let him know you will make things work for him and the kids and want things in peace for them ya know. You never know maybe he will understand. And def take care of yourself since he is so unpredictable, make sure when you tell him when you are by yourselves and the kids are at grandmas or school because you don't want the kids to hear nothing let alone him go crazy or something. ( God forbid) And when you do tell them about your seperation, do it together so they can see you guys are okay with each other and are nice to one another as friends and won't be to hurt or upset ya know. I hope he understands and sees that things aren't working out because maybe he feels the same way ya know and it could workout fine, so I will pray for you that things go well and your children will be okay as well. Take care and God bless!
Getting a divorce need advice?
let me ask something i am going to file on monday so my ex wants to have my son everyother week i told him i dont think thats good! he lives in another town i said how will he get to school his brother or sister n law will drive him. i dont think thats right he should be with his mom what do you think of this. his dad has only given me 60.00 out of the last 3 months. he is brain washing him he told my son i'm going to take your moms truck away he threatened me to take it away and said he would tell them it was stolen so i went to the police he said he can not do that by law he gets a car andyou get one too. any advice? my poor son is all i think of i have done everything for him i'm the one who does his homework we are on a schedule not once has he ever done his homework now he wants to be a dad any suggestions! i cannot wait to file let me tell youGetting a divorce need advice?
let the father see his kid! GEEEEEZ!!!Getting a divorce need advice?
Well the final way out is that u have to hire a clever lawyer and file a case against him proving that he is incapable of bringing up the kid. Only then u can get rid of him full and finally. http://www.reviewlocator.com/reviews/surviving-divorce-divorce-survival-a-review-on-product-prepare-for-divorce/
here is what he will get he will get the child ever other week
end. Saturday and sunday. and he will half to bring him
home. during the summer when school is out he will get them for half the summer all so. he will get them ever other
holiday. and to ne honest child support don't have any thing
to do with visitation. this is what the judge will order.
obta谋n a lawyer - all of th谋s w谋ll be answered 谋n great deta谋l by your legal councel
Before I answer I have to say I have no direct experience in divorce. Keep in mind, its going to be rough for a little bit no matter what. The best thing you can do is to not fight with your soon to be ex. You have a son so you can't avoid him, but when you do speak with him keep it on the subject of your son and only on that topic and be polite. Also keep a record of every confrontation or anything negative he does, as detailed as possible (write down dates times, if its a phone call keep any record you can, if its a note or a message on a phone save it). Talk with a lawer, let them litagate the divorce, and let the court decied who gets what, and custody issues. Other than that keep all contact professional and polite.
i think alot wud have 2 do w/how old ur son is. if hes old enuf 2 understand then talk 2 ur son about it. dont fret the stuff like the truck and stuff cuz there is nuthing he can do about it. file on monday, ur gunna have 2 get a lawyer but let him do all the work and dont worry. theyll figure out child supprot and base it off the day u seperated not the day u filed so ull get back child support. plus theyll do all the figuring n who gets what, just tell ur lawyer what y want and theyll fght it out 4 u. they r not going 2 take ur son away unless ur sum crack addict who doesnt take care of ur kids which ur obviously not so itll b fine. they usually wont set up visitation where he gets him every other week especially while he lives outta town. the whole point is 2 keep the kid n a stable enviroment and shuttlng back n forth that much is not that stable. get a good lawyer and i dont think ull have 2 worry much good luck
let the father see his kid! GEEEEEZ!!!Getting a divorce need advice?
