Talking about divorce...need advice?

i have decided to tell my husband i am divorcing him tonight i am not happy %26amp; i'm tired of trying to pretend like i'm happy when i'm not i've been doing that for about 4 yrs now i do not want to hurt him i love him %26amp; i always will just not in love w/ him there r kids involved so i want it 2 be as civil as it can when its concerning them.. my husband likes to pretend everything is ok just so he doesnt have to deal w/ anything when it concerns us he's been know to throw a tempure tanturm when he doesnt get his way or things dont go toward his liking.. its so hard to even think about telling him much less do it i cant go on another day like this im so scared as to whats going to happen when i tell him because he's so unpredictable


its been 12 yrs now %26amp; i just dont see myself next to him 30 yrs from now in that rocking chair anymore .... so please any advice would helpTalking about divorce...need advice?
You talk alot about how you've tried to make it work, has he tried too? Is he aware that you feel this strong about ending your marriage or is he aware that things have gotten so bad? You should make him aware and give him one last chance to work with you, via marriage counselling or whatever means to make the marriage work, if not then be clear and confident in what you say and get the ball rolling asap and keep things clear cut. Good luckTalking about divorce...need advice?
Why are you jumping on the divorce train? You should be discussing your thoughts and feelings. You say that you still love him, if that were true you wouldn't want a divorce you would do whatever it takes to make it work the way its supposed to.





Start by dating again, go out to dinners a walk on the beach. Do things together, but don't just walk away from a 12 year marriage because your not happy. Make yourself happy again, make your husband happy again. Divorce will not make you happy!!
Divorce seems pretty drastic considering you are just not happy and are tired. You make it sound like this will be a huge surprise to him. That probably means you have not talked to him at all about how you feel. Why don't you start there instead of jumping into a divorce, that with kids, will be definitely messy.
If this is what you want, then do it. But first find a place for you and your children before you telling him, you have waiting 4 years now I'm sure you can wait a couple of month until you find a nice safe place for you guys. DON'T MOVE IN WITH FAMILY UNLESS YOU CAN'T TAKE STAYING WITH HIM ANYMORE.... Life is to short to be unhappy live your life enjoy it.. Remember we only live once.......
STOP right there! Contact a clergyman and have him interveen on your familys behave. The minister may be able to talk with your husband %26amp; you. While I see your husband needing individual therapy, I think you both need marriage counseling. Good luck.
You already hae made your decison and that's the first step, now it is time to walk threw that door. Don't be talked out of it. if you do u will be on here again asking how u were talked into staying.


Stick to ur guns.
Just talk about it like you did here. Remain calm and reasonable and be prepared for an outburst. It sounds like you know what you want so go to it!
Talking, sounds like you made your mind up.
Your real name wouldnt happen to be ***** would it? Man if it is this is so wrong to find out this way? C'mon babe we can make it work! I'm sorry for what ever I did! please dont go!


Wow I really wonder........
Sometimes things just get off track. If you love him get it back on
I got divorced from a guy who was the same way. Didn't want to address any issues we were having, looked the other way hoping it would just go away, etc. Luckily we didn't have children.





Here is the advice I have, after getting a divorce and seeing what it did to both of our families and him, and now being remarried with a 2year old:





Because you have children with this man, I would try every possible option available to you to try to make it work.


I would take it DAY BY DAY, quit looking toward the future. Focus on the issues in the now, don't do the ';I can't imagine being married to him in the future'; it doesn't help matters. This sounds like a total lack of communication - been there, done that and it is not easy to get past, but you can do it.





I would sit him down and tell him that either you two start marriage counseling to learn how to talk to each other so you can address issues, or that you will start divorce proceedings. Tell him you want to be with him and you love him and your children but that you are feeling stiffled beause nothing gets solved, just swept under the rug and too much animosity has built up. You can't live this way anymore and you want to get help, but if he doesn't do it then you know that you weren't meant to last and you should go your separate ways.





You don't want to sound confrontational. No matter what he does, keep calm and tell him over and over that you want to try to make it work, but you need him to want to try too. He sounds like he is so unpredictable because there is no communication between you two and he doesn't know how to deal when you come to him with a problem, he feels threatened even though you may not mean him to feel that way.





Barring that, if he refuses, then divorce is @ss and move on.
My only caution would be to have a plan of action. You can't just say ';I'm leaving you, pass the potatoes';,. I mean, are you planning to leave the house or do you want him to leave? There are children, who gets them?





All I'm saying is, think this through and plan it out. Things will go better (especially if you don't expect to live in the same house for awhile).





