i need women who are divorced to answer my Q
ive been married for over 10 years,got 3 kids,i never really had a job,been home mom all this time
i want a divorce,but im scared i wont make it on my own,hubby's been the only bread winner all this time,we bought a house ,will he get the house and would i be able to keep it since im gonna have the kids
how do i get back to work,ive got no qualifications,cause i got married very young and at the time being a stay home mom i didnt think it was a bad idea,but now i see it was a huge mistake
if any woman that has gone through this before can give me some advice it would be very appreciated...thank uCan anybody give me some advice about divorce,please?
Im not a female so I apologize but I may be able to help you here. There are womens help groups out here that can helpyou. You will be awarded custody of the kids with child support and possible spousal support too. Now since the Judges dont like the kids to be on the street you will get the house too. A womans help group may may be able to help you get the training you need to land a good job especially in nursing and its huge demand. Now being scared is normal as this is change and change is scary but you need to know that youre not alone out here and helpis only an asking away. If I can be of any more help my email address is thunder_wright@yahoo.com so please feel free to email me and Ill try to help.. Good luckCan anybody give me some advice about divorce,please?
Since I don't know where you live, I don't know what type of services your community has. There are places where a woman can go to get education, and career counseling. You should get 1/2 the home's worth, and child support. I am not sure about the alimony. Please see your attorney and get some additional info from him/her.
It depends what state you live in. Try to talking to a lawyer, Before divorce you can go to school and get a trade, and then get a job and save your money then leave I hope this is an abuse situation if it is go to the police station and dam the house. you will get real fast
Divorce is horrible but i would only do what i right for you and your kids.
It's a reasonable and valid fear. You don't state your grounds. I divorced an alcoholic/ addict when my son was in diapers. He's 12. Divorce can leave a man very bitter and he might become a crappy father, so be careful how you leave, if you can. With some of them, there's nothing you can do.
I'm an attorney and we have struggled financially the entire time, but I was in school when he left, got stuck with a ton of debt and made a decision to run my practice mostly from home to be here with my son.
Factor in the finances, because it's real.
Get a job now and start getting your own financial future in order just as soon as you can. Or, work the marriage out if you can because it will ultimately be cheaper in the long run.
Mary in Camden, MI
NOTE~
happy above is not exactly correct, you will not get ';half of the homes worth'; as she says but half of the equity. So if the home is valued at 100k and you owe 90k, there would be 10k in equity and you'd be entitled to half of that which would equal 5k. BUt keep one thing in mind, property values have dropped so you may actually be upside down in the house right now.
I'm so sick of hearing this. Too many women come on here saying that they want a divorce, but they are affraid that they won't be able to make it because they don't have a job so they want to know if the husband will have to support them even after divorce.
How about being a woman and getting a JOB? Why do you need to depend on him or any man for any reason at all? It's women like you that give other women a bad image. Get your fat bon bon eating butt off the couch and get a job! That's how you can make it.
let him have everything but kids. you can move into a low income housing and go to school, you will get more with the state, if i could divorce my x again i would have givin him everything and i would have started completely over.in the area that i live in they wil even help you buy a house. go back to school and further your education. you will be just fine.it's hard and a scarey thing to be on your own but alot of women have done it and been just fine. you will to.
its never to late to do anything hun i ain't a women but my wife did it with 2 infants if hes a true man he will help ya out and be there for the kids and help ya financially because it will be whats best for the kids he loves them i bet an wants them an you to be happy you can allways find some job somewhere if he does get the house apartments an lofts can be found it will be hard at first but you sound like a strong will woman and i wish ya the best of luck granted i am a man but i really do mean it
Friday, April 30, 2010
How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
my parents are getting a divorce. my mum is with some other guy who was meant to be my future uncle. i have to pretend that i am happy for them so that i don't cause an arguement. i feel that i am to blame for my parents splitting up. what can i do to stop me blaming myself? how do i cope with the divorce? i have to explain to my brothers and sisters what is happening because they are too young to understand. one of my sisters is 13 but she is happy with them being together so i cant talk to her. who can i talk to?How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
I am sorry you have to go through this. You should, first and foremost, understand that your parents aren't divorcing you. I know this doesn't always help but, they both love you.
I figure you are between the age of 14 and 17 and so I realize that it has to be hardest on you and I am surprised that your parents didn't keep you children as much as possible out of the story behind the divorce. You need to sit down with your parents one on one and explain to them how you feel. Don't let them start brow beating each other but, simply have them tell you the reasons behind the divorce. I am sure that you are not one of them. Good luck.
It's the parents who get divorced but, usually it's the children who suffer the most.How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
its NEVER your fault if your parents divorce. i had a friend when i was younger and her parents divorced and she went to divorce counesling and it helped her with it. good luck
REMEMBER! Your parent's divorce is NOT YOUR FAULT!
THEY CAN'T get along together anymore.I'm SURE they both love you alot still.
Its not your fault your parents are getting divorced.. They will continue to love you and your siblings regardless of what happens.. As far as explaining to your siblings what is happening.. maybe tell your parents how you are feeling and ask for a ';family conference';
You are not to blame. Are you to blame if your dad is laid off from his job? Are you to blame if your mom gets a speeding ticket? Trust me, you're not to blame about this either.
You cannot control what your parents are doing(divorce) and you are definitely not the cause of divorce. Don't let anybody make you feel including yourself that you are the blame. For you this is a very intense situation because you feel this is not right-your family changing the way it is. Your parents are the people that need to explain to your siblings why/what is going on that is not your burden. If they don't, they are being selfish by passing the buck on to you.
Remember you cannot control how the fact of the divorce and the who and what of this situation but you can control how you react to this. You need to accept the fact that there is going to be change (which is stressful) but learn how to go with the flow.
Even if your parents made the statement to you ';you are the reason we are getting divorced '; it is B.S. The reason they are getting divorced has to do with themselves not you.
i don't think it necessary for you to act happy. you should be allowed to just be neutral. i mean you still have a dad right. now you have a stepdad. also. perhaps your mama has just been unhappy for so long that she can't believe her luck. time will tell if she made a good choice. giving or not giving your approval won't change the future. nothing you did in the past caused the divorce. believe me kids just do not know all the inner workings between parents. alot goes on behind closed doors that children are not aware of. and you certainly are not responsible. you are a child. your two parents are both adults.
Why would you even think that you are someone to blame for your parents divorce? It can't be possible.
It is so sad that they are getting a divorce, but what was it like when they were together. Were they unhappy? If so, I'm sure it affected you and your brothers and sisters. Was it a miserable atmosphere? Did they always fight?
If they were unhappy, then try to look on the bright side. Is your mother happy now? Is your father happy now? You could still enjoy both parents. You should also be able to tell them how you feel and how it's affecting you without an argument.
No matter what, that was their own personal problem and if they fell out of love, then they made the right decision. It could never be something to blame on you.
Now get your self respect, pride and value and stay close to both parents and your brothers and sisters. You sound like the intelligent one that could make everyone's life better. I wish you all the luck. God Bless
You are not to blame for your parents splitting up. You can talk to your parents about your feelings, why you think you are to blame and how you can't explain to your younger bothers and sisters what is happening because you yourself don't understand.
Just by reading your question I can tell your a very caring person and will become a stronger person.
I am sorry you have to go through this. You should, first and foremost, understand that your parents aren't divorcing you. I know this doesn't always help but, they both love you.
I figure you are between the age of 14 and 17 and so I realize that it has to be hardest on you and I am surprised that your parents didn't keep you children as much as possible out of the story behind the divorce. You need to sit down with your parents one on one and explain to them how you feel. Don't let them start brow beating each other but, simply have them tell you the reasons behind the divorce. I am sure that you are not one of them. Good luck.
It's the parents who get divorced but, usually it's the children who suffer the most.How do you cope with your parents divorce? HELP and advice plz.?
its NEVER your fault if your parents divorce. i had a friend when i was younger and her parents divorced and she went to divorce counesling and it helped her with it. good luck
REMEMBER! Your parent's divorce is NOT YOUR FAULT!
THEY CAN'T get along together anymore.I'm SURE they both love you alot still.
Its not your fault your parents are getting divorced.. They will continue to love you and your siblings regardless of what happens.. As far as explaining to your siblings what is happening.. maybe tell your parents how you are feeling and ask for a ';family conference';
You are not to blame. Are you to blame if your dad is laid off from his job? Are you to blame if your mom gets a speeding ticket? Trust me, you're not to blame about this either.
You cannot control what your parents are doing(divorce) and you are definitely not the cause of divorce. Don't let anybody make you feel including yourself that you are the blame. For you this is a very intense situation because you feel this is not right-your family changing the way it is. Your parents are the people that need to explain to your siblings why/what is going on that is not your burden. If they don't, they are being selfish by passing the buck on to you.
Remember you cannot control how the fact of the divorce and the who and what of this situation but you can control how you react to this. You need to accept the fact that there is going to be change (which is stressful) but learn how to go with the flow.
Even if your parents made the statement to you ';you are the reason we are getting divorced '; it is B.S. The reason they are getting divorced has to do with themselves not you.
i don't think it necessary for you to act happy. you should be allowed to just be neutral. i mean you still have a dad right. now you have a stepdad. also. perhaps your mama has just been unhappy for so long that she can't believe her luck. time will tell if she made a good choice. giving or not giving your approval won't change the future. nothing you did in the past caused the divorce. believe me kids just do not know all the inner workings between parents. alot goes on behind closed doors that children are not aware of. and you certainly are not responsible. you are a child. your two parents are both adults.
Why would you even think that you are someone to blame for your parents divorce? It can't be possible.
It is so sad that they are getting a divorce, but what was it like when they were together. Were they unhappy? If so, I'm sure it affected you and your brothers and sisters. Was it a miserable atmosphere? Did they always fight?
If they were unhappy, then try to look on the bright side. Is your mother happy now? Is your father happy now? You could still enjoy both parents. You should also be able to tell them how you feel and how it's affecting you without an argument.
No matter what, that was their own personal problem and if they fell out of love, then they made the right decision. It could never be something to blame on you.
Now get your self respect, pride and value and stay close to both parents and your brothers and sisters. You sound like the intelligent one that could make everyone's life better. I wish you all the luck. God Bless
You are not to blame for your parents splitting up. You can talk to your parents about your feelings, why you think you are to blame and how you can't explain to your younger bothers and sisters what is happening because you yourself don't understand.
Just by reading your question I can tell your a very caring person and will become a stronger person.
Divorce sucks.any advice?
well my parents are getting divorced. but they are already seperated. but my mom is in texas and im in north carolina. and im living with my dad. im not sure who to pick to live with. i feel like im being ripped in
two. if i move to texas then i will be loosing half of my friends. and if i stay here then i will.get to see my mom in the summer and at christmas and stuff. but all my moms family is in texas. but i feel like my mom is being selfish. i dont wanna live in texas. and i think im staying here. cause i have liveed here my whole life. just tell me what you would do please? thank you so much.Divorce sucks.any advice?
Thanks for answering my question about Tattoos. I've been divorced for 8 years now. When the Ex and I decided to get divorced, the first thing we agreed on was that our son came first. We agreed that we would Never use him to get back at one another. Unfortunately that is what a lot of parents do and they don't even realize it. Be sure to tell both of your parents about this and have them agree to each other not to do this. Also, my Ex and I went through some counseling while we were separated so we could learn how to talk to each other without being hurtful. It has helped a lot and we are now very good friends.
Talk to your parents and let them know how you feel about this divorce and how it has effected your life. Tell them what you want and hopefully they will put you and your needs before their own.Divorce sucks.any advice?
You wrote that your Mom's family is in Texas, so that is why she probably needed to settle there. That is, maybe she needed family to help her get on her feet or her career is in Texas, etc. Thank goodness you are not loosing either parent and you get to see both often. Do what feels comfortable to you. If you change your mind down the road you still have a ';home'; to go to.
Not all decisions need to be made right now. I moved from Michigan to North Carolina in November. My daughter completed her junior year in Michigan and decided to move to NC this summer and finish school down here. I did not push for this. My family is in NC. My ex husbands family is in MI. I thought my daughter was staying in MI. She changed her mind.
Make the choice that is best for you. Take your time.
I am sorry to tell you this but it seems like your mom has picked her family over you.Why did she move so far away anyways?Doesn't she miss you,doesn't she want to be close to you?Ask you mom to move close to you.I would never leave my kids.I don't care about the rest.If i don't see them one day,my heart aches.sorry,just being honest here.
If you think divorce sucks when you are an affected child,
You ought to try living through it as a parent.
You have to think about what is best for your children, even if it rips you apart inside.
Sorry I can't help you. Yes Divorce Sucks.
I hope it gets better for you
Good luck
Go where you think you'll be happy. My parents split when I was 12 and it was so strange for me. They didn't move far apart but things get easier. Good luck and god bless
stay wherever you feel like, and visit them time to time, it's all cool- do whatever you like
while i can not tell you where to live, one thing i have to say is that while your mum may seem like she is being selfish, you should not judge her too harshly on it. when your mum gave birth to you, she gave up a big part of her life and who she is. if she has been living in an unhappy marriage for a while, then she has been giving up a lot just to try to keep you and your family together. i know that you just think of her as your mum, but she is a person to, and needs love and growth and all the things that people want from life. if she can get them in texas, then don't be angry at her. she might need and want her family around when she is going through this hard time.
the situation is not ideal, but don't be too angry at either of your parents. they are people too, just like you, and neither of them have all the answers. they both will make mistakes and sometimes will want to put their desires first too. but it will never mean they love you any less - just that they need something else out of life as well.
i hope that makes sense. good luck. it can be a hard time, but i am sure your friends will stay in touch no matter what you decide to do.rosacea treatment
two. if i move to texas then i will be loosing half of my friends. and if i stay here then i will.get to see my mom in the summer and at christmas and stuff. but all my moms family is in texas. but i feel like my mom is being selfish. i dont wanna live in texas. and i think im staying here. cause i have liveed here my whole life. just tell me what you would do please? thank you so much.Divorce sucks.any advice?
Thanks for answering my question about Tattoos. I've been divorced for 8 years now. When the Ex and I decided to get divorced, the first thing we agreed on was that our son came first. We agreed that we would Never use him to get back at one another. Unfortunately that is what a lot of parents do and they don't even realize it. Be sure to tell both of your parents about this and have them agree to each other not to do this. Also, my Ex and I went through some counseling while we were separated so we could learn how to talk to each other without being hurtful. It has helped a lot and we are now very good friends.
Talk to your parents and let them know how you feel about this divorce and how it has effected your life. Tell them what you want and hopefully they will put you and your needs before their own.Divorce sucks.any advice?
You wrote that your Mom's family is in Texas, so that is why she probably needed to settle there. That is, maybe she needed family to help her get on her feet or her career is in Texas, etc. Thank goodness you are not loosing either parent and you get to see both often. Do what feels comfortable to you. If you change your mind down the road you still have a ';home'; to go to.
Not all decisions need to be made right now. I moved from Michigan to North Carolina in November. My daughter completed her junior year in Michigan and decided to move to NC this summer and finish school down here. I did not push for this. My family is in NC. My ex husbands family is in MI. I thought my daughter was staying in MI. She changed her mind.
Make the choice that is best for you. Take your time.
I am sorry to tell you this but it seems like your mom has picked her family over you.Why did she move so far away anyways?Doesn't she miss you,doesn't she want to be close to you?Ask you mom to move close to you.I would never leave my kids.I don't care about the rest.If i don't see them one day,my heart aches.sorry,just being honest here.
If you think divorce sucks when you are an affected child,
You ought to try living through it as a parent.
You have to think about what is best for your children, even if it rips you apart inside.
Sorry I can't help you. Yes Divorce Sucks.
I hope it gets better for you
Good luck
Go where you think you'll be happy. My parents split when I was 12 and it was so strange for me. They didn't move far apart but things get easier. Good luck and god bless
stay wherever you feel like, and visit them time to time, it's all cool- do whatever you like
while i can not tell you where to live, one thing i have to say is that while your mum may seem like she is being selfish, you should not judge her too harshly on it. when your mum gave birth to you, she gave up a big part of her life and who she is. if she has been living in an unhappy marriage for a while, then she has been giving up a lot just to try to keep you and your family together. i know that you just think of her as your mum, but she is a person to, and needs love and growth and all the things that people want from life. if she can get them in texas, then don't be angry at her. she might need and want her family around when she is going through this hard time.
the situation is not ideal, but don't be too angry at either of your parents. they are people too, just like you, and neither of them have all the answers. they both will make mistakes and sometimes will want to put their desires first too. but it will never mean they love you any less - just that they need something else out of life as well.
i hope that makes sense. good luck. it can be a hard time, but i am sure your friends will stay in touch no matter what you decide to do.