Well the final way out is that u have to hire a clever lawyer and file a case against him proving that he is incapable of bringing up the kid. Only then u can get rid of him full and finally. http://www.reviewlocator.com/reviews/surviving-divorce-divorce-survival-a-review-on-product-prepare-for-divorce/
here is what he will get he will get the child ever other week
end. Saturday and sunday. and he will half to bring him
home. during the summer when school is out he will get them for half the summer all so. he will get them ever other
holiday. and to ne honest child support don't have any thing
to do with visitation. this is what the judge will order.
obta谋n a lawyer - all of th谋s w谋ll be answered 谋n great deta谋l by your legal councel
Before I answer I have to say I have no direct experience in divorce. Keep in mind, its going to be rough for a little bit no matter what. The best thing you can do is to not fight with your soon to be ex. You have a son so you can't avoid him, but when you do speak with him keep it on the subject of your son and only on that topic and be polite. Also keep a record of every confrontation or anything negative he does, as detailed as possible (write down dates times, if its a phone call keep any record you can, if its a note or a message on a phone save it). Talk with a lawer, let them litagate the divorce, and let the court decied who gets what, and custody issues. Other than that keep all contact professional and polite.
i think alot wud have 2 do w/how old ur son is. if hes old enuf 2 understand then talk 2 ur son about it. dont fret the stuff like the truck and stuff cuz there is nuthing he can do about it. file on monday, ur gunna have 2 get a lawyer but let him do all the work and dont worry. theyll figure out child supprot and base it off the day u seperated not the day u filed so ull get back child support. plus theyll do all the figuring n who gets what, just tell ur lawyer what y want and theyll fght it out 4 u. they r not going 2 take ur son away unless ur sum crack addict who doesnt take care of ur kids which ur obviously not so itll b fine. they usually wont set up visitation where he gets him every other week especially while he lives outta town. the whole point is 2 keep the kid n a stable enviroment and shuttlng back n forth that much is not that stable. get a good lawyer and i dont think ull have 2 worry much good luck
Possible Divorce.... Need advice.... Did I do the right thing?
I guess let me start with our ages I am 21 he is 27....
We will be married for 1 year on December 12th. I love my husband, but he and I just aren't the same anymore.
We've French kissed 1 time in the past 4 months at least. We only make love when he wants to. When we are on the phone a majority of the time is spend either in silence or bickering at one another. That is what we have turned into.
When we met we made love all the time sometimes 3 times a day.
We also rushed a lot of things; we've been together for a total of 2 years this December. We have a beautiful little girl, she is 9 months old.
I love him, and I don't want to be without him but I just feel like maybe we are not in love with each other anymore.
I've gained some weight since we've been together and since I have had the baby. I was 125 pound when we met and now I am 170 pounds. I feel like a lot of this weight is my depression of supporting our family (I'm the money maker in our relationship) and not having a husband that wants to touch me.
I don't really know what to do about this...
I told him that if we don't start having sex on a regular basis and if I don't see a change of how things are that we may have to have a trial seperation... I said that in hopes that maybe he will try. I have told him before that it hurts me the lack of love making and passion between us and nothing has changed so I felt like maybe it is what I have to do.Possible Divorce.... Need advice.... Did I do the right thing?
i'm going to be honest maybe your weight gain has caused him to lose attraction to you. love is a choice. you need to ask him if he still finds you sexually attractive and have him be honest with you. and if he says no then you need to work on that. first let him do the talking with out either one of you arguing. talk like adults.
then you tell him what your needs are. again TALK like adults.
once both of you have let the necessities off your chest work on them as a team.
but do not only blame him for all of the relationships problems.
best of luck Possible Divorce.... Need advice.... Did I do the right thing?
Unless the two of you sit down and have a REAL heart-to-heart talk, and get the problems out in the open so you can deal with them, this marriage is doomed to fail. You don't know why he feels and acts like he does towards you, and that will eat at you like cancer, until you find out, so at least you can work on solving the problems.
MArrige counsling
See if he is willing to go to a marriage counselor? If he is not willing to try and work on this marriage, then that should tell you, that you can't do this by yourself. Then you have to face the fact, it is no way to get to him. You have to move on, for you. You deserve to be happy, even if you have to be by yourself. Read books on self esteem, and start to work on yourself. Pray, it works!
Dear T. W.