Good luck.
Well first off I have to say that divorce is the final and last straw in a relationship...Have you considered counseling or talking to your minister? I think people today really divorce to quickly and think that that is the answer to marital problems. You loved him enough to say I do can't you love him enough to see if there is a chance for a resolution. I wonder if it not just about being unhappy or out of love as it may be the fact that you have your eye on someone else and making your marriage look bad or seem hopeless can be an excuse to feel less guilty about the feelings you are having for this other person.. If this the case I hope you consider the children and the fact that you have been in a relationship with this man for several years...taking that into consideration he deserves your respect and honesty. I hope you seek counseling before making such a hasty decision. Maybe in counseling the areas in your marriage that are lacking that you miss or long for may be made obvious to him and it may rekindle the flame and make you see that you just needed him to understand you and your needs. Good luck and think this through thoroughly before doing anything drastic
If you have tried to work out the problems and he just doesn't want to improve, you deserve to have a happier life for yourself. Marriage takes two and when an abuser or depressed person is not willing to work, he doesn't deserve to make his family miserable just because he refuses to help himself.


I was once married to a man with anger and control issues similar to the ones you describe. He got much worse when I tried to leave which I found out was very typical of abusive men.





It might be useful to contact your local Women's Shelter because they have people trained to deal with these types of scenarios. They have counselors who will help you work through problems and you do not have to leave your guy once you know new perspectives on fixing problems.





Also, the Womens Shelter can help you and your children with all sorts of resources if you need to leave, even if only for a little while.





People may try to tell you to stay and put up with it, no one knows what abuse is like until they have experienced it.





Good luck and take care of yourself because your little kids depend on your well-being!!
Very hard but sorry no simple way to deal with it. I would suggest you need to sit down and talk through all the problems you have and then lead this into I don't think our marriage is going to last as I cant carry on like this. Try to keep the talking civil as well, it is to easy to start an argument, try not to let it get that way. When you start this talk make it clear that this is a try and sort it out as a last chance for both of you. If things are that bad, you will ot be able to resolve the issues but at least it does not come over as I want a divorce. Also use what you said above that you do love him but not in love with him and ask how he feels ask if he thinks he is still in love with you and if so why does he not talk more about the problems you have.





I would rather say I hope you resolve things and stay together but reading your questions I think you have made up your mind but please do keep an open mind and stay calm, do not say anything you may regret later.
The only advice I can give you is to really think about this, divorce, like marriage, is a big step, and it is something you really have to want to do, with your whole heart and mind, just like when you got married, you felt like it was right then, you have to feel what you want to do now is right also.





There are children involved this time, they will be affected, it is not like it is just you and your husband, have you thought how and what you are going to do to help your children through this??





You and your husband have to talk about how you are going to help the children deal with this, they are going to have so many issues and think that it is their fault and that they did something wrong to make you guys get a divorce, and it is your job as parents to reassure the children that it is not that way at all, it is just that mommie does not love daddy anymore.





How and when you tell your husband is up to you, but you are not going to get an easy reaction out of him, expect the worst reaction, that is what you are going to get, and if things get out of hand, make sure you have a place to stay.





It is really hard when the other spouse has no idea what he or she is in for when they come home from work.





I hope you thought this through and are confident in how and what you are going to tell the children and your husband, because from what I see here, is that your children have no idea at all what is going to go down tonight, and they are going to hit the wall!!!!!!
Well dear I don't have experience in a divorce, but my sister is actually going through one right now ( not her fault) and I see her suffering and my nephews more because of their father who makes things so difficult and has to have everything his way. So It kinda reminds me of my sisters X how he has temper tantrums ect, so all I can tell you is make it peaceful and try to come to some sort of an agreement to be civil with each other for the kids sake because they shouldn't have to suffer for their parents misunderstandings ya know. And it may seem hard to come to some agreements with him if he is that way, but all you can do is try and make the best of things for your kids. And also for you, if you aren't happy and you probally tried about everything with him, then maybe it is best you move on. You will be bonded together forever since you have kids ,so just let him down as gently as you can and let him know you love him and always will but you don't see this working out in the long run since you don't see eye to eye anymore. Let him know you will make things work for him and the kids and want things in peace for them ya know. You never know maybe he will understand. And def take care of yourself since he is so unpredictable, make sure when you tell him when you are by yourselves and the kids are at grandmas or school because you don't want the kids to hear nothing let alone him go crazy or something. ( God forbid) And when you do tell them about your seperation, do it together so they can see you guys are okay with each other and are nice to one another as friends and won't be to hurt or upset ya know. I hope he understands and sees that things aren't working out because maybe he feels the same way ya know and it could workout fine, so I will pray for you that things go well and your children will be okay as well. Take care and God bless!