Does anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
I'm worried that my husband will not leave our house and I will have to. I would have been gone weeks ago but I run a daycare from our home. If I leave I'm afraid I will not get custody because I will not have an income, and will be living with my mother and sharing a room with my two year old.
However I am his primary care provider. I am home with him all day. I care for him in the evenings. I bath him, feed him, take him to appointments, do his laundry, grocery shopping, ect.
My ';husband'; decided to get a second job, even though our income was fine. I believe he may have taken this job to get away from me, or to look better in court with a huge income. He makes a little more than doubble what I make and if I pack up and leave will I still stand a chance of getting custody without a home or job?
I will not loose my son but I will not stay with this beast. Unfortunately I can't prove him to be a bad father, he does not do drugs, does not smoke... however he also does not care about our child. As I said he works all the time and even when he's home I have to take our son with me to go shopping or to the library to do homework (i'm a full time student). He belittles me and treats me like crap, even in front of our son and my daycare kids. Call me names, curses, throws things.
I can not live with him anymore, anyone have advice on ensuring custody?
(I'm also pregnant, not sure if that matters)Does anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
good thing he has second job he'll need it to pay the child support. if you own the home it will have to be sold and profits split 50/50 or you get to stay there and split mortgage paymentsDoes anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
You don't ever leave your home.
He has to leave not you. This is your home and this is where you raise your family and have a business.
If he doesn't want to leave - limit him to where he can go in the house - make it miserable for him.
He calls you names, curses and throws things so you let him impregnate you again. What were you thinking? It's likely that you will retain physical custody, but that he will be granted liberal visitation. If you breastfeed the baby, visitation would be delayed due to that (only of the baby).
Abusive men often threaten to take the kids as a means of control. Don't let him scare you.
Call 800.799.SAFE for some local domestic violence resources.
However I am his primary care provider. I am home with him all day. I care for him in the evenings. I bath him, feed him, take him to appointments, do his laundry, grocery shopping, ect.
My ';husband'; decided to get a second job, even though our income was fine. I believe he may have taken this job to get away from me, or to look better in court with a huge income. He makes a little more than doubble what I make and if I pack up and leave will I still stand a chance of getting custody without a home or job?
I will not loose my son but I will not stay with this beast. Unfortunately I can't prove him to be a bad father, he does not do drugs, does not smoke... however he also does not care about our child. As I said he works all the time and even when he's home I have to take our son with me to go shopping or to the library to do homework (i'm a full time student). He belittles me and treats me like crap, even in front of our son and my daycare kids. Call me names, curses, throws things.
I can not live with him anymore, anyone have advice on ensuring custody?
(I'm also pregnant, not sure if that matters)Does anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
good thing he has second job he'll need it to pay the child support. if you own the home it will have to be sold and profits split 50/50 or you get to stay there and split mortgage paymentsDoes anyone have advice on divorce and custody in Nebraska?
You don't ever leave your home.
He has to leave not you. This is your home and this is where you raise your family and have a business.
If he doesn't want to leave - limit him to where he can go in the house - make it miserable for him.
He calls you names, curses and throws things so you let him impregnate you again. What were you thinking? It's likely that you will retain physical custody, but that he will be granted liberal visitation. If you breastfeed the baby, visitation would be delayed due to that (only of the baby).
Abusive men often threaten to take the kids as a means of control. Don't let him scare you.
Call 800.799.SAFE for some local domestic violence resources.
I need some advice about divorce!!!?
I have been married for 4 years and my husband has previously cheated on me with his ex 3 times, one of those producing a child who is the same age as one of my own little one's.
I took him back and he said he would change, but low and behold 6 months on he is going out and staying out all night appearing at 6, 4, 1, 2 o'clock in the morning with an excuse that he has been with a mate.
This morning he rolled in at 6.30 after going on a business meeting last night with his boss. He promised he would be in by 8pm. He came in covered in blood and looked like he had a broken hand.
I told him to leave and I never want to see him again until he has grown up and stops hanging around with a load of 19 year old kids (we are 26)
It hasn't sunk in yet, but I need some helpful tips and advice to get over the next few weeks. I am totally heartbroken because when I said my vows I actually meant them! I am studying part-time to get a degree, have a full-time job and 4 children to look after.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Rally in the troops: your mom, your girlfriends, your sister, your brother, or anyone else in your support system.
Buy a lot of ice cream.
Rent some comedies.
Make dinner plans with friends and family.
Make weekend plans with friends and family.
Pour yourself into being SuperMom.
Get on Y/A and answer lots of questions.
Get a good lawyer.
Get a massage.
Get a pedi and a mani.
Treat yourself to a new outfit.
Most important: Realize he is doing you a favor. Pretty soon you will be free to find someone who respects you and would much rather be at home with you than out catting around.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Here's some much needed advice:
WORK THINGS OUT..
dont just leave..
marriage isnt easy, not this, not any other..
you need to be supportive..
Dont expect everything to be absolutely perfect like a fairytale marriage..
Those are stuff that you see on TV..
I know you can work things out.. please give it a try..
a divorce is just going to make things worse, trust me..
remember, nobody's perfect..
If he wants to act single then maybe he needs to be.
He does need to grow up! Divorce is not an easy thing either.
Work on you and the kids.
why on earth aren't you calling the cops??? covered in BLOOD?? Come on........that's very serious.
shock him, file for divorce
He comes in injured and bleeding, and instead of trying to help him you want a divorce? What's wrong with you?
I took him back and he said he would change, but low and behold 6 months on he is going out and staying out all night appearing at 6, 4, 1, 2 o'clock in the morning with an excuse that he has been with a mate.
This morning he rolled in at 6.30 after going on a business meeting last night with his boss. He promised he would be in by 8pm. He came in covered in blood and looked like he had a broken hand.
I told him to leave and I never want to see him again until he has grown up and stops hanging around with a load of 19 year old kids (we are 26)
It hasn't sunk in yet, but I need some helpful tips and advice to get over the next few weeks. I am totally heartbroken because when I said my vows I actually meant them! I am studying part-time to get a degree, have a full-time job and 4 children to look after.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Rally in the troops: your mom, your girlfriends, your sister, your brother, or anyone else in your support system.
Buy a lot of ice cream.
Rent some comedies.
Make dinner plans with friends and family.
Make weekend plans with friends and family.
Pour yourself into being SuperMom.
Get on Y/A and answer lots of questions.
Get a good lawyer.
Get a massage.
Get a pedi and a mani.
Treat yourself to a new outfit.
Most important: Realize he is doing you a favor. Pretty soon you will be free to find someone who respects you and would much rather be at home with you than out catting around.I need some advice about divorce!!!?
Here's some much needed advice:
WORK THINGS OUT..
dont just leave..
marriage isnt easy, not this, not any other..
you need to be supportive..
Dont expect everything to be absolutely perfect like a fairytale marriage..
Those are stuff that you see on TV..
I know you can work things out.. please give it a try..
a divorce is just going to make things worse, trust me..
remember, nobody's perfect..
If he wants to act single then maybe he needs to be.
He does need to grow up! Divorce is not an easy thing either.
Work on you and the kids.
why on earth aren't you calling the cops??? covered in BLOOD?? Come on........that's very serious.
shock him, file for divorce
He comes in injured and bleeding, and instead of trying to help him you want a divorce? What's wrong with you?
I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
ok well we have been together for about 3 yrs married for 1 and have an 11 month old baby. Ever since we got together he had a problem with drinking. Not bad. now he got worse, when his friends come over they find an excuse to leave and end up coming home at 4 5 6 in the morning drunk and with no more money. I have just had about enough. I am not happy like this. I know I deserve better I take really good care of our daughter i cook i clean i wash. I'm just so scared of divorce, but I can't stand living with someone who keeps putting me through all those sleepless nights. Please give me some advice.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
You and the child deserve better. Tell him the two of you need to get into couples counseling immediately, or he'll need to get a lawyer because divorce is the other option.
Not only is that situation not healthy for you (mentally or emotionally) but it's not a happy environment to raise a child in either. He needs to learn where his priorities should be...or he can send you a child support check each month.
Best wishes he pulls his head out of his azz before you two have to leave to find a better life.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
Have you tried talking to your husband about it? It's a tough situation when you two have a kid together and a divorce comes in mind but what has to be done has to be done.
The best I can give you is to sit down and talk to him and see his response and how he's going to react. If it keeps up, then probably consider that divorce.
Thats tough. You need to think about your daughter right now. Is she safe in the household? I believe heavily in marriage but your daughter has to be safe, he needs to seek help. Ask him to. Tell him your thinking about leaving, and say he is hurting his daughter and your marriage with his actions. If he truly cares he will stop. I'm sure his daughter means a lot to him. If not then whats the use? Follow your motherly instinct. Good luck!
You need Al-Anon, for you, very desperately. Look online for a group near you, and please give it a chance.
Don't expect that he is going to change, however. All you can control is you and your actions - and since he was drinking from the start (why did you marry him and have a kid when you knew he was a drinker?) it is exceedingly unlikely he will change. And you are messing up not just your life, but your baby's as well.
I know divorce sounds horrible but at the same time, he is not being responsible. If you don't put your foot down and threaten to leave, then he'll never change. If your not happy, then neither will your child be. What kind of example is he setting for the baby? It sounds like he needs to join AA.
Do you want to raise your children with a drunk? If not, time to move on.
Ask him to go to AA meetings, or get consoling, or you might have to part ways
i think u should dump the dood!,take your bby w/ you and get a divorce
6 months ago you asked the same...6 months from now you will ask again...just leave him now and move on....stop wasting your time and our time....
I presume you're young and he's still partying; don't give up. A key thing is he is going out and drinking with friends; he has more issues with responsibility than with alcoholism.
Many young couples just don't know how to handle the changes and responsibilities of new parenthood while also maintaining their relationship. As a new mother you see him failing as a father. As a new father he sees you failing as a wife.
You can read about half of the book in the source online with a bn account. It's marriage-counseling written down.
You are the one that wants change so the onus of change in on you.
Don't do ';nothing'; and expect things to get better.
Go read all about the divorces laws in your state and read about the custody laws. In your situation you are basically guaranteed custody. If you have a home and you have a decent lawyer you will be able to buy him out (since you will have custody.)
Then read about the child-support laws; you'll get roughly 25% of his check for one child.
It should help reduce some anxiety about it once you have a decent idea how it will all shake out should it come to that.
If you do divorce, you will have to do everything yourself.
Objectively, anything he does now makes you life better.
';50/50'; marriages end. It is not practical and creates a sentiment of expectation they will ';pull their weight';. That means you *take for granted* the 50% (or however much) they do instead of appreciating what they contribute.
Many young fathers respond with denial and distancing as their sexy girlfriends are suddenly mothers and completely occupied with the baby.
It's not ';fair'; but the reality is you have to rope him back into the relationship and if you take a 'baby comes first' attitude towards everything then the marriage is going to end.
Once you accept divorce as a final outcome you need to have a serious conversation with your husband.
Tell him you don't want a divorce and you are willing to work on your marriage but he has to be willing to work on it as well and that means changing the way he spends his time. Commit six-months to a year working to make things better. Set-backs and false-starts happen; keep at it.
If he refuses then it's time for divorce.
Negotiate for change.
Love is an action verb - a choice; if you actively love each the feelings follow.
Every major religion in the world says the marriage comes first.
Food for thought.
First the person that said get him to eat bread is a dork. That is a MYTH!! it doesnt help only time can sober you up. But to answer the question if he doesnt get the help he needs you should leave and still support him in rehab when he choses to take it because your daughter needs to know her daddy if he is a daddy and not just someone who fathered a child. Make you and your daughter's life stable that is all you can do. What he does is out of your hands..
These are not your only 2 options. Generally, people need to hit ROCK bottom before giving up drinking, but it's not an overnight process. You need to attend some AA meetings for spouses %26amp; get some good info %26amp; support.
You also need to leave or separate yourself from him - either he moves out or you do. No need to divorce just yet - but you cannot be subject to this %26amp; more importantly - neither should your daughter.
On another note, if you got together with him even when you KNEW he had a drinking problem, you should get some therapy yourself to find out why you settled for this kind of life. Otherwise your daughter will make the same poor choice you did instead of finding a real healthy loving relationship. Get out for her sake, go to AA %26amp; start there.
You shouldnt stay with someone that your not happy with. Think about yourself and your beautiful baby. My mother stayed with my father and he kept doing the same mean things over and over again when she forgave him each time. They are now divorced. She is happier now though and they were together for years. I had to go through their divorce when i got older ( 19 ) .. Three weeks ago this happened. But I went through them fighting and my dads problems I would have to see everyday. Dont leave it too late if your not happy do whats best for you and your child.
Good Luck.
He is married to his work and now he needs to realize if he wants kids , there is not too much time left but a good woman is what he needs to understand him ., Hes far more educated in the ways of this world and therefore ,maybe hes lost the reality of loving a partner and maybe this is all he needs . He needs to find someone who cherishes marriage and wants a lifetime together but most of all someone he trust . In His position this is #1 . I understand this.
I know how you feel, partially.
Try asking him the all or nothing question, ';You can choose, your beer, or your daughter?';
You should also tell him that it's fine to have a drink every now and then, but it's not good to get drunk constantly.
You should try talking him into getting the beers with low alcohol.
Maybe you can find some really great drinks that he might be interested in, like smoothies, or a certain pop.
And if he gets drunk, try to get him to eat as much bread as possible, because it absorbs the alcohol.
I have an alcoholic father. Not only does it add stress to the household, but it also creates a financial problem when then funds run low, his drinking gets worse and he starts to ';drink up'; money needed for bills and baby necessities. It is not good for your baby to have a father with an expensive addiction. Her needs are more important than alcohol.
If I were you, I would tell him that he needs to attend an AA meeting and admit that he has a problem. If he refuses to do this, then he is refusing to seek help and therefore his problem can (and will) get worse as the years go on. If he refuses to seek help, threaten to leave him. If that doesn't ';wake him up';, then leave him.
Well you don't want your baby growing up looking at a drunken father.
Sit down with him when he is sober and in attentive mood and tell him you are not happy with the way he is carrying on.
He is a husband/dad now and needs to be responsible.
Tell him you will leave if he keeps it up and follow through with your threat if he ignores you.
What he is doing is binge drinking and it will only get worse. If it continues leave for a while, go stay with family or a friend just to let him know you mean business. If that is not enough for him to change his ways then get out now.
You and the child deserve better. Tell him the two of you need to get into couples counseling immediately, or he'll need to get a lawyer because divorce is the other option.
Not only is that situation not healthy for you (mentally or emotionally) but it's not a happy environment to raise a child in either. He needs to learn where his priorities should be...or he can send you a child support check each month.
Best wishes he pulls his head out of his azz before you two have to leave to find a better life.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
Have you tried talking to your husband about it? It's a tough situation when you two have a kid together and a divorce comes in mind but what has to be done has to be done.
The best I can give you is to sit down and talk to him and see his response and how he's going to react. If it keeps up, then probably consider that divorce.
Thats tough. You need to think about your daughter right now. Is she safe in the household? I believe heavily in marriage but your daughter has to be safe, he needs to seek help. Ask him to. Tell him your thinking about leaving, and say he is hurting his daughter and your marriage with his actions. If he truly cares he will stop. I'm sure his daughter means a lot to him. If not then whats the use? Follow your motherly instinct. Good luck!
You need Al-Anon, for you, very desperately. Look online for a group near you, and please give it a chance.
Don't expect that he is going to change, however. All you can control is you and your actions - and since he was drinking from the start (why did you marry him and have a kid when you knew he was a drinker?) it is exceedingly unlikely he will change. And you are messing up not just your life, but your baby's as well.
I know divorce sounds horrible but at the same time, he is not being responsible. If you don't put your foot down and threaten to leave, then he'll never change. If your not happy, then neither will your child be. What kind of example is he setting for the baby? It sounds like he needs to join AA.
Do you want to raise your children with a drunk? If not, time to move on.
Ask him to go to AA meetings, or get consoling, or you might have to part ways
i think u should dump the dood!,take your bby w/ you and get a divorce
6 months ago you asked the same...6 months from now you will ask again...just leave him now and move on....stop wasting your time and our time....
I presume you're young and he's still partying; don't give up. A key thing is he is going out and drinking with friends; he has more issues with responsibility than with alcoholism.
Many young couples just don't know how to handle the changes and responsibilities of new parenthood while also maintaining their relationship. As a new mother you see him failing as a father. As a new father he sees you failing as a wife.