Your doing all the right things by communicating. Be careful that you can back up what you say. If you are going to leave find a place or someone to stay with don't just leave without any friends or nowhere to go, secure a separate bank account first, especially with i child in the pic....Even though I am a man I went through much the same as you...I was a stay home dad for eight years with chronically ill kids...What ever you do take care of yourself and your heart first that way you will be able to care for your child.
Usually the woman in the relationship is the one who keeps the family unit together. Men are usually the ones who think abstractly while the women thinks with her emotions. We have more of the compassion and passion. That's why we can have kids. Wonder how populated the world would be if men were to push a seven pounder out of a small, itsy bitsy area. Men want to get off work and sit and watch tv...He wants to be the prowler of the house. The little woman needs to do the mundane stuff. I know that this is making us look as if we play the role of the little woman, but in reality we are the ones who know how to keep the family together. What you need to realize is that it's up to you to teach hubby and you how to talk differently on the phone, in person and in public. It's up to you to teach hubby how to communicate. You guys need to learn how to say...I am upset right now, lets talk after we have had a cool down time. If this marriage is worth saving, then it will be up to you to learn how to save it and start making changes.
Why not do the seperation thing. It seems to me you both need to be away from each other. Are you nagging him about the house cleanliness or anything?
Try and diet while you are seperated. If you lose weight and he wants sex again then he is not in love with you. My wife and I are 13 years in and we have both been over weight. It did affect the sex style. Like no lights on and few changes in position but we still wanted each other just as much.
First of all Please lose weight for YOURSELF. It will make you happier %26amp; feel better about your self to stand alone. You can stand alone in a marriage as well as out of one. Being depressed about weight will only add pounds I know. Get a Dr's help if you need You are worth it.125-170 is not that big of a weight gain. Don't nag about sex if it's just sex %26amp; not love. Why would you even want to force someone to have sex?
There are great books to help a marriage if you can't afford counselor's.
Jimmy %26amp; Karen have a program on DYSTR Satellite TV offering tools for an ideal marriage. Sex alone does not make a good marriage
Sometimes it isn't easy to give more than you get but in the end it's better than nothing. Like they say nothing ventured nothing gained.
Try %26amp; be loving even if you don't feel like it.
And if you are the money maker in the family that should give you self esteem not an ';you owe me now'; thing. That would be a turn off for your husband for starters. Work on you even though you may feel it's not you, %26amp; know he probably feels it's not he either.. Someone %26amp; somethings gotta give.
What I missed 1st is Turn to God %26amp; ask for help Pray if you can.It'll help you through this turmoil.liquid eye liner
We will be married for 1 year on December 12th. I love my husband, but he and I just aren't the same anymore.
We've French kissed 1 time in the past 4 months at least. We only make love when he wants to. When we are on the phone a majority of the time is spend either in silence or bickering at one another. That is what we have turned into.
When we met we made love all the time sometimes 3 times a day.
We also rushed a lot of things; we've been together for a total of 2 years this December. We have a beautiful little girl, she is 9 months old.
I love him, and I don't want to be without him but I just feel like maybe we are not in love with each other anymore.
I've gained some weight since we've been together and since I have had the baby. I was 125 pound when we met and now I am 170 pounds. I feel like a lot of this weight is my depression of supporting our family (I'm the money maker in our relationship) and not having a husband that wants to touch me.
I don't really know what to do about this...
I told him that if we don't start having sex on a regular basis and if I don't see a change of how things are that we may have to have a trial seperation... I said that in hopes that maybe he will try. I have told him before that it hurts me the lack of love making and passion between us and nothing has changed so I felt like maybe it is what I have to do.Possible Divorce.... Need advice.... Did I do the right thing?
i'm going to be honest maybe your weight gain has caused him to lose attraction to you. love is a choice. you need to ask him if he still finds you sexually attractive and have him be honest with you. and if he says no then you need to work on that. first let him do the talking with out either one of you arguing. talk like adults.
then you tell him what your needs are. again TALK like adults.
once both of you have let the necessities off your chest work on them as a team.
but do not only blame him for all of the relationships problems.
best of luck Possible Divorce.... Need advice.... Did I do the right thing?