You can read about half of the book in the source online with a bn account. It's marriage-counseling written down.
You are the one that wants change so the onus of change in on you.
Don't do ';nothing'; and expect things to get better.
Go read all about the divorces laws in your state and read about the custody laws. In your situation you are basically guaranteed custody. If you have a home and you have a decent lawyer you will be able to buy him out (since you will have custody.)
Then read about the child-support laws; you'll get roughly 25% of his check for one child.
It should help reduce some anxiety about it once you have a decent idea how it will all shake out should it come to that.
If you do divorce, you will have to do everything yourself.
Objectively, anything he does now makes you life better.
';50/50'; marriages end. It is not practical and creates a sentiment of expectation they will ';pull their weight';. That means you *take for granted* the 50% (or however much) they do instead of appreciating what they contribute.
Many young fathers respond with denial and distancing as their sexy girlfriends are suddenly mothers and completely occupied with the baby.
It's not ';fair'; but the reality is you have to rope him back into the relationship and if you take a 'baby comes first' attitude towards everything then the marriage is going to end.
Once you accept divorce as a final outcome you need to have a serious conversation with your husband.
Tell him you don't want a divorce and you are willing to work on your marriage but he has to be willing to work on it as well and that means changing the way he spends his time. Commit six-months to a year working to make things better. Set-backs and false-starts happen; keep at it.
If he refuses then it's time for divorce.
Negotiate for change.
Love is an action verb - a choice; if you actively love each the feelings follow.
Every major religion in the world says the marriage comes first.
Food for thought.
First the person that said get him to eat bread is a dork. That is a MYTH!! it doesnt help only time can sober you up. But to answer the question if he doesnt get the help he needs you should leave and still support him in rehab when he choses to take it because your daughter needs to know her daddy if he is a daddy and not just someone who fathered a child. Make you and your daughter's life stable that is all you can do. What he does is out of your hands..
These are not your only 2 options. Generally, people need to hit ROCK bottom before giving up drinking, but it's not an overnight process. You need to attend some AA meetings for spouses %26amp; get some good info %26amp; support.
You also need to leave or separate yourself from him - either he moves out or you do. No need to divorce just yet - but you cannot be subject to this %26amp; more importantly - neither should your daughter.
On another note, if you got together with him even when you KNEW he had a drinking problem, you should get some therapy yourself to find out why you settled for this kind of life. Otherwise your daughter will make the same poor choice you did instead of finding a real healthy loving relationship. Get out for her sake, go to AA %26amp; start there.
You shouldnt stay with someone that your not happy with. Think about yourself and your beautiful baby. My mother stayed with my father and he kept doing the same mean things over and over again when she forgave him each time. They are now divorced. She is happier now though and they were together for years. I had to go through their divorce when i got older ( 19 ) .. Three weeks ago this happened. But I went through them fighting and my dads problems I would have to see everyday. Dont leave it too late if your not happy do whats best for you and your child.
Good Luck.
He is married to his work and now he needs to realize if he wants kids , there is not too much time left but a good woman is what he needs to understand him ., Hes far more educated in the ways of this world and therefore ,maybe hes lost the reality of loving a partner and maybe this is all he needs . He needs to find someone who cherishes marriage and wants a lifetime together but most of all someone he trust . In His position this is #1 . I understand this.
I know how you feel, partially.
Try asking him the all or nothing question, ';You can choose, your beer, or your daughter?';
You should also tell him that it's fine to have a drink every now and then, but it's not good to get drunk constantly.
You should try talking him into getting the beers with low alcohol.
Maybe you can find some really great drinks that he might be interested in, like smoothies, or a certain pop.
And if he gets drunk, try to get him to eat as much bread as possible, because it absorbs the alcohol.
I have an alcoholic father. Not only does it add stress to the household, but it also creates a financial problem when then funds run low, his drinking gets worse and he starts to ';drink up'; money needed for bills and baby necessities. It is not good for your baby to have a father with an expensive addiction. Her needs are more important than alcohol.
If I were you, I would tell him that he needs to attend an AA meeting and admit that he has a problem. If he refuses to do this, then he is refusing to seek help and therefore his problem can (and will) get worse as the years go on. If he refuses to seek help, threaten to leave him. If that doesn't ';wake him up';, then leave him.
Well you don't want your baby growing up looking at a drunken father.
Sit down with him when he is sober and in attentive mood and tell him you are not happy with the way he is carrying on.
He is a husband/dad now and needs to be responsible.
Tell him you will leave if he keeps it up and follow through with your threat if he ignores you.
What he is doing is binge drinking and it will only get worse. If it continues leave for a while, go stay with family or a friend just to let him know you mean business. If that is not enough for him to change his ways then get out now.
I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
My friend is married and he and his wife are on the rocks, but that's irregardless to this question. Well, my friend (the married man) had about $87,900 saved in an account that he had in California.This money is money that he earned prior to the marriage due to the line of work he was in,as well as some money he received from serving as a Navy Seal.So, he had this money, it was HIS money, in his account, private, etc. His wife knew about it, though, of course. Well, she decided to TAKE that money and transfer it into an account for their newborn son (for his life, under his SSN) without asking the husband, and she will not give him access to the money now, because she opened the account on behalf of their baby using her name.So, basically, she stole it- even though they are married, etc.Is there any legal action that can be taken on the husband's part to get that money back, since she did not consult him first, and/or does he have any legal rights to gain access to the account?I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
Agree with other Answer - you're not getting the whole story!
If it were to be something like you said, either
1. her name was on the account in order for it to move. It becomes community property and is half hers
2. She forged his name ... that is a crime and he would have recourse. The downside is that that money is ';in play'; in divorce proceedings ... it will likely go to attorney's fees and /or used to ';balance'; community property ... or possibly used to support wife and child if she decides she wants to stay in community home.
Oh - those are CA laws - even my scenarios probably aren't much help. They sure are fun, though, aren't they?I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
Well your friend isn't telling you quite the whole story, because there isn't a bank in CA that would let anyone just transfer money unless they were joint on the account as a co-signer. If he was the sole payee on the account she would have had to either forge his name or get him to sign for the transfer. Banks have tight policies on that.
He's doing the old ';look what she did to me'; routine that everyone does when they get divorced to their friends. Believe about 10% of it and you'll be about right.
As you say, you need a lawyer - hire one.
We're just amateurs here.
Agree with other Answer - you're not getting the whole story!
If it were to be something like you said, either
1. her name was on the account in order for it to move. It becomes community property and is half hers
2. She forged his name ... that is a crime and he would have recourse. The downside is that that money is ';in play'; in divorce proceedings ... it will likely go to attorney's fees and /or used to ';balance'; community property ... or possibly used to support wife and child if she decides she wants to stay in community home.
Oh - those are CA laws - even my scenarios probably aren't much help. They sure are fun, though, aren't they?I Need Legal Advice: Marriage/Divorce?
Well your friend isn't telling you quite the whole story, because there isn't a bank in CA that would let anyone just transfer money unless they were joint on the account as a co-signer. If he was the sole payee on the account she would have had to either forge his name or get him to sign for the transfer. Banks have tight policies on that.
He's doing the old ';look what she did to me'; routine that everyone does when they get divorced to their friends. Believe about 10% of it and you'll be about right.
As you say, you need a lawyer - hire one.
We're just amateurs here.
From whom did Heather mills recently seek advice, according to The Spanner, regarding her divorce?
The Question is all there.
:)From whom did Heather mills recently seek advice, according to The Spanner, regarding her divorce?
not sure but you can see her doing a naked video before her divorce,
if the spanner havent seen this video then send it to them.
http://jammydodger.net
Click categories then go celebrities
:)From whom did Heather mills recently seek advice, according to The Spanner, regarding her divorce?
not sure but you can see her doing a naked video before her divorce,
if the spanner havent seen this video then send it to them.
http://jammydodger.net
Click categories then go celebrities
I need some advice on divorce in two states CT and PA?
My girlfriend is trying to get divorced so she can retain full custody of her child and I need some advice on how and what to do and if anyone knows a good lawyer, we are short on cash and need help. He is abusive and controlling and he has put out threats to me and my girlfriend and he has had a restraining order but it just lifted. PLEASE PLEASE we need help. I want this to happen so that I can adopt her and we can be a family and not have this to deal with on a day to day basis. Also he stalks her and that's why she ran away from him with her child. If you can help that would be appreciated. Thank youI need some advice on divorce in two states CT and PA?
In order for you to adopt her child you usually need the biological father to sign over his parental rights. Since he's abusive, its not likely that he will. If you cannot afford a lawyer, contact legal aid and ask how this parental rights can be waived, I have heard of it in some cases such as yours.
No one wants to leave a child in the custody of, or around an abusive person. I do believe there are ways to waive him signing over his rights and allow you to adopt, however most states require you two to be married first.I need some advice on divorce in two states CT and PA?
Go on these websites
http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/ObjectID/796DE8B4-2417-4175-80714E5DCCE20C75/
http://www.agoodlawyer.com/
http://www.smith-lawfirm.com/medCBA.html
http://articles.directorym.com/Divorce_Connecticut-r1036-Connecticut.html
Which state are you in? Can you get another restraining order? Try researching 'legal aid' and see what you can find. States usually have a law clinic. You definitely need a lawyer on this one. Please tell me what state you are in and I could help look for you.
In PA, child custody is never ';settled.'; IOW, either party can always ask the court to reconsider the matter.
The children and youth services center in PA can help with the rest. I don't know about CT.
CT %26amp; PA? 2 states? That's illegal!rosacea treatment
In order for you to adopt her child you usually need the biological father to sign over his parental rights. Since he's abusive, its not likely that he will. If you cannot afford a lawyer, contact legal aid and ask how this parental rights can be waived, I have heard of it in some cases such as yours.
No one wants to leave a child in the custody of, or around an abusive person. I do believe there are ways to waive him signing over his rights and allow you to adopt, however most states require you two to be married first.I need some advice on divorce in two states CT and PA?
Go on these websites
http://www.nolo.com/article.cfm/ObjectID/796DE8B4-2417-4175-80714E5DCCE20C75/
http://www.agoodlawyer.com/
http://www.smith-lawfirm.com/medCBA.html
http://articles.directorym.com/Divorce_Connecticut-r1036-Connecticut.html
Which state are you in? Can you get another restraining order? Try researching 'legal aid' and see what you can find. States usually have a law clinic. You definitely need a lawyer on this one. Please tell me what state you are in and I could help look for you.
In PA, child custody is never ';settled.'; IOW, either party can always ask the court to reconsider the matter.
The children and youth services center in PA can help with the rest. I don't know about CT.
CT %26amp; PA? 2 states? That's illegal!
I need some Advice (((A DIVORCE LAWYER WOULD BE NICE)))?
I need some Advice from a divorce lawyer... My husband of 11 years, but I have been with him for 17 is coming into some money in a law suite from Work men's Compensation Aug 25Th he should know how much he will get... I want to get a divorce from him because he JUST cheated on me and over the 17 yrs has cheated many times... He said if I go file now he will not give me anything, but if I stay he will give me what he feels he should... He said he got hurt not me and I should be lucky to get what he gives me... My question I guess is how do I go about getting some of it? I THINK I should get half of it (right) when he gets the check it's in his name... I will not even no when he gets it... So what can I do?? I know I'm saying this all wrong I have not slept in 4 day's and this is driving me insane... ~~~I need HELP~~~I need some Advice (((A DIVORCE LAWYER WOULD BE NICE)))?
The judgment has been officially signed? If you're entitled to any of the money, it might not matter that it is not yet in hand. In other words, filing now might not save him from having to give you anything. In fact it might be better so that you establish your claim NOW. You really should make an appointment with a divorce attorney. In fact, get an initial consultation with some of the best ones around. Even though you will only hire one, the ones who have given you a free consultation ethically can't represent HIM if he goes to them after you do.
Don't forget, since your marriage lasted at least 10 years, you may be eligible for some of your husband's Social Security benefits one day.I need some Advice (((A DIVORCE LAWYER WOULD BE NICE)))?
%26lt;check with a lawyer licensed in your area%26gt;
The STRICT rule is that - in the event of a divorce - he would get the portion of award that is pain and suffering and future medical bills, and YOU would get a portion (presumptively 1/2) of the ';lost wages'; component.
The problem is that the award is almost never broken down this way. It is almost always just $xx,xxx and you have to argue tohis lawyer or the judge how much you should get.
You are entitled to your community property portion of the pay off. It may not be 1/2 but you have an interest in it. File for divorce and file a motion with the court requesting the pay off be frozen and placed into a trust account until such time as your interest in the same is decided.
You should hire an attorney for this one.
Your right to part of the settlement depends on the state in which you live. It will not matter if you file now or later since the final divorce settlement will take months to complete anyway. If you file now, your attorney can draft a separation agreement that will help protect your financial interests until your divorce is final. Good luck. No one deserves to live with a cheater - no matter how much $$$ is involved.
I think most state divorce law would split the assets of a divorcing couple in half. You will have to consult with a divorce attorney anyway. You definitely will want to protect your rights when you do start divorce proceedings.
You have probably been freeloading?? Try getting a job and support yourself.
I'm not a divorce lawyer, and I have an idea that people who get paid hundreds of dollars to do something don't turn around and do it for free, hon.
He got hurt not you, so it is his money. While you are married to him, what is his is yours, but if you divorce him, none of that money is yours.
If you're in a situation like you've been supporting him for years on your income because he's disabled, then you might have a case, but probably not.
If you want the money, you've got to stay married to him, so decide if it's worth it to you.
The judgment has been officially signed? If you're entitled to any of the money, it might not matter that it is not yet in hand. In other words, filing now might not save him from having to give you anything. In fact it might be better so that you establish your claim NOW. You really should make an appointment with a divorce attorney. In fact, get an initial consultation with some of the best ones around. Even though you will only hire one, the ones who have given you a free consultation ethically can't represent HIM if he goes to them after you do.
Don't forget, since your marriage lasted at least 10 years, you may be eligible for some of your husband's Social Security benefits one day.I need some Advice (((A DIVORCE LAWYER WOULD BE NICE)))?
%26lt;check with a lawyer licensed in your area%26gt;
The STRICT rule is that - in the event of a divorce - he would get the portion of award that is pain and suffering and future medical bills, and YOU would get a portion (presumptively 1/2) of the ';lost wages'; component.
The problem is that the award is almost never broken down this way. It is almost always just $xx,xxx and you have to argue tohis lawyer or the judge how much you should get.
You are entitled to your community property portion of the pay off. It may not be 1/2 but you have an interest in it. File for divorce and file a motion with the court requesting the pay off be frozen and placed into a trust account until such time as your interest in the same is decided.
You should hire an attorney for this one.
Your right to part of the settlement depends on the state in which you live. It will not matter if you file now or later since the final divorce settlement will take months to complete anyway. If you file now, your attorney can draft a separation agreement that will help protect your financial interests until your divorce is final. Good luck. No one deserves to live with a cheater - no matter how much $$$ is involved.
I think most state divorce law would split the assets of a divorcing couple in half. You will have to consult with a divorce attorney anyway. You definitely will want to protect your rights when you do start divorce proceedings.
You have probably been freeloading?? Try getting a job and support yourself.
I'm not a divorce lawyer, and I have an idea that people who get paid hundreds of dollars to do something don't turn around and do it for free, hon.
He got hurt not you, so it is his money. While you are married to him, what is his is yours, but if you divorce him, none of that money is yours.
If you're in a situation like you've been supporting him for years on your income because he's disabled, then you might have a case, but probably not.
If you want the money, you've got to stay married to him, so decide if it's worth it to you.
For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or
Or do you give the advice that the person needs to hear? Lately, I've noticed that my answers are in no way going to get me the ';best answer'; because those answers need some tough logical esteem spanking content.
What factors do you keep in mind when giving the best advice you can give? Do you tickle their ears, or burn them with rebuke?For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or
I never tell a partner to leave unless that is the question. As in: ';How do I leave?';
I try to address the issue at hand, and encourage friendship and respect in the relationship.
Also, if the resolving the issue actually is the asker's responsibility, then I say so.For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or
Yeah, I think it's because there are a lot of young and immature kids in this forum, they are really playing a game for points with silly and stupid answers. i reckon they should have a forum for the over 40's.
I give them the best advice I can based on my knowledge and experience.
I feel that people (usually) post serious questions here, and have (usually) real problems they need help with. If I answered looking for a best, it would be a waste of their time and mine.
Good question, by the way.
when I answer a question either I provide information I've read, researched, and know to be true, or from other peoples' experiences, or I provide information from my own experiences, and I let the reader decide which is best for them (only they know). Whether or not the reader feels the answer is focused and direct is their own opinion. ';I'; feel the answer is focused, direct and from experience. If they ask for a specific answer, i.e. ';where can I buy this or that';...I'll give them a place where they can buy it. I don't answer all questions that arrive in my email. 99% of the time I choose questions that I do know the answer to.
I ONLY go to this when I feel like seeing if someone else has or is in the same situation as I am or have been, usually my answers are related to personal experiances and are usually reflected in my answers. I actually read one of yours a few minutes ago, thought it was quite blunt yet to the point, some of the questions AND answers her are quite ridiculous, and sometimes are coming from obviously immature people in addition, answers are sometimes quite rude and critical, to the point that these people regardless or age/situation are in fact asking for advise but I sometimes, actually quite often see alot of snotty comments, I've only asked 2 questions and got a short but snotty answer from someone who apparently does not read well. But then again, some of these questions, while partially anonymous, I think are uncalled for on such a public forum.
that is not my primary goal. i try to give help by sharing what think is right by using some of my own experiences.
I'm only on here to be a smart ***. People must like it because they give me 10 points with lots of ';lols.';
I call it like I see it, and if the person likes it, great, and if not, then maybe it gives them something new to consider.
Fair question - it comes down to motives, I suppose.
I think the motive for initially asking the question is because someone is hurting.
I'd like to think this forum can offer wisdom and perspective and actually help people on some level; even if it's just support.
Ultimately, all most all of my answers remind that a relationship is the responsibility of both, so placing the burden back on the asker is common.
I hope that makes sense!
I try to use a little tact and/or humor. First off about 75% of the questions out here are complete crap. People pretending to be something that they aren't. I don't bother to answer questions that make me think that. But when I do get a question I want to answer, I try to place myself into the situation or see if I have known someone in that type of situation. I give the best answer I can. What they do with it after that is their choice. Don't tell em what they want to hear, tell them what you believe they need to hear.
I tell them how I see their situation standing from the outside. Often I've been in their situation and I can share how I've handled it, if it was successful or not etc.
I am not a professional in dispensing advice but I read through the questions and I answer based on common sense and sometimes instincts.
Tough and long questions are not for me, so I go for the keywords in them.
Sometimes, it takes someone else to read through something so complicated to get the asker to see the real situation.
Tickle or burn, I just hope my answers do not do more harm.
I try to give my honest opinion about any given situation based upon the information that is given. I try to answer by giving my advice on how I would react to certain situations...but it is so easy to be the one giving the advise if you are not the one in the situation. I think we can predict how we would handle a situation....but I really think that when our emotions take over....we will react based upon those emotions and not necessarily on common sense. As far as getting the best answer..No I am not looking for that...I couldn't care less...I just want to offer support and any insight that I can for others.
i give answers based on my experiences and trying to save the 'asker' from even more heartbreak. i believe that when someone is hurt it's so hard to sort things out. that's why we're here to present to them the other side of the coin and not be biased about things.
I think of how I would handle the problem. Sometimes I can relate to the question because I've been there, sometimes not. Although I try not to do it, there are times when I get a little annoyed by people's stupidity that I might not give as level headed an answer as I normally would. I get a little irked when people list off the problems in their relationship and it's a huge laundry list of things that should have kept them out of the relationship in the first place. I shake my head at many questions on here, not only in this section but others as well.
answer the best i can based on my interpretation of the question posted.
its not about the points.
I tend only to tell them how I would deal with it if I were in the situation and what I know to be true having/going through a divorce not to get me the ';best answer'; I don't care about that b/c I still get 2 points just for answering :-)
based on my past experiences and my lifes worth of learning, i tell them the truth the best i can. i could care less about points, i care about ppl. and when i tell them the truth if they get mad at what i said, then they really prolly didn't want an answer anyway.
one example a week or two back that comes 2 mind was a gal who said she divorced her hubby a year ago, he immediately remarried, she was still sleeping with him behind his wifes back and she doesn't know what 2 do now b'cause he told her if she tells his wife he'll file 4 custody of their children...she wanted advice on what 2 do...she should have asked 4 that advice before she kept sleeping with a newly married man weather he was her ex or not, or she already knew the consequences...believe me if she really doesn't know what to do in that case herself, no one on here can help her. i was really tempted 2 answer her by asking her age and iq.
most of the ppl here asking questions want real answers and they get the best i have when i answer. the rest of the ppl just need a poke in the head b'cause in their question they list they have already answered if for themselves and don't need anyone elses advice.
I usually only answer questions that I think I can make a contribution too. I have 37 years of marriage experience and Hopefully I have learned some things that might help others. Points don't really matter to me.
What's an esteem spanking?
I just give my own honest person opinion, whether from personal experience or someone I know going/went through same thing...
I can be very blunt. I always give answers and advice that I think the person needs to hear. I'm not in any competition.
Receiving a best answer is always appreciated, but I never make that my goal when answering. I answer as honestly and truthfully with the intention of assisting another. I do not try to be cute or clever and my answers come from my heart and experiences in life. If any answer helps a person get through a rough time, that is all the award I need.
My advice is just that, my advice. This is what I'd do in that situation. If I get the best answer, that's great, but not what I'm shooting for.
What factors do you keep in mind when giving the best advice you can give? Do you tickle their ears, or burn them with rebuke?For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or
I never tell a partner to leave unless that is the question. As in: ';How do I leave?';
I try to address the issue at hand, and encourage friendship and respect in the relationship.
Also, if the resolving the issue actually is the asker's responsibility, then I say so.For those who give advice on ';marriage and Divorce';. Do you give advice that will get you the ';best answer'; or
Yeah, I think it's because there are a lot of young and immature kids in this forum, they are really playing a game for points with silly and stupid answers. i reckon they should have a forum for the over 40's.
I give them the best advice I can based on my knowledge and experience.
I feel that people (usually) post serious questions here, and have (usually) real problems they need help with. If I answered looking for a best, it would be a waste of their time and mine.
Good question, by the way.
when I answer a question either I provide information I've read, researched, and know to be true, or from other peoples' experiences, or I provide information from my own experiences, and I let the reader decide which is best for them (only they know). Whether or not the reader feels the answer is focused and direct is their own opinion. ';I'; feel the answer is focused, direct and from experience. If they ask for a specific answer, i.e. ';where can I buy this or that';...I'll give them a place where they can buy it. I don't answer all questions that arrive in my email. 99% of the time I choose questions that I do know the answer to.
I ONLY go to this when I feel like seeing if someone else has or is in the same situation as I am or have been, usually my answers are related to personal experiances and are usually reflected in my answers. I actually read one of yours a few minutes ago, thought it was quite blunt yet to the point, some of the questions AND answers her are quite ridiculous, and sometimes are coming from obviously immature people in addition, answers are sometimes quite rude and critical, to the point that these people regardless or age/situation are in fact asking for advise but I sometimes, actually quite often see alot of snotty comments, I've only asked 2 questions and got a short but snotty answer from someone who apparently does not read well. But then again, some of these questions, while partially anonymous, I think are uncalled for on such a public forum.
that is not my primary goal. i try to give help by sharing what think is right by using some of my own experiences.
I'm only on here to be a smart ***. People must like it because they give me 10 points with lots of ';lols.';
I call it like I see it, and if the person likes it, great, and if not, then maybe it gives them something new to consider.
Fair question - it comes down to motives, I suppose.
I think the motive for initially asking the question is because someone is hurting.
I'd like to think this forum can offer wisdom and perspective and actually help people on some level; even if it's just support.
Ultimately, all most all of my answers remind that a relationship is the responsibility of both, so placing the burden back on the asker is common.
I hope that makes sense!
I try to use a little tact and/or humor. First off about 75% of the questions out here are complete crap. People pretending to be something that they aren't. I don't bother to answer questions that make me think that. But when I do get a question I want to answer, I try to place myself into the situation or see if I have known someone in that type of situation. I give the best answer I can. What they do with it after that is their choice. Don't tell em what they want to hear, tell them what you believe they need to hear.
I tell them how I see their situation standing from the outside. Often I've been in their situation and I can share how I've handled it, if it was successful or not etc.
I am not a professional in dispensing advice but I read through the questions and I answer based on common sense and sometimes instincts.
Tough and long questions are not for me, so I go for the keywords in them.
Sometimes, it takes someone else to read through something so complicated to get the asker to see the real situation.
Tickle or burn, I just hope my answers do not do more harm.
I try to give my honest opinion about any given situation based upon the information that is given. I try to answer by giving my advice on how I would react to certain situations...but it is so easy to be the one giving the advise if you are not the one in the situation. I think we can predict how we would handle a situation....but I really think that when our emotions take over....we will react based upon those emotions and not necessarily on common sense. As far as getting the best answer..No I am not looking for that...I couldn't care less...I just want to offer support and any insight that I can for others.
i give answers based on my experiences and trying to save the 'asker' from even more heartbreak. i believe that when someone is hurt it's so hard to sort things out. that's why we're here to present to them the other side of the coin and not be biased about things.
I think of how I would handle the problem. Sometimes I can relate to the question because I've been there, sometimes not. Although I try not to do it, there are times when I get a little annoyed by people's stupidity that I might not give as level headed an answer as I normally would. I get a little irked when people list off the problems in their relationship and it's a huge laundry list of things that should have kept them out of the relationship in the first place. I shake my head at many questions on here, not only in this section but others as well.
answer the best i can based on my interpretation of the question posted.
its not about the points.
I tend only to tell them how I would deal with it if I were in the situation and what I know to be true having/going through a divorce not to get me the ';best answer'; I don't care about that b/c I still get 2 points just for answering :-)
based on my past experiences and my lifes worth of learning, i tell them the truth the best i can. i could care less about points, i care about ppl. and when i tell them the truth if they get mad at what i said, then they really prolly didn't want an answer anyway.
one example a week or two back that comes 2 mind was a gal who said she divorced her hubby a year ago, he immediately remarried, she was still sleeping with him behind his wifes back and she doesn't know what 2 do now b'cause he told her if she tells his wife he'll file 4 custody of their children...she wanted advice on what 2 do...she should have asked 4 that advice before she kept sleeping with a newly married man weather he was her ex or not, or she already knew the consequences...believe me if she really doesn't know what to do in that case herself, no one on here can help her. i was really tempted 2 answer her by asking her age and iq.
most of the ppl here asking questions want real answers and they get the best i have when i answer. the rest of the ppl just need a poke in the head b'cause in their question they list they have already answered if for themselves and don't need anyone elses advice.
I usually only answer questions that I think I can make a contribution too. I have 37 years of marriage experience and Hopefully I have learned some things that might help others. Points don't really matter to me.
What's an esteem spanking?
I just give my own honest person opinion, whether from personal experience or someone I know going/went through same thing...
I can be very blunt. I always give answers and advice that I think the person needs to hear. I'm not in any competition.
Receiving a best answer is always appreciated, but I never make that my goal when answering. I answer as honestly and truthfully with the intention of assisting another. I do not try to be cute or clever and my answers come from my heart and experiences in life. If any answer helps a person get through a rough time, that is all the award I need.
My advice is just that, my advice. This is what I'd do in that situation. If I get the best answer, that's great, but not what I'm shooting for.
I need advice regarding divorce?
Been married for 25 months, previously have known husband for 7 yrs.He's dominant and too controlling.Ever since we've started dating we broke up many times but he would always come back CRYING to me and would make me feel guilty.He's well aware i can't see people crying as i had a rough childhood....He shows no sign of reconciliation coz he told me once that if i seek for divorce i'll be damaged goods, true??Schysophrenia runs in his family. Said he won't participate in the divorce, can i still get a divorce, please help........I need advice regarding divorce?
This is verbal abuse, crying for you to take him back and saying you are damaged goods. Is he hitting you, too? I'd get away from him and tell him to see a mental health professional. He can't dominate you if you don't let him. You might to try to find a battered woman's program and see if they have something that can help you. You don't have to be hit to be abused.
You can see a lawyer and get your questions answered. Even if the divorce takes longer, you can live independently and get strong and support yourself. Do not get involved with any other man until you get some counseling to see why you settled for this.
We women want to be wanted and to help other people. I think you fell for it in a big way. You can't help him. Let him cry.I need advice regarding divorce?
Just out of curiosity, if you knew for 7 years that he was a lunatic, why on earth did you marry him???
But never mind, of course you can still get a divorce even without his cooperation, it just might take a little longer. Consult a lawyer.
its your right to divorce him, he doesn't need to be involved and protect his assets if he chooses not to.
you have the right to do what is good for you. do not confuse your childhood with this manipulating piece of trash. file for divorce, kick him out, change your number and warn him that if he comes close to you or calls you, you will call the police. end it. you have wasted alot of your life on a lying scumbag who cries crockodile trears. you have the law on your side and i'm sure alot of friends so do it.
Hire an Attorney and yes, you can be totally divorced even if he doesn't sign. The Judge will grant it to you, don't worry about it.
And please don't allow any more abuse from this complete man less, manipulative, coward, assh--e, have some decency yourself and dignity and show him you have bigger balls than his.
You need to grow according to your experiences and move forward......don't park in the abuse zone or go backwards....a true woman never does this!
no, he is trying to manipulate you. it is abusive guy 101.
if you walk away from him, you will be the opposite of damaged goods, you will be someone who is unwilling to tolerate being disrespected.
dn't divorce yet.
A divorce is a last resort. You really need to sit down with your husband and talk this whole thing over rationally. You need to take the time and sit and discuss everything, every little thing, express your feeling, tell him how you feel, try counseling, there are ways to deal with this other then divorce, that is just the easy way out.
get a lawyer. He is playing you with the crying thing because he knows you will take him back each time. He needs to grow up and you need to get out.
Yes, you can definitely get a divorce. And I'd bet he wouldn't contest it once it was in the works. So often a guy like that is much more talk than action - once you start the legal process he very well might go along with it. And if he doesn't - you'll still be able to attain a divorce. Nobody - repeat - NOBODY can force you to stay legally married against your will. Of course, don't try and do this without an attorney. They've seen it all - trust me - and so they'll know how to deal with your husband's reluctance, as well as the history of emotional abuse - AND his mental health problems.
Good luck, and be tough. You've got that in you or you wouldn't be asking this question. Unfortunately, you have to do almost all of this on your own....so be strong.
Disregard the emotional attacks from his family, friends, and him - and KNOW that those will pass with time - I swear they will. Take comfort in people you trust 100% - and even those people may change as you go through this process. Listen to your heart. Sounds like it's saying ';go, girl.';
Trust me, I've been there.
You can get a divorce without his consent. However, are you sure you really want a divorce? That is all up to you. Maybe you are just very angry right now... Give it more thought.
Also, even if his family has Schizophrenia, that does not mean anything! Atleast to me it means nothing, so they are all crazy. Now if you would have said he is he schizophrenic, which would be a different story.
Damage goods comment was him saying ';oh my god, don鈥檛 leave me I will be the messed up one.'; People tend to express how they feel or will feel on to others, to get it off their chest.
Consider if what he ';does to you'; is really on purpose or as bad as you are believing it to be, or is it you exaggerating.
On a lighter tone, you married a man that cries? Ha-ha, that should have been a clue to not marry -- Just kidding.
You should actually consider if this man makes you feel good 80% of the time you are with him, or if he makes you feel miserable. I say 80% because it is impossible to avoid conflicts between peoples. If you do feel he is just messing your happiness up, then divorce might be the solution.
Sounds complicated. But yes, you can still get a divorce. Talk to a lawyer. Damaged goods? Please. No you will not be damaged goods. You're right, he is controlling. Manipulative too.
Yes you can still get a divorce if he isn't wanting it. It will take alittle longer and you will need to be stronger and not let his cry baby attitude suck up back and stop the divorce process.
And think about this you being damaged goods is his fault you are damaged because of him and his problems. But you are not damaged because of it.
it will take longer but yes you can
good luck
going through the same thing
well if your not comfortable with the way he acts somtimes, then you need to confront him. Tell him how you think he can be a bit controlling, and that you think you two should make decisions together, seeing how your married now. If you married the guy, then there has to be somthing there, I wouldn't get a divorce just yet, talk to him first, and let him know how serious you are about your relationship together. And if a man comes back crying, then you know he has somes serious feelings for you. give him another chance. You don't want to make a choice about a divorce, you havn't gave him time yet, just talk to him.
what state?
All the 50 states have different rules so it is important that you see what it will take you get you divorced.