Unless the two of you sit down and have a REAL heart-to-heart talk, and get the problems out in the open so you can deal with them, this marriage is doomed to fail. You don't know why he feels and acts like he does towards you, and that will eat at you like cancer, until you find out, so at least you can work on solving the problems.
MArrige counsling
See if he is willing to go to a marriage counselor? If he is not willing to try and work on this marriage, then that should tell you, that you can't do this by yourself. Then you have to face the fact, it is no way to get to him. You have to move on, for you. You deserve to be happy, even if you have to be by yourself. Read books on self esteem, and start to work on yourself. Pray, it works!
Dear T. W.
Your doing all the right things by communicating. Be careful that you can back up what you say. If you are going to leave find a place or someone to stay with don't just leave without any friends or nowhere to go, secure a separate bank account first, especially with i child in the pic....Even though I am a man I went through much the same as you...I was a stay home dad for eight years with chronically ill kids...What ever you do take care of yourself and your heart first that way you will be able to care for your child.
Usually the woman in the relationship is the one who keeps the family unit together. Men are usually the ones who think abstractly while the women thinks with her emotions. We have more of the compassion and passion. That's why we can have kids. Wonder how populated the world would be if men were to push a seven pounder out of a small, itsy bitsy area. Men want to get off work and sit and watch tv...He wants to be the prowler of the house. The little woman needs to do the mundane stuff. I know that this is making us look as if we play the role of the little woman, but in reality we are the ones who know how to keep the family together. What you need to realize is that it's up to you to teach hubby and you how to talk differently on the phone, in person and in public. It's up to you to teach hubby how to communicate. You guys need to learn how to say...I am upset right now, lets talk after we have had a cool down time. If this marriage is worth saving, then it will be up to you to learn how to save it and start making changes.
Why not do the seperation thing. It seems to me you both need to be away from each other. Are you nagging him about the house cleanliness or anything?
Try and diet while you are seperated. If you lose weight and he wants sex again then he is not in love with you. My wife and I are 13 years in and we have both been over weight. It did affect the sex style. Like no lights on and few changes in position but we still wanted each other just as much.
First of all Please lose weight for YOURSELF. It will make you happier %26amp; feel better about your self to stand alone. You can stand alone in a marriage as well as out of one. Being depressed about weight will only add pounds I know. Get a Dr's help if you need You are worth it.125-170 is not that big of a weight gain. Don't nag about sex if it's just sex %26amp; not love. Why would you even want to force someone to have sex?
There are great books to help a marriage if you can't afford counselor's.
Jimmy %26amp; Karen have a program on DYSTR Satellite TV offering tools for an ideal marriage. Sex alone does not make a good marriage
Sometimes it isn't easy to give more than you get but in the end it's better than nothing. Like they say nothing ventured nothing gained.
Try %26amp; be loving even if you don't feel like it.
And if you are the money maker in the family that should give you self esteem not an ';you owe me now'; thing. That would be a turn off for your husband for starters. Work on you even though you may feel it's not you, %26amp; know he probably feels it's not he either.. Someone %26amp; somethings gotta give.
What I missed 1st is Turn to God %26amp; ask for help Pray if you can.It'll help you through this turmoil.
Complicated divorce, need advice?
I have recently asked my husband for a divorce. It was a relationship that was very unhealthy and codependent, unsupportive, and never should have happened. I married a man who had cheated on me with multiple women, who took advantage of me financially, and had been physically and verbally abusive. So, I've found the inner strength and self respect to finally leave. The complicated part, is that I am corresponding with a man that I went to highschool with. We have limited it to emails and text messages and we have formed a repectful friendship, there is NO sexual references, he knows everything that is going on with my marriage/ divorce and is very respectful and just provides support. But I still feel SO GUILTY about this. I've read that codependent women will still feel guilty for things like this. I also want to do things ';right'; for all involved. I don't know if I may ever have a future with this other man, but I am also afraid of him losing respect for me because I am talking to him before the divorce is final. Any thoughts? I have NO intentions on meeting with this other man. He lives in a different state currently, but we are from the same home town. This man is very respectful of my current situation and is just so nice and I really value his friendship right now.Complicated divorce, need advice?
GUILT IS A USELESS EMOTION. what have you done wrong.Complicated divorce, need advice?
feeling guilty???
y do you feel guilty to a man you wanted to divorce.. if you want to divorce you have to be ready to move on and be alone again..
re this other man.. i think you're actually inflating the thing because you feel you need someone to hang on to.. which is understandable, however please be and live what you're going through independently of this other man.. coz if you lose him too then you'll have to deal with too much at once.
There's nothing wrong with talking to him. You need a shoulder to lean on and it sounds like he understands. Just make it clear to him that you will need time after the divorce to let your heart heal. Good Luck and congratulations on getting up the nerve to get out of that marriage. ;)
I commend your effort to stand up against your abuser. Dont feel guilty he wont change. Just be very careful!! I too am a codependant personality and we tend to go and attract the same type of mates over and over. I would get professional help for yourself to make sure you dont jump into the same fire. Just stay friends with the other guy right now. Good luck and stay safe!!
If the two of you are just talking you have nothing to feel guilty about. You were going through a bad marriage. Your friend was there for emotional support; as good friends do. It's all good, as far as I can see.
Hey looks like you found a good guy. Don't feel guilty it's YOUR turn to be happy. Don't look back but look forward! Good luck.
Everyone needs someone to bare their soul to at times like this and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stop beating yourself up, girl! You are TALKING with someone, for heaven's sake. You are not doing anything wrong. Good for you that you are maintaining your values about getting through your divorce. Kick your loser husband to the curb, hold your head up and enjoy your renewed friendship with your high school friend. Watch your feelings, though, because you are not even close to being ready for a new significant relationship. Is it possible that you have fantasies about being rescued by this guy and THAT is the source of your guilt?
GUILT IS A USELESS EMOTION. what have you done wrong.Complicated divorce, need advice?
feeling guilty???
y do you feel guilty to a man you wanted to divorce.. if you want to divorce you have to be ready to move on and be alone again..
re this other man.. i think you're actually inflating the thing because you feel you need someone to hang on to.. which is understandable, however please be and live what you're going through independently of this other man.. coz if you lose him too then you'll have to deal with too much at once.
There's nothing wrong with talking to him. You need a shoulder to lean on and it sounds like he understands. Just make it clear to him that you will need time after the divorce to let your heart heal. Good Luck and congratulations on getting up the nerve to get out of that marriage. ;)
I commend your effort to stand up against your abuser. Dont feel guilty he wont change. Just be very careful!! I too am a codependant personality and we tend to go and attract the same type of mates over and over. I would get professional help for yourself to make sure you dont jump into the same fire. Just stay friends with the other guy right now. Good luck and stay safe!!
If the two of you are just talking you have nothing to feel guilty about. You were going through a bad marriage. Your friend was there for emotional support; as good friends do. It's all good, as far as I can see.
Hey looks like you found a good guy. Don't feel guilty it's YOUR turn to be happy. Don't look back but look forward! Good luck.
Everyone needs someone to bare their soul to at times like this and I see nothing wrong with it.
Stop beating yourself up, girl! You are TALKING with someone, for heaven's sake. You are not doing anything wrong. Good for you that you are maintaining your values about getting through your divorce. Kick your loser husband to the curb, hold your head up and enjoy your renewed friendship with your high school friend. Watch your feelings, though, because you are not even close to being ready for a new significant relationship. Is it possible that you have fantasies about being rescued by this guy and THAT is the source of your guilt?
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