Look in your phone book or on line and try to see what attorneys will offer you a free consultation to get an idea of what you have in store
but to answer your question, YES you can be divorced without his help but it will be a tad more difficult.
P.s. If you are such damaged goods, why does he keep coming back (maybe to do more damage to you?)
Of course you can get a divorce. He doesn't have to consent. First, move very far away from this guy. Don't let him know where you are, and don't be in any hurry to hook up with another guy.
Work on yourself first so you don't repeat this pattern.
You should have never married him in the first place BUT having said that, you can divorce him. He is playing you for a fool since you already know you have trouble with him crying. Damaged goods???? Then that is 90% of the population since most of us out here are divorced and I don't think you could find 1% of the people older than 21 that are still virgins anyway. Who cares? Damaged goods is an old saying when the culture said you were supposed to marry a virgin. You can't even find one hardly anymore. That is were society has fallen to. Don't worry about it. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you right. Ditch this loser quickly!!!
Sure, anyone can. It's sad, but divorce is common and very easy to obtain in this day and age we live in.
This is verbal abuse, crying for you to take him back and saying you are damaged goods. Is he hitting you, too? I'd get away from him and tell him to see a mental health professional. He can't dominate you if you don't let him. You might to try to find a battered woman's program and see if they have something that can help you. You don't have to be hit to be abused.
You can see a lawyer and get your questions answered. Even if the divorce takes longer, you can live independently and get strong and support yourself. Do not get involved with any other man until you get some counseling to see why you settled for this.
We women want to be wanted and to help other people. I think you fell for it in a big way. You can't help him. Let him cry.I need advice regarding divorce?
Just out of curiosity, if you knew for 7 years that he was a lunatic, why on earth did you marry him???
But never mind, of course you can still get a divorce even without his cooperation, it just might take a little longer. Consult a lawyer.
its your right to divorce him, he doesn't need to be involved and protect his assets if he chooses not to.
you have the right to do what is good for you. do not confuse your childhood with this manipulating piece of trash. file for divorce, kick him out, change your number and warn him that if he comes close to you or calls you, you will call the police. end it. you have wasted alot of your life on a lying scumbag who cries crockodile trears. you have the law on your side and i'm sure alot of friends so do it.
Hire an Attorney and yes, you can be totally divorced even if he doesn't sign. The Judge will grant it to you, don't worry about it.
And please don't allow any more abuse from this complete man less, manipulative, coward, assh--e, have some decency yourself and dignity and show him you have bigger balls than his.
You need to grow according to your experiences and move forward......don't park in the abuse zone or go backwards....a true woman never does this!
no, he is trying to manipulate you. it is abusive guy 101.
if you walk away from him, you will be the opposite of damaged goods, you will be someone who is unwilling to tolerate being disrespected.
dn't divorce yet.
A divorce is a last resort. You really need to sit down with your husband and talk this whole thing over rationally. You need to take the time and sit and discuss everything, every little thing, express your feeling, tell him how you feel, try counseling, there are ways to deal with this other then divorce, that is just the easy way out.
get a lawyer. He is playing you with the crying thing because he knows you will take him back each time. He needs to grow up and you need to get out.
Yes, you can definitely get a divorce. And I'd bet he wouldn't contest it once it was in the works. So often a guy like that is much more talk than action - once you start the legal process he very well might go along with it. And if he doesn't - you'll still be able to attain a divorce. Nobody - repeat - NOBODY can force you to stay legally married against your will. Of course, don't try and do this without an attorney. They've seen it all - trust me - and so they'll know how to deal with your husband's reluctance, as well as the history of emotional abuse - AND his mental health problems.
Good luck, and be tough. You've got that in you or you wouldn't be asking this question. Unfortunately, you have to do almost all of this on your own....so be strong.
Disregard the emotional attacks from his family, friends, and him - and KNOW that those will pass with time - I swear they will. Take comfort in people you trust 100% - and even those people may change as you go through this process. Listen to your heart. Sounds like it's saying ';go, girl.';
Trust me, I've been there.
You can get a divorce without his consent. However, are you sure you really want a divorce? That is all up to you. Maybe you are just very angry right now... Give it more thought.
Also, even if his family has Schizophrenia, that does not mean anything! Atleast to me it means nothing, so they are all crazy. Now if you would have said he is he schizophrenic, which would be a different story.
Damage goods comment was him saying ';oh my god, don鈥檛 leave me I will be the messed up one.'; People tend to express how they feel or will feel on to others, to get it off their chest.
Consider if what he ';does to you'; is really on purpose or as bad as you are believing it to be, or is it you exaggerating.
On a lighter tone, you married a man that cries? Ha-ha, that should have been a clue to not marry -- Just kidding.
You should actually consider if this man makes you feel good 80% of the time you are with him, or if he makes you feel miserable. I say 80% because it is impossible to avoid conflicts between peoples. If you do feel he is just messing your happiness up, then divorce might be the solution.
Sounds complicated. But yes, you can still get a divorce. Talk to a lawyer. Damaged goods? Please. No you will not be damaged goods. You're right, he is controlling. Manipulative too.
Yes you can still get a divorce if he isn't wanting it. It will take alittle longer and you will need to be stronger and not let his cry baby attitude suck up back and stop the divorce process.
And think about this you being damaged goods is his fault you are damaged because of him and his problems. But you are not damaged because of it.
it will take longer but yes you can
good luck
going through the same thing
well if your not comfortable with the way he acts somtimes, then you need to confront him. Tell him how you think he can be a bit controlling, and that you think you two should make decisions together, seeing how your married now. If you married the guy, then there has to be somthing there, I wouldn't get a divorce just yet, talk to him first, and let him know how serious you are about your relationship together. And if a man comes back crying, then you know he has somes serious feelings for you. give him another chance. You don't want to make a choice about a divorce, you havn't gave him time yet, just talk to him.
what state?
All the 50 states have different rules so it is important that you see what it will take you get you divorced.
Look in your phone book or on line and try to see what attorneys will offer you a free consultation to get an idea of what you have in store
but to answer your question, YES you can be divorced without his help but it will be a tad more difficult.
P.s. If you are such damaged goods, why does he keep coming back (maybe to do more damage to you?)
Of course you can get a divorce. He doesn't have to consent. First, move very far away from this guy. Don't let him know where you are, and don't be in any hurry to hook up with another guy.
Work on yourself first so you don't repeat this pattern.
You should have never married him in the first place BUT having said that, you can divorce him. He is playing you for a fool since you already know you have trouble with him crying. Damaged goods???? Then that is 90% of the population since most of us out here are divorced and I don't think you could find 1% of the people older than 21 that are still virgins anyway. Who cares? Damaged goods is an old saying when the culture said you were supposed to marry a virgin. You can't even find one hardly anymore. That is were society has fallen to. Don't worry about it. There are plenty of guys out there that will treat you right. Ditch this loser quickly!!!
Sure, anyone can. It's sad, but divorce is common and very easy to obtain in this day and age we live in.
Need legal advice for divorce / custody case?
State of Colorado, divorce has been going on for almost 6 months. Opposing council is unethical, and has pulled out every dirty trick possible. He is attempting to over-turn protection order in place, and constantly creates frivolous issues for my attorney to drain my retainer. Nearly $40k dollars later, I am realizing my attorney is not a match for this- he is always playing defensive and gets mauled by opposing council.
I need a new attorney but now do not have the money for a retainer. Because my spouse has unlimited finances, I have been told I won't qualify for legal aid, and have been advised by many that legal aid/pro bono attorneys often do not put in the effort necessary to win a case.
I am desperate. My ex, even with his domestic abuse history, has been awarded more custody than me of our 2 year old son and while the judge reminded me this is only temporary, I have no idea where to turn.Need legal advice for divorce / custody case?
I think the main problem is that not everything needs to be responded to, and I cannot even imagine what took $40K in 6 months.
I have seen many divorce cases where one spouse was ordered to pay for the legal expenses for both spouses....I would also go to court alone the next time (you can always appeal) and simpy explain to the judge that you cannot qualify for legal aid (but you still need to go, they cannot refuse you based on your SPOUSE'S income in a divorce case b/c you cannot force him to pay your expenses), and can no longer pay for an attorney.
If he has a domestic abuse history, there has to be a reason why he was awarded more visitation time...it isn't b/c your soon-to-be-ex has more money, judges ALWAYS state a reason for it...you should have posted that reason here.
I wouldn't worry about the protection order unless this man has actually tried to kill you...you didn't post that he has actually ever hit you, as domestic abuse is in many forms.
Keep in mind that draining money to keep a protection order in place is a waste of money....someone that is ACTUALLY truly trying to do you harm...is going to ignore the order anyway, and if he has THAT much money, chances are very slim that he would risk losing everything he has paid for, in order to end up in prison.
Focus on your CHILD.Need legal advice for divorce / custody case?
You address several issues. First, the above response is fantastic!! But I wanted to add to a couple of issues. You indicate that you feel your opposing counsel is unethical. Before you make a statement like that, hopefully you have clear evidence to the fact. You may want to contact the ABA and post a complaint. (Here is a link to their website, for Colorado http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/find鈥?/a>
There are other resources here. IF you don't feel your attorney is good, and you truly have a case (keep your feelings out of it -- are you a good parent, responsive, understanding, etc. and can you prove it?) you should be able to find an attorney who will take it on. Most attorneys will give you some time to talk with them before taking a retainer (initial consultations are frequently, but not always, free) so you should be able to shop around.
Also, see if you can research the opposing counsel. See if you can find who has won cases against them in the past - they are more likely to win in the future.
Good luck on your search.
I need a new attorney but now do not have the money for a retainer. Because my spouse has unlimited finances, I have been told I won't qualify for legal aid, and have been advised by many that legal aid/pro bono attorneys often do not put in the effort necessary to win a case.
I am desperate. My ex, even with his domestic abuse history, has been awarded more custody than me of our 2 year old son and while the judge reminded me this is only temporary, I have no idea where to turn.Need legal advice for divorce / custody case?
I think the main problem is that not everything needs to be responded to, and I cannot even imagine what took $40K in 6 months.
I have seen many divorce cases where one spouse was ordered to pay for the legal expenses for both spouses....I would also go to court alone the next time (you can always appeal) and simpy explain to the judge that you cannot qualify for legal aid (but you still need to go, they cannot refuse you based on your SPOUSE'S income in a divorce case b/c you cannot force him to pay your expenses), and can no longer pay for an attorney.
If he has a domestic abuse history, there has to be a reason why he was awarded more visitation time...it isn't b/c your soon-to-be-ex has more money, judges ALWAYS state a reason for it...you should have posted that reason here.
I wouldn't worry about the protection order unless this man has actually tried to kill you...you didn't post that he has actually ever hit you, as domestic abuse is in many forms.
Keep in mind that draining money to keep a protection order in place is a waste of money....someone that is ACTUALLY truly trying to do you harm...is going to ignore the order anyway, and if he has THAT much money, chances are very slim that he would risk losing everything he has paid for, in order to end up in prison.
Focus on your CHILD.Need legal advice for divorce / custody case?
You address several issues. First, the above response is fantastic!! But I wanted to add to a couple of issues. You indicate that you feel your opposing counsel is unethical. Before you make a statement like that, hopefully you have clear evidence to the fact. You may want to contact the ABA and post a complaint. (Here is a link to their website, for Colorado http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/find鈥?/a>
There are other resources here. IF you don't feel your attorney is good, and you truly have a case (keep your feelings out of it -- are you a good parent, responsive, understanding, etc. and can you prove it?) you should be able to find an attorney who will take it on. Most attorneys will give you some time to talk with them before taking a retainer (initial consultations are frequently, but not always, free) so you should be able to shop around.
Also, see if you can research the opposing counsel. See if you can find who has won cases against them in the past - they are more likely to win in the future.
Good luck on your search.
I need advice about divorce.?
My husband and I have been married nearly 13 yrs. He has been spending alot of time with my brother who is addicted to drugs. I know my husband has been lightly using as well. We constantly argue about him hanging around my brother because I don't trust him. But yet he disrespects me and goes anyway. He was fired from his last job because he couldn't pass a random drug test but yet he still expects me to trust him. After all the fighting i've finally gotten to where I don't care. I can't even smile around him, he makes me angry. So should I trust him and let it go or ask for a divorce?I need advice about divorce.?
There is no such thing as 'lightly using' drugs. You are either a user, or you are not a user. If your husband lies to you, sneaks around with your untrustworthy brother, and can't hold a job... it doesn't bode well. He has shown you clearly that he can't be trusted... yet he expects it of you.
As I see it, you have 2 choices. You can try to get him to turn his life around... and stick by him... and hope it all works out...
OR
You can walk. Try a separation at first... some counselling... either for both of you or just you... and see where it leads.
If I was in your situation, I would do what I could before I took the 'divorce' route. Divorce should be the last option.I need advice about divorce.?
Trust him and let it go. If he's only using recreationally it's akin to drinking a couple beers after work. Just because somebody made it illegal doesn't mean you should revolve your life around it.
Try and talk it out. Generally there should be an ultimatum like, you need to stop doing drugs or seek help, if not I am leaving and there's no turning back. Don't fall back on your promise.
You should ask him if he thinks he has a problem and if he is willing to get treatment
He's hooked on drugs. it has already cost him his job. Leave him.
If he makes you so sad- leave him and move on!
Life is too short.
Tell him outright that he has a choice to make in life. Drugs and your brother, or you and a family. Let him make the decision. If he say's you, as oppossed to your brother, lay down the law. Tell him you will give him random drug test's from the pharmacy whenever you feel like it for the next year at a minimum, and that if he fails one, he is out the door. When you tell him that, watch his reaction. It will tell you how serious he is about being with you.
Honestly, I would just send him down the road!! Addictions are good grounds for divorce.
He has shown you that he isn't trustworthy, and it is his responsiblility to prove that he can be.
There is no such thing as 'lightly using' drugs. You are either a user, or you are not a user. If your husband lies to you, sneaks around with your untrustworthy brother, and can't hold a job... it doesn't bode well. He has shown you clearly that he can't be trusted... yet he expects it of you.
As I see it, you have 2 choices. You can try to get him to turn his life around... and stick by him... and hope it all works out...
OR
You can walk. Try a separation at first... some counselling... either for both of you or just you... and see where it leads.
If I was in your situation, I would do what I could before I took the 'divorce' route. Divorce should be the last option.I need advice about divorce.?
Trust him and let it go. If he's only using recreationally it's akin to drinking a couple beers after work. Just because somebody made it illegal doesn't mean you should revolve your life around it.
Try and talk it out. Generally there should be an ultimatum like, you need to stop doing drugs or seek help, if not I am leaving and there's no turning back. Don't fall back on your promise.
You should ask him if he thinks he has a problem and if he is willing to get treatment
He's hooked on drugs. it has already cost him his job. Leave him.
If he makes you so sad- leave him and move on!
Life is too short.
Tell him outright that he has a choice to make in life. Drugs and your brother, or you and a family. Let him make the decision. If he say's you, as oppossed to your brother, lay down the law. Tell him you will give him random drug test's from the pharmacy whenever you feel like it for the next year at a minimum, and that if he fails one, he is out the door. When you tell him that, watch his reaction. It will tell you how serious he is about being with you.
Honestly, I would just send him down the road!! Addictions are good grounds for divorce.
He has shown you that he isn't trustworthy, and it is his responsiblility to prove that he can be.
Need some advice about divorce??
My parents have been married 30 years, the last 12 unhappily. My father is an alcoholic %26amp; very arrogant. She wants a divorce. They cannot afford to get lawyers, but he will most likely fight her on everything. The house is in her name and her fathers and her car is in her name only. Are there any laws in Ga that say that we can't have him removed from the house? Should we fight him or just let him keep the house? If he doesn't fight can we just go to the courthouse?Need some advice about divorce??
Why are you involved with helping your mother get a divorce from your father?
You need to stop this lest you seem ungrateful for his half of your existence.
This is between your parents. Leave it that way.
No matter how much you think you know, you do not know what happens behind closed doors or should not. From your own statement you find him arrogant. That may be but you seem to have no idea how his life got to this point.
Perhaps you should be spending some time trying to get him some assistance for his addiction instead of driving him out of your life and taking sides.
That would be a good role for a child toward a parent NOT helping stir the pot of discord.Need some advice about divorce??
You would have to check with a lawyer there in Ga. I know here in SC they have a free legal service set up here for it's residents. But in my opinion, I doubt you can just have him removed, no more than you can have a tenant removed without going through the proper procedures. Unfortunately, without a lawyer, it'll be pretty hard to proceed with a complicated divorce. The best thing you can do is be there for your mother emotionally.
If the house is in your mothers name and grandfathers name then yes you can have him removed from the property. If they cannot afford lawyers then your mother would have to go to the court house and file all the paperwork pro-se (which means without an attorney). She should tell your dad how she feels and if he doesn't want to leave and she's serious, then call the police and have him booted out. I know it's hard living with an alcoholic, good luck to you honey!rosacea treatment
Why are you involved with helping your mother get a divorce from your father?
You need to stop this lest you seem ungrateful for his half of your existence.
This is between your parents. Leave it that way.
No matter how much you think you know, you do not know what happens behind closed doors or should not. From your own statement you find him arrogant. That may be but you seem to have no idea how his life got to this point.
Perhaps you should be spending some time trying to get him some assistance for his addiction instead of driving him out of your life and taking sides.
That would be a good role for a child toward a parent NOT helping stir the pot of discord.Need some advice about divorce??
You would have to check with a lawyer there in Ga. I know here in SC they have a free legal service set up here for it's residents. But in my opinion, I doubt you can just have him removed, no more than you can have a tenant removed without going through the proper procedures. Unfortunately, without a lawyer, it'll be pretty hard to proceed with a complicated divorce. The best thing you can do is be there for your mother emotionally.
If the house is in your mothers name and grandfathers name then yes you can have him removed from the property. If they cannot afford lawyers then your mother would have to go to the court house and file all the paperwork pro-se (which means without an attorney). She should tell your dad how she feels and if he doesn't want to leave and she's serious, then call the police and have him booted out. I know it's hard living with an alcoholic, good luck to you honey!
Here is a question that has come up in conversations with others. Advice on staying together or divorce?
I have noticed in questions that are posted on what individuals should do when it comes to saving a marriage or divorcing that the individuals that are divorced tend to lean to divorce and those that are married tend to lean to marriage. Now I know that it depends on the situation, but I would like to know where most people draw the line when it comes to staying in a marriage and divorcing. If you had to make a decision whether to stay married or get divorced, let me know what your thought process was and how that effects the advice that you give to others ';caught in the middle';. Best answer of course gets 10 pts.Here is a question that has come up in conversations with others. Advice on staying together or divorce?
Well I am divorced and remarried to another man whom I love so much. The first divorce was not my choice, I would not have chosen that route but he left and wouldn't come back so that was that. My present husband and I have our problems which we are going to counseling for, we are putting in the effort and that is the difference, I will not divorce this husband either because I believe no matter who you are married to you will have problems so you might as well work them out with the one you are with now instead of finding someone else to go through the same things with. So I say stay married as long as there is not any abuse going on.Here is a question that has come up in conversations with others. Advice on staying together or divorce?
okay well first if all they say that marriage is suppossed to be forever , so chose wisely however my thought process is like this it really depends if the person has enough heart has enough love to stay married to a person whom has ';broken the bond'; example if someone cheats during the course of the marriage and breaks his/ or her words that they both swore on in front of witnesses and god whom watches it all , that would be evidence enough to divorce or seperate unless they can for give and move on and learn that is for better or worse but some people are truly unhappy and leave like i said because they broke the vow then it its understanable to want to let the union dissolve because some people just dont learn until you give them the cold and hard fact that it is a cruel world sometimes and if you want to make it even crueler to you r partner than they deserve to be left be divorced to learn - ';IF '; they ever do on their own .. if thats the way they want to live than by all means you should let them because its their road they chose; their life and thier sins which they pay for during and at the end of life..
Speaking from past experience, I had to get divorced. Abusive relationships with children was not the way to go. I was married for 7 yrs. and separated for 3 1/2 of those yrs. Marriage is a beautiful thing especially when two people truly love each other. So I don't go knocking people and say get a divorce. Now speaking on some one Else's aspects can be tricky depending on the situation as stated. If the situation is very disturbing then yes a divorce may be needed or just some counseling. Or even maybe a separation. Some people can work out their own issues depending the on the situation again as stated.
I'm married, and I think the only reason I would personally get divorced is if my husband had an affair. I believe that marriage is sacred and that now a days people get married and divorced too quickly. Marriage is a commitment for life and shouldn't be taken lightly. Once you make a big decision you have to live with the consequences.
People give up too easily when things get hard. Every marriage has a rough patch sometime, you just have to work through it. Put in some effort before throwing in the towel. For some people divorce might be the best option but you should at least try to make it work pretty hard before giving up.
To me the only reason most couples should divorce is because of an affair or one person is being abusive or has an addiction they can't overcome (and has tried to) that is destroying both lives. But try to see if you can solve the problem first.
That is my opinion. When I married my husband I meant every word of my vows.
Well my situation is sorta unique. My husband of 15 months just keeps leaving me every little argument. I mean to give an example the last time he decided to leave was because I applied for the Big Brother program for my son. They found a match and he gave me an ultimatum. If I kept the appointment he was leaving again. Well my reasons for the program to begin with is to give my son stability when it comes to male role models. I guess he felt like his toes were stepped on and told me another man was not replacing him. Although we haven't seen or heard from him in 3 weeks. The last time he left (6 mo ago) was because I got mad over him NOT keeping his ex in her place and voiced my opinion and ';again'; he left. (7-8 times now) I had to come to terms that this is just a tip of a bigger problem that I'm not even aware that was before us. At this time he promised my kids he wouldn't just abandon them again and if anything happened between mom and him he would stay in contact.
Over the short time we've been together we've been to counseling (3 different) and I would work on the issues that I needed to work on to save our marriage and he would ';until'; an issue came up and all was forgotten.
In the beginning of this marriage I did believe many things I was told by him. I always said I can only believe what I'm told until I find out differently. During this marriage I've now got 7 ulcers and went through a depression. I desperately wanted my marriage. We were married under God and I just couldn't let go.
I told him if we didn't stay in church and become one with Christ that we wouldn't make it. He seemed like he agreed and would make a good attempt but in the end I wasn't comfortable because we would go and he would accuse me of looking at other men. I never did. Not in that way. So that hurt.
My husband didn't trust me and I had to learn that ';he'; has to work that out for himself and I can't fix him. He came into my life with alot of baggage but I thought things would work themselves out but by ';running'; nothing can work out. I lost trust as far as thinking he was going to be around and give me the stability I needed.
The sad part is that I could contact him (work, i don't know where he's even staying) and say,';lets work this out';, and he would be right back.
I had to make a decision. And through lots of counseling and developing my confidence again (thought it was gone) I decided to leave him alone and move forward with my life and the lives of my kids. My kids are first and I had to remind myself of that and make a decision. Not an easy one I assure you.
I've contacted a Lawyer Assoc. and I haven't actually filed but I intend to. I've finally let go and believe this was not a decision I made easily. I loved my family with everything I had in me but I need to move on and allow him to do the same.
If a person can admit a problem and do everything to correct it or try to do better they will prosper but when in denial there isn't any help. You got to want to help yourself first.
Well I am divorced and remarried to another man whom I love so much. The first divorce was not my choice, I would not have chosen that route but he left and wouldn't come back so that was that. My present husband and I have our problems which we are going to counseling for, we are putting in the effort and that is the difference, I will not divorce this husband either because I believe no matter who you are married to you will have problems so you might as well work them out with the one you are with now instead of finding someone else to go through the same things with. So I say stay married as long as there is not any abuse going on.Here is a question that has come up in conversations with others. Advice on staying together or divorce?
okay well first if all they say that marriage is suppossed to be forever , so chose wisely however my thought process is like this it really depends if the person has enough heart has enough love to stay married to a person whom has ';broken the bond'; example if someone cheats during the course of the marriage and breaks his/ or her words that they both swore on in front of witnesses and god whom watches it all , that would be evidence enough to divorce or seperate unless they can for give and move on and learn that is for better or worse but some people are truly unhappy and leave like i said because they broke the vow then it its understanable to want to let the union dissolve because some people just dont learn until you give them the cold and hard fact that it is a cruel world sometimes and if you want to make it even crueler to you r partner than they deserve to be left be divorced to learn - ';IF '; they ever do on their own .. if thats the way they want to live than by all means you should let them because its their road they chose; their life and thier sins which they pay for during and at the end of life..
Speaking from past experience, I had to get divorced. Abusive relationships with children was not the way to go. I was married for 7 yrs. and separated for 3 1/2 of those yrs. Marriage is a beautiful thing especially when two people truly love each other. So I don't go knocking people and say get a divorce. Now speaking on some one Else's aspects can be tricky depending on the situation as stated. If the situation is very disturbing then yes a divorce may be needed or just some counseling. Or even maybe a separation. Some people can work out their own issues depending the on the situation again as stated.
I'm married, and I think the only reason I would personally get divorced is if my husband had an affair. I believe that marriage is sacred and that now a days people get married and divorced too quickly. Marriage is a commitment for life and shouldn't be taken lightly. Once you make a big decision you have to live with the consequences.
People give up too easily when things get hard. Every marriage has a rough patch sometime, you just have to work through it. Put in some effort before throwing in the towel. For some people divorce might be the best option but you should at least try to make it work pretty hard before giving up.
To me the only reason most couples should divorce is because of an affair or one person is being abusive or has an addiction they can't overcome (and has tried to) that is destroying both lives. But try to see if you can solve the problem first.
That is my opinion. When I married my husband I meant every word of my vows.
Well my situation is sorta unique. My husband of 15 months just keeps leaving me every little argument. I mean to give an example the last time he decided to leave was because I applied for the Big Brother program for my son. They found a match and he gave me an ultimatum. If I kept the appointment he was leaving again. Well my reasons for the program to begin with is to give my son stability when it comes to male role models. I guess he felt like his toes were stepped on and told me another man was not replacing him. Although we haven't seen or heard from him in 3 weeks. The last time he left (6 mo ago) was because I got mad over him NOT keeping his ex in her place and voiced my opinion and ';again'; he left. (7-8 times now) I had to come to terms that this is just a tip of a bigger problem that I'm not even aware that was before us. At this time he promised my kids he wouldn't just abandon them again and if anything happened between mom and him he would stay in contact.
Over the short time we've been together we've been to counseling (3 different) and I would work on the issues that I needed to work on to save our marriage and he would ';until'; an issue came up and all was forgotten.
In the beginning of this marriage I did believe many things I was told by him. I always said I can only believe what I'm told until I find out differently. During this marriage I've now got 7 ulcers and went through a depression. I desperately wanted my marriage. We were married under God and I just couldn't let go.
I told him if we didn't stay in church and become one with Christ that we wouldn't make it. He seemed like he agreed and would make a good attempt but in the end I wasn't comfortable because we would go and he would accuse me of looking at other men. I never did. Not in that way. So that hurt.
My husband didn't trust me and I had to learn that ';he'; has to work that out for himself and I can't fix him. He came into my life with alot of baggage but I thought things would work themselves out but by ';running'; nothing can work out. I lost trust as far as thinking he was going to be around and give me the stability I needed.
The sad part is that I could contact him (work, i don't know where he's even staying) and say,';lets work this out';, and he would be right back.
I had to make a decision. And through lots of counseling and developing my confidence again (thought it was gone) I decided to leave him alone and move forward with my life and the lives of my kids. My kids are first and I had to remind myself of that and make a decision. Not an easy one I assure you.
I've contacted a Lawyer Assoc. and I haven't actually filed but I intend to. I've finally let go and believe this was not a decision I made easily. I loved my family with everything I had in me but I need to move on and allow him to do the same.
If a person can admit a problem and do everything to correct it or try to do better they will prosper but when in denial there isn't any help. You got to want to help yourself first.
Divorce Costs and Advice...for future reference?
My husband and I haven't been well lately. I don't think I will be staying with him much longer. We have a son who is 1yrs old and a puppy. We dont own a home but we have bought many things for the place where we stay now. I was wondering what are the costs of a divorce and about how long does it take for it finalize.??Divorce Costs and Advice...for future reference?
It would help a lot if we knew where you live, laws differ all over. You also haven't told us how long you have been married, that too makes a difference.
I'm sorry to hear that it's not working out for you, but be sure of what you want the outcome to be. The cost of a divorce here in California, if it's uncontested is pretty small around $400 or $500 depending on the packet of paper work you need. Because there is a child involved. it will probably be more.
Just my thoughts. Oh and the puppy make sure it has a loving home just like your son.Divorce Costs and Advice...for future reference?
the costs and length of time depend on how much you argue about the settlement and the state you live in
1- the settlement
if you two can agree on the division of assets, and child custody, and child support, and finally alimony - then it becomes simple and inexpensive - simply write down on a piece of paper what the two of you have agreed on - make a copy - and both of you go to a notary - in front of the notary - each of you sign both documents - then - each keeps a copy
2- now you can separate and live apart - some states require a six month separation - some a year - once the term has completed - all you have to do is go the county courthouse and obtain the blank divorce papers - fill them out and file them - usually $50-$100
but if you argue and can't agree on the items in #1 - and end up needing a lawyer - it will get VERY expensive and time consuming
It depends on what state you are in and what ';kind'; of divorce it is.
All states have different filing fees, they usually range between $150-300. An uncontested divorce does not require a lawyer, you can do it yourself therefore it will cost less than a contested divorce which does require the use of a lawyer.
FL does not have a required waiting period after filing.
I've reserched divorce and the cost and I've found that it depends a lot on the difficulty of the divorce. If both parties agree that they want a divorce and can decide amongst themselves how to divide the property/assets then you won't need a lawyer for much.
Also, you should try visiting legalzoom
Well, do you want some other woman raising your son? I guess you don't want any control in raising your son? And you don't care about other children he'll have to live with??
Because that's what divorce usually does. He'll get a gf, they might get married and she might have other kids.
Wouldn't it be easier TO TRY TO WORK IT OUT??????
With a kid it is going to cost more and take longer. It depends on the lawyer you get and the state you live in. You can call some lawyers for a better idea.
It shouldn't be much (1000) if you agree on everything. If you want to fight full custody of your kid or don't agree on who gets what then you can try midiation but if that doesn't work out be ready to spend 5g's
The solution is butt sniffing. The remedy you seek is right in front of you. Hike your skirt up and let his beak get your scent.
It would help a lot if we knew where you live, laws differ all over. You also haven't told us how long you have been married, that too makes a difference.
I'm sorry to hear that it's not working out for you, but be sure of what you want the outcome to be. The cost of a divorce here in California, if it's uncontested is pretty small around $400 or $500 depending on the packet of paper work you need. Because there is a child involved. it will probably be more.
Just my thoughts. Oh and the puppy make sure it has a loving home just like your son.Divorce Costs and Advice...for future reference?
the costs and length of time depend on how much you argue about the settlement and the state you live in
1- the settlement
if you two can agree on the division of assets, and child custody, and child support, and finally alimony - then it becomes simple and inexpensive - simply write down on a piece of paper what the two of you have agreed on - make a copy - and both of you go to a notary - in front of the notary - each of you sign both documents - then - each keeps a copy
2- now you can separate and live apart - some states require a six month separation - some a year - once the term has completed - all you have to do is go the county courthouse and obtain the blank divorce papers - fill them out and file them - usually $50-$100
but if you argue and can't agree on the items in #1 - and end up needing a lawyer - it will get VERY expensive and time consuming
It depends on what state you are in and what ';kind'; of divorce it is.
All states have different filing fees, they usually range between $150-300. An uncontested divorce does not require a lawyer, you can do it yourself therefore it will cost less than a contested divorce which does require the use of a lawyer.
FL does not have a required waiting period after filing.
I've reserched divorce and the cost and I've found that it depends a lot on the difficulty of the divorce. If both parties agree that they want a divorce and can decide amongst themselves how to divide the property/assets then you won't need a lawyer for much.
Also, you should try visiting legalzoom
Well, do you want some other woman raising your son? I guess you don't want any control in raising your son? And you don't care about other children he'll have to live with??
Because that's what divorce usually does. He'll get a gf, they might get married and she might have other kids.
Wouldn't it be easier TO TRY TO WORK IT OUT??????
With a kid it is going to cost more and take longer. It depends on the lawyer you get and the state you live in. You can call some lawyers for a better idea.
It shouldn't be much (1000) if you agree on everything. If you want to fight full custody of your kid or don't agree on who gets what then you can try midiation but if that doesn't work out be ready to spend 5g's
The solution is butt sniffing. The remedy you seek is right in front of you. Hike your skirt up and let his beak get your scent.
For those who have been divorced: What 1 piece of advice would you give someone going through a divorce?
Women: Take as much as you can! Then repeat. The laws are on your side.
Men: Salvage what you can and learn your lesson. Marriage is nothing but a contract to give up half your stuff. Do not get married! There's nothing you can get married that you can not have while unmarried:
-Having a lifelong, faithful, committed relationship has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Owning a beautiful dream home together has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Rearing healthy, happy, and successful children has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Building a family and life together has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Growing old together has nothing to do with being ';married';.
Remaining unmarried gives you the option to walk away as soon as she starts acting a fool. Since when did signing a contract prove your love. If you really love each other a piece of paper to give away half your stuff shouldn't matter.For those who have been divorced: What 1 piece of advice would you give someone going through a divorce?
You are so right. Thank you.
For those who have been divorced: What 1 piece of advice would you give someone going through a divorce?
Stay dignified and don't play games.
Don't be bitter. If it is your partner leaving and children are involved, try to put your feelings aside, it is not as hard on you as them. If your ex has someone else in their life as long as they are good to your children don't hold that against him/her, be glad they are kind to your children.
Life gives us lemons so make some lemonade.
If there are children involved please make it as easy on them as possible. Don't use them to get even with your soon to be ex. Be careful in the future who you have your kids around.
';Now that you're going through this, LEARN THE LESSONS WELL and never make the same mistake twice.';
Don't let the hurt feelings make you vindictive and bitter. Be fair but stand up for yourself. NEVER use your children as go betweens or prizes to be fought over.
just do it. the only regret i have - i didn't do it like 10 years earlier
It's not easy to go through, but it helps if you have some kind of support system. Journal, pray, talk with others, do whatever you can think of to get through the tough time. There are some very helpful divorce groups in some cities. I once belonged to one. It gets better with time. Now I can look back and think it was the best thing that could have happened and wish it had happened years earlier. You are stronger than you ever imagined. Hang in there.
don't jump into another relationship....take some time for yourself.
Hello it has been a long time since my divorce but I remember,never give up on love and never take baggage from your marriage into your next relationship or marriage, and if any of the reasons why your first marriage did not work remember to fix the part that you had something to do with before ever entering another relationship.Take your time.
Keep a cool head at all time's, and never discuss private issue's, in front of the children, you are not divorcing them ,so they should not be present, divide all in half no matter what'; it can all be bought again , make's lawyer's crazy when you do that, and if you still can above all, ' be friend's ';.
P.S. please, when asked to stay away ,' do so ', It is difficult for both of you at this time , and give each other time to mourn this loss and ending of a marriage
It reallty does hurt,' never happen to me but to my family.
Make sure this is not a rash decision and that life apart from them is better than being with them.
If you have no choice because they want the divorce, do NOT focus on the things that brought you together to make that vow, that will only make it hurt more. Focus on the negative and things that broke you up and are keeping you apart.
Find yourself.
I have been divorced officially since November 29, 07, just got the papers in the mail. The one piece of advise I would give you is just to know that if either or both of you is wanting a divorce, then their is obviously reason and you'll probably both be happier in the end. My husband didn't want our divorce, but I told him you will be happier once you get over the pain, and sure enough now he is. Just try and stay friends if possible, especially if you have kids. And remember it's not easy, even if your the one wanting the divorce, but it gets better with time.
Men: Salvage what you can and learn your lesson. Marriage is nothing but a contract to give up half your stuff. Do not get married! There's nothing you can get married that you can not have while unmarried:
-Having a lifelong, faithful, committed relationship has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Owning a beautiful dream home together has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Rearing healthy, happy, and successful children has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Building a family and life together has nothing to do with being ';married';.
-Growing old together has nothing to do with being ';married';.
Remaining unmarried gives you the option to walk away as soon as she starts acting a fool. Since when did signing a contract prove your love. If you really love each other a piece of paper to give away half your stuff shouldn't matter.For those who have been divorced: What 1 piece of advice would you give someone going through a divorce?
You are so right. Thank you.
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For those who have been divorced: What 1 piece of advice would you give someone going through a divorce?
Stay dignified and don't play games.
Don't be bitter. If it is your partner leaving and children are involved, try to put your feelings aside, it is not as hard on you as them. If your ex has someone else in their life as long as they are good to your children don't hold that against him/her, be glad they are kind to your children.
Life gives us lemons so make some lemonade.
If there are children involved please make it as easy on them as possible. Don't use them to get even with your soon to be ex. Be careful in the future who you have your kids around.
';Now that you're going through this, LEARN THE LESSONS WELL and never make the same mistake twice.';
Don't let the hurt feelings make you vindictive and bitter. Be fair but stand up for yourself. NEVER use your children as go betweens or prizes to be fought over.
just do it. the only regret i have - i didn't do it like 10 years earlier
It's not easy to go through, but it helps if you have some kind of support system. Journal, pray, talk with others, do whatever you can think of to get through the tough time. There are some very helpful divorce groups in some cities. I once belonged to one. It gets better with time. Now I can look back and think it was the best thing that could have happened and wish it had happened years earlier. You are stronger than you ever imagined. Hang in there.
don't jump into another relationship....take some time for yourself.
Hello it has been a long time since my divorce but I remember,never give up on love and never take baggage from your marriage into your next relationship or marriage, and if any of the reasons why your first marriage did not work remember to fix the part that you had something to do with before ever entering another relationship.Take your time.
Keep a cool head at all time's, and never discuss private issue's, in front of the children, you are not divorcing them ,so they should not be present, divide all in half no matter what'; it can all be bought again , make's lawyer's crazy when you do that, and if you still can above all, ' be friend's ';.
P.S. please, when asked to stay away ,' do so ', It is difficult for both of you at this time , and give each other time to mourn this loss and ending of a marriage
It reallty does hurt,' never happen to me but to my family.
Make sure this is not a rash decision and that life apart from them is better than being with them.
If you have no choice because they want the divorce, do NOT focus on the things that brought you together to make that vow, that will only make it hurt more. Focus on the negative and things that broke you up and are keeping you apart.
Find yourself.
I have been divorced officially since November 29, 07, just got the papers in the mail. The one piece of advise I would give you is just to know that if either or both of you is wanting a divorce, then their is obviously reason and you'll probably both be happier in the end. My husband didn't want our divorce, but I told him you will be happier once you get over the pain, and sure enough now he is. Just try and stay friends if possible, especially if you have kids. And remember it's not easy, even if your the one wanting the divorce, but it gets better with time.
Need advice on divorce case?
Okay my soon to be ex husband is in jail for burgulary of habitation i got word yesterday that he apparently went to someones elses house and barged thru the door while they were there they told him to get out he didnt do so, so he got his *** kicked and they called the cops, well after that he decided to go to the guys brothers house and throw a rock with a note on it in there window. Apparently he was there to get a welder that he traded for work a while back to the first victim anyways, he does have a criminal background following drugs and assault also weapon charges. however back in 2007 i was ordered out of the house due to him taking care of our business onsite welding, well this business no longer exist and for the past nine months from what i hear he has not been working and has been on meth i think this is why he did what he did. Anyways im still married to him, and trying to get divorce and my half, my lawyer is out of town and im not sure if he is going to bail out but i know he can not pay the bills since all this is going on and wondering what next? However his gf does not live at our residence but i have heard she is bad into meth also and is trashy. I dont want her there.. I just want everything protected so i can get my half and be done, if i have to move back in thats fine.
He was ordered June 26th to go to mediation so that we can get our divorce settled. I found out that his lawyer withdrew him and he has no lawyer.
I havent been with him in two years, he also has a 2 other charges pending on him one for harrassment on me and one from the first victim he is also pressing charges i think for burgulary.
He did finish probation on his past history back in 2005 he did two years of probation, because they thought he was a drug dealer when really he was buying big amounts of drugs for himself.
I just found out that he was released on $25,000.00 bond, which is freakin nuts not sure why they let him out.Need advice on divorce case?
I would like to help you but, you have no question.Need advice on divorce case?
What is your question?
This sounds like something out of the movie Idiocracy..... see it.
get a restraining order so he cant bring harm to you.
I agree with the others that i am not sure what your question is. You have more then enough information and leverage for your divorce. I would collect as much collaborative information on the subject that you can, and give all of that to your lawyer.
Your divorce should be a breeze.
He was ordered June 26th to go to mediation so that we can get our divorce settled. I found out that his lawyer withdrew him and he has no lawyer.
I havent been with him in two years, he also has a 2 other charges pending on him one for harrassment on me and one from the first victim he is also pressing charges i think for burgulary.
He did finish probation on his past history back in 2005 he did two years of probation, because they thought he was a drug dealer when really he was buying big amounts of drugs for himself.
I just found out that he was released on $25,000.00 bond, which is freakin nuts not sure why they let him out.Need advice on divorce case?
I would like to help you but, you have no question.Need advice on divorce case?
What is your question?
This sounds like something out of the movie Idiocracy..... see it.
get a restraining order so he cant bring harm to you.
I agree with the others that i am not sure what your question is. You have more then enough information and leverage for your divorce. I would collect as much collaborative information on the subject that you can, and give all of that to your lawyer.
Your divorce should be a breeze.
Legal advice about divorce...?
I live in NC and I need help. Me and my husband separated almost a week ago. I know he is seeing an 18 year old girl (we are 24). We have a 3 year old son and I have told him over and over he is ruining his chances of seeing his son. He denies he is doing anything, and thinks that he is really not since he is not ';dating'; her and he is hiding it this time (he dated the same girl when we split earlier this year. What can be done legally if I can't really prove it?Legal advice about divorce...?
You can't use your son as a weapon against your husband. It is not healthy for your son. The courts will not deny him time with his son cause he has a girlfriend --- they quite literally do not care (he is right on that point). If you keep saying this and then try to stop him from seeing his son it could be a problem for you in court during custody part. Courts are becoming very sensitive to parents using their children against each other. Get a book on parenting through divorce --- it will explain this in more detail.Legal advice about divorce...?
Quit using your son as a bargaining chip. You're trying to control your soon to be ex by threatening him with not being able to see him. Wrong wrong wrong.
18 is the age of consent, and if he's dating someone of that age, you'll just have to get over it.
P.S. I'm sorry your marriage is splitting up, but he doesn't sound like someone I'd want to stay with anyway.
Don't make threats as they will backfire on you. It's painful when your ex is with someone you disapprove of, but unfortunately, that's life. If he's so caught up with a child, he may not be available to your son and may not keep current with scheduled visits. Then, you can say he's not complying with the court order. The court will question his desire to have a relationship with his son. You should only focus on HIS ability to parent, NOT who he spends his free time with.
It isn't up to you to prove if it's true or not. Its up to him to prove that it isn't true. Find a good family lawyer and file for divorce and just state the obvious to the lawyer and let them file the case, let your husband prove his innocence. But for now - if you can get hold of phone bills, credit card bills, anything that may incriminate him - by all means gather it.
Have you talked to a lawyer yet? If you haven't, you should find one to talk to. You can look in your phone book and call around (Look for divorce attorneys) and ask the receptionist if they do a free consultation. Most of them do but some charge money for the same service. Talk to the ones who don't charge-sometimes they will even talk to you over the phone. Talk to them about the situation and they will tell you what you can do. I had to do the same thing when my husband wanted a divorce.
That is called statutory rape... run that term by him,,, 17 will get you 20.... years...
Having a girlfriend does not ruin his chances of seeing his son. Just like if you got a boyfriend the court would not take custody away from you. If you want to divorce him (I recommend it) then file for divorce, ask the judge for a temporary custody order that will establish parenting time for both of you and order child support. You don't need to prove adultery to get a divorce. If you do keep him from seeing his son you can be messing up your chances of having primary custody because judges don't like parents who keep the child from the other parent, but don't wait on getting a temporary custody order because until you have one he could take his son and not give him back, you wouldn't be abe to do anything about it without a court order.
No matter what he does he has just as many rights as you do on your son. Your son is also his son and you can't change that. Their are two sides to every story and his counts too.
Yahoo is not the place to get legal advice. The only place you can get real advice is in an attorney's office. No one from Yahoo is going to represent you in court or be with you in court. And you will make an *** out of yourself if you go to court and tell the judge that you think you know the law because someone from Yahoo told you so.
You can't use your son as a weapon against your husband. It is not healthy for your son. The courts will not deny him time with his son cause he has a girlfriend --- they quite literally do not care (he is right on that point). If you keep saying this and then try to stop him from seeing his son it could be a problem for you in court during custody part. Courts are becoming very sensitive to parents using their children against each other. Get a book on parenting through divorce --- it will explain this in more detail.Legal advice about divorce...?
Quit using your son as a bargaining chip. You're trying to control your soon to be ex by threatening him with not being able to see him. Wrong wrong wrong.
18 is the age of consent, and if he's dating someone of that age, you'll just have to get over it.
P.S. I'm sorry your marriage is splitting up, but he doesn't sound like someone I'd want to stay with anyway.
Don't make threats as they will backfire on you. It's painful when your ex is with someone you disapprove of, but unfortunately, that's life. If he's so caught up with a child, he may not be available to your son and may not keep current with scheduled visits. Then, you can say he's not complying with the court order. The court will question his desire to have a relationship with his son. You should only focus on HIS ability to parent, NOT who he spends his free time with.
It isn't up to you to prove if it's true or not. Its up to him to prove that it isn't true. Find a good family lawyer and file for divorce and just state the obvious to the lawyer and let them file the case, let your husband prove his innocence. But for now - if you can get hold of phone bills, credit card bills, anything that may incriminate him - by all means gather it.
Have you talked to a lawyer yet? If you haven't, you should find one to talk to. You can look in your phone book and call around (Look for divorce attorneys) and ask the receptionist if they do a free consultation. Most of them do but some charge money for the same service. Talk to the ones who don't charge-sometimes they will even talk to you over the phone. Talk to them about the situation and they will tell you what you can do. I had to do the same thing when my husband wanted a divorce.
That is called statutory rape... run that term by him,,, 17 will get you 20.... years...
Having a girlfriend does not ruin his chances of seeing his son. Just like if you got a boyfriend the court would not take custody away from you. If you want to divorce him (I recommend it) then file for divorce, ask the judge for a temporary custody order that will establish parenting time for both of you and order child support. You don't need to prove adultery to get a divorce. If you do keep him from seeing his son you can be messing up your chances of having primary custody because judges don't like parents who keep the child from the other parent, but don't wait on getting a temporary custody order because until you have one he could take his son and not give him back, you wouldn't be abe to do anything about it without a court order.
No matter what he does he has just as many rights as you do on your son. Your son is also his son and you can't change that. Their are two sides to every story and his counts too.
Yahoo is not the place to get legal advice. The only place you can get real advice is in an attorney's office. No one from Yahoo is going to represent you in court or be with you in court. And you will make an *** out of yourself if you go to court and tell the judge that you think you know the law because someone from Yahoo told you so.
Need advice for divorce?
I am married for 4 years to my wife Im from India and shes from Malaysia.We were not able to have a successful marriage as we were never able to be together in our four years of marriage except maybe once every year where we spent just about 20 days with each when we met.All in all we could have spent just 6 months together in totally in our 4 years of married life.I feel I have given this relationship enough time as I had a 3 year courting period with her so all in all I spend 7 years but im not happy with our marriage and whatever time we spend together we had lots of clashes but not domestic violence only difference of opinions.In our four years of married life we obviously could not think of having a baby because we were never there with each other for a long time
Recently in Oct 2007 I immigrated to Canada and got my PR status and so did she as we applied to Immigrate together as a Family.But after she got her PR she went back and now I really want to end this marriage as I don鈥檛Need advice for divorce?
You need to talk with a Canadian lawyer to get a divorce. Since she has her permanent status as well, I am sure there will not be much of a problem.
Make sure you discuss it with her before and get her feelings on it, so you will be able to tell your attorney how she feels, as well.
If she does not contest, you should have no problem with it, but I'm sure you will need an attorney.Need advice for divorce?
you need to find out what the requirements are for Canada and for your country when your spouse lives also out of the country.
Why did you get married in the first place if neither of you planned to live together?
Mail order brides never work out for the guy.
So what's your question?liquid eye liner
Recently in Oct 2007 I immigrated to Canada and got my PR status and so did she as we applied to Immigrate together as a Family.But after she got her PR she went back and now I really want to end this marriage as I don鈥檛Need advice for divorce?
You need to talk with a Canadian lawyer to get a divorce. Since she has her permanent status as well, I am sure there will not be much of a problem.
Make sure you discuss it with her before and get her feelings on it, so you will be able to tell your attorney how she feels, as well.
If she does not contest, you should have no problem with it, but I'm sure you will need an attorney.Need advice for divorce?
you need to find out what the requirements are for Canada and for your country when your spouse lives also out of the country.
Why did you get married in the first place if neither of you planned to live together?
Mail order brides never work out for the guy.
So what's your question?
Need advice on divorce?
my husband and i dont get alone we havent for a while we just cant break the habit but i cant stay like this he treats the children as if they are something he stepped in he never helps with them he walks in and starts shouting about the mess My oldest is a difficult child and requires lots of attention so my time is taken up with him and not house work but through this hard work he has improved greatly where his school teachers and specialists all see the improvement. all my husband sees is mess not the hard work you put into your children even when things are smooth and nearly up to scratch he moans he goes mad if i want to take the kids out for a day with my friends but he goes out with his friends he doesnt he moans that i spend all his money yet he cut my card up i feel trapped the thing is i dont know how to get out of this habit we have going on and he has never hit me he threatend to but never has i am frightened that he will try to take the children from me if we go helpNeed advice on divorce?
First of all, assumedly your oldest child is in school all day, so I am confused as to how that 'takes up all of your time' leaving you no time for housework.
Do you work outside the house? If so, then your husband should be much more helpful. If not, then you should be trying harder.
**************************************鈥?br>
Given your additional information, your husband is wrong. He needs to stay home for a few days and walk a mile in your shoes. Then he needs to change his whole attitude. Good luck.Need advice on divorce?
Lady, the handwriting is on the wall. This relationship is doomed. He is controlling you and you don't even realize it.
Youu sound really fed up and who could blame you. Make an appointment with the Citizens Advice Bureau and chat to someone there about your rights. I don't believe from what you've written that your husband wants the children, he just wants to make life more difficult for you. You don't say if you own your own house or it's a rented one, so it's difficult to advise on this, take all your paperwork to the CAB someone there will definitely be able to help you and advise if you can get a legal aid lawyer. Good luck.
hey think of all the child support, your a women work with that you got it made and don't know it
You need to get rid of the hubby. That'll solve 1/2 your problems right there.
just ask first yourself......if you are going to have divorce .....does it make things more smoothier and reduces your loads and heartaches....how about trying to talk to him while he is in a good mood......how about f u have divorce and you have sole custody on the children....of course or maybe u will receive some support from him....but i mean can u fulfill your kids needs.....running from differents school activities..academics and extra curricular activities....life without a husband or someone to help is quite hard....
or have you ask yourself....why my hubby acted like these?have you ever think if he is having an affair.....maybe he is not attracted to you anymore (sorry .. it hurts ) bcoz you neglect yourself already?and found someone else's warming and inviting arms....or he is tired of working.....if possible try to make an effort to give your marriage a sparkle.....try your very BEST to save it or else the kids will suffer... but IT NEEDS TWO TO TANGO...
I would make a plan and leave. He is controlling you. Mine started out that way and then the abuse came. I am in the process of leaving. it is not something you can do overnight. Make sure you have somewhere to go, and the children are safe. And when and if you decide to leave get a restraining order asking for custody of the children until you go to court.
Leave him! and DONT LOOK BACK ! He needs a lesson in RESPECT !
You've got to leave, you have no idea what effect your relationship and your partners behaviour is having on your children. I had problems with my ex and though we didn't row in front of the children the atmosphere was less than happy, when we split the relief was tangible we all relaxed and the children were much happier, and they got to spend quality time with their Dad, rather than seeing him sprawled over the sofa occasionally. He will not be able to take the children away from you, your obviously a very good Mum who wants the best for her children. Chances are that your oldest child will improve significantly if you are seperate parents. Best of luck to you, remember you and your children deserve better x
if you decide to leave, he won't take the kids... if he tries to keep the kids it's only because he does not want to pay child support... he complains about money now, wait until the divorce, lol! then he will really be broke... besides, no judge in their right mind will grant him custody... he never spends time w/ them! why doesn't he go out w/ you and the kids??? basically, you need to tell him it's either you AND the kids or his ';buddies';... a good husband and father is not out w/ his buddies... a good husband and father spends time w/ his wife and kids... you both need to sit down and talk about money spending... come to an agreement... take the kids out once a month instead of every week... (I don't know if you take them out every week)... and hubby needs to take you out w/o the kids, instead of going out w/ his buddies...!!! good luck... my husband stayed home w/ the kids while I worked a year ago, so can yours! if he doesn't, he's a whimp...
Wow, You should get out of this relationship ASAP. He doesn't sound like he loves you at all, or the kids. Consult a lawyer, everything you tell him he does at home and so forth will be used against him in court. But mind, they do ask the kids the same questions they will you about him. All the best. SOrry I couldn't have been more help.
First of all, assumedly your oldest child is in school all day, so I am confused as to how that 'takes up all of your time' leaving you no time for housework.
Do you work outside the house? If so, then your husband should be much more helpful. If not, then you should be trying harder.
**************************************鈥?br>
Given your additional information, your husband is wrong. He needs to stay home for a few days and walk a mile in your shoes. Then he needs to change his whole attitude. Good luck.Need advice on divorce?
Lady, the handwriting is on the wall. This relationship is doomed. He is controlling you and you don't even realize it.
Youu sound really fed up and who could blame you. Make an appointment with the Citizens Advice Bureau and chat to someone there about your rights. I don't believe from what you've written that your husband wants the children, he just wants to make life more difficult for you. You don't say if you own your own house or it's a rented one, so it's difficult to advise on this, take all your paperwork to the CAB someone there will definitely be able to help you and advise if you can get a legal aid lawyer. Good luck.
hey think of all the child support, your a women work with that you got it made and don't know it
You need to get rid of the hubby. That'll solve 1/2 your problems right there.
just ask first yourself......if you are going to have divorce .....does it make things more smoothier and reduces your loads and heartaches....how about trying to talk to him while he is in a good mood......how about f u have divorce and you have sole custody on the children....of course or maybe u will receive some support from him....but i mean can u fulfill your kids needs.....running from differents school activities..academics and extra curricular activities....life without a husband or someone to help is quite hard....
or have you ask yourself....why my hubby acted like these?have you ever think if he is having an affair.....maybe he is not attracted to you anymore (sorry .. it hurts ) bcoz you neglect yourself already?and found someone else's warming and inviting arms....or he is tired of working.....if possible try to make an effort to give your marriage a sparkle.....try your very BEST to save it or else the kids will suffer... but IT NEEDS TWO TO TANGO...
I would make a plan and leave. He is controlling you. Mine started out that way and then the abuse came. I am in the process of leaving. it is not something you can do overnight. Make sure you have somewhere to go, and the children are safe. And when and if you decide to leave get a restraining order asking for custody of the children until you go to court.
Leave him! and DONT LOOK BACK ! He needs a lesson in RESPECT !
You've got to leave, you have no idea what effect your relationship and your partners behaviour is having on your children. I had problems with my ex and though we didn't row in front of the children the atmosphere was less than happy, when we split the relief was tangible we all relaxed and the children were much happier, and they got to spend quality time with their Dad, rather than seeing him sprawled over the sofa occasionally. He will not be able to take the children away from you, your obviously a very good Mum who wants the best for her children. Chances are that your oldest child will improve significantly if you are seperate parents. Best of luck to you, remember you and your children deserve better x
if you decide to leave, he won't take the kids... if he tries to keep the kids it's only because he does not want to pay child support... he complains about money now, wait until the divorce, lol! then he will really be broke... besides, no judge in their right mind will grant him custody... he never spends time w/ them! why doesn't he go out w/ you and the kids??? basically, you need to tell him it's either you AND the kids or his ';buddies';... a good husband and father is not out w/ his buddies... a good husband and father spends time w/ his wife and kids... you both need to sit down and talk about money spending... come to an agreement... take the kids out once a month instead of every week... (I don't know if you take them out every week)... and hubby needs to take you out w/o the kids, instead of going out w/ his buddies...!!! good luck... my husband stayed home w/ the kids while I worked a year ago, so can yours! if he doesn't, he's a whimp...
Wow, You should get out of this relationship ASAP. He doesn't sound like he loves you at all, or the kids. Consult a lawyer, everything you tell him he does at home and so forth will be used against him in court. But mind, they do ask the kids the same questions they will you about him. All the best. SOrry I couldn't have been more help.
Mature advice on divorce?
I have been married for 30 years. Kids are grown up and no further responsibilities. Arranged marriage, but we did not get aling from day one. My wife's mother was always dominating and abusing her husband. That may have caused his early death. Her mother did the same to her husband. Three generations of women who tormented their husbands. I really do not know how to get out of this marriage. I have already transferred a large part of my properties in her name in the hope that this would give her security and reason enough to part with me amicably. I am looking for:
(a) Advice from the group.
(b) Any Legal remedies
(c) Any sites on the web which could be of help.Mature advice on divorce?
Even though you had negatives moments in your marriage, i'm guessing you have had lots of positives too. Focus on the positives and try to restore your marriage from their. You shouldn't be ashamed or too proud to seek counseling. I would suggest a good Christian counselor or pastor who knows how the institution of marriage as it was intended to be. Don't be another statistic and run away. Try to make it work, don't take the easy way out. No body wins like that. I know you think your wife is the problem, but there are always two sides to every story. Don't forget to take a look at yourself and see if there are any ways you can improve that might make your wife want to improve as well. Don't hide behind the pathetic excuse that she is genetically a bad wife. Don't run away!Mature advice on divorce?
your parents do not have any more control over you. They cannot force you to stay with your wife if you are so unhappy. You can try marriage counseling or talk to a counselor yourself for advice. You can also talk to your lawyer or a divorce lawyer about the legal things. Hope it works out.
THERE IS NO NEED OF DIVORCE. DO NOT STAY WITH HER LIVE SEPARATELY.
www.divorcepapers.com
This is an old habit and will die hard. Only a catastrophe may be able to change her view point. But let us hope it happens and she changes for the good. Divorce is a solution, but should be tried only when all other avenues are closed. And stop transferring any thing in her name. Gaining property will make her head high.
MAN UP. If you are being mentally abused just do like the women do and FILL FOR DIVORCE. Don't transfer anything to her. Let her get her own.
daughters may not be like mothers always.
u might be havinh some different ideas otherwise basing upon ur minlaw u will not div.
You obviously don't live in America, but if your wife is abusing you like her mother and grandmother did their husbands, then that in and of itself is grounds for a divorce in most places. Other than that just file for a divorce using whatever legal means you have wherever you live. Surely there is something that will allow you to end a loveless marriage. Good luck.
The only thing I can say is it sounds like you care about her but that's as far as it goes, get a decent attorney and file for divorce there is not much more you can do just try to not let it get ugly.
If you are unhappy then you need to leave her. Don't wait around and waste more of your life on someone you do not love. You deserve to be happy and you deserve real love. Of course if you are not in the united states then I don't know if my advice is any help. I know that cultures are different and sometimes just leaving is easier said than done. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.
I suggest that you do a Google search under ';divorce'; and that will help you out as to what you need to do.
Being a man does not mean that you deserve to be abused. Man or women, abuse is wrong! I don't know how you stayed in a marriage for 30 years to someone you didn't love or get along with. All you do is tell her you want a divorce and start the procedings to do so. Get yourself a lawyer and leave. Your lawyer will help you with the legal part of dividing property.
I hope you have tried a marrage counselor first before you try any thing else. If that does not help you may contact the ';bar assoc'; for a good lawyer.
Please try at least one of the 2 links in hopes that there is some infor that will save your marrage
If you and your wife live on opposite poles, I guess there is no other way to get out of the mess except filing for a divorce on grounds of incompatibility. It would be quicker and easier if the divorce was filed mutually. If you go it alone and she opposes, you might get it eventually, but its sure going to be time consuming. I'm not sure about websites, but you could look for the ones offering legal aid or find the answer in Yahoo! Answers itself, from someone else who knows about it.
look at it like a prison sentence, you did your time , so now get out! don't give her anything else. bad behaviour should not be rewarded. think only of yourself now, and make yourself happy in the time you have left on earth. if she hasn't made you happy in 30 years, she never will. you deserve happiness, but it is in your hands to take your happiness. no one will give it to you.
well if you dont want to be the next man in the grave by this ruthless family of women then you need to get a good a ttorny and file for divorce or at least a legal seperation.If she wont be reasonable there is not much you can do about it but you can still divorce her no matter if she wants it or not.Get free and live life while you still can.Good Luck
Get yourself a good attorney. I am glad you are smart enough to end the generational dysfunction. Just be sure she doesn't take all your money and property. Protect eewhat you NEED financially because she could clean you out. And don't count of it being amicable. There, will be stress and hurt. You can make it through it this and you will find peace eventually.
I have been through this myself. And I had to keep strong.
Be secure in your resolve to have the divorice. I am wondering if you live in the States. Because arrangmed marriages rarely happen here.
First thing is to get a good attorney who will not only help you preceed with the divorice but also protect the assets that you wil need for your future.
I wish you the best.
the first thing everyone would ask would be what did you do all these 30 years when she was abuseing you ?? you have spent the major part of your life with her and now why are you divorceing her ? Do nont transefer your property in her name because she doesnt have any right on it asper indian law. You got to create evidence on her cruelty to you which you should prove in the court of law. Start recording the conversation with her , keep all the letters written by her which will help you in proveing the same. if possible try to get a video recording to be done. this all you should have done well before 30 years . any ways this is what you have to prove in order to get a divorce.
(a) Advice from the group.
(b) Any Legal remedies
(c) Any sites on the web which could be of help.Mature advice on divorce?
Even though you had negatives moments in your marriage, i'm guessing you have had lots of positives too. Focus on the positives and try to restore your marriage from their. You shouldn't be ashamed or too proud to seek counseling. I would suggest a good Christian counselor or pastor who knows how the institution of marriage as it was intended to be. Don't be another statistic and run away. Try to make it work, don't take the easy way out. No body wins like that. I know you think your wife is the problem, but there are always two sides to every story. Don't forget to take a look at yourself and see if there are any ways you can improve that might make your wife want to improve as well. Don't hide behind the pathetic excuse that she is genetically a bad wife. Don't run away!Mature advice on divorce?
your parents do not have any more control over you. They cannot force you to stay with your wife if you are so unhappy. You can try marriage counseling or talk to a counselor yourself for advice. You can also talk to your lawyer or a divorce lawyer about the legal things. Hope it works out.
THERE IS NO NEED OF DIVORCE. DO NOT STAY WITH HER LIVE SEPARATELY.
www.divorcepapers.com
This is an old habit and will die hard. Only a catastrophe may be able to change her view point. But let us hope it happens and she changes for the good. Divorce is a solution, but should be tried only when all other avenues are closed. And stop transferring any thing in her name. Gaining property will make her head high.
MAN UP. If you are being mentally abused just do like the women do and FILL FOR DIVORCE. Don't transfer anything to her. Let her get her own.
daughters may not be like mothers always.
u might be havinh some different ideas otherwise basing upon ur minlaw u will not div.
You obviously don't live in America, but if your wife is abusing you like her mother and grandmother did their husbands, then that in and of itself is grounds for a divorce in most places. Other than that just file for a divorce using whatever legal means you have wherever you live. Surely there is something that will allow you to end a loveless marriage. Good luck.
The only thing I can say is it sounds like you care about her but that's as far as it goes, get a decent attorney and file for divorce there is not much more you can do just try to not let it get ugly.
If you are unhappy then you need to leave her. Don't wait around and waste more of your life on someone you do not love. You deserve to be happy and you deserve real love. Of course if you are not in the united states then I don't know if my advice is any help. I know that cultures are different and sometimes just leaving is easier said than done. I hope everything works out for you. Take care.
I suggest that you do a Google search under ';divorce'; and that will help you out as to what you need to do.
Being a man does not mean that you deserve to be abused. Man or women, abuse is wrong! I don't know how you stayed in a marriage for 30 years to someone you didn't love or get along with. All you do is tell her you want a divorce and start the procedings to do so. Get yourself a lawyer and leave. Your lawyer will help you with the legal part of dividing property.
I hope you have tried a marrage counselor first before you try any thing else. If that does not help you may contact the ';bar assoc'; for a good lawyer.
Please try at least one of the 2 links in hopes that there is some infor that will save your marrage
If you and your wife live on opposite poles, I guess there is no other way to get out of the mess except filing for a divorce on grounds of incompatibility. It would be quicker and easier if the divorce was filed mutually. If you go it alone and she opposes, you might get it eventually, but its sure going to be time consuming. I'm not sure about websites, but you could look for the ones offering legal aid or find the answer in Yahoo! Answers itself, from someone else who knows about it.
look at it like a prison sentence, you did your time , so now get out! don't give her anything else. bad behaviour should not be rewarded. think only of yourself now, and make yourself happy in the time you have left on earth. if she hasn't made you happy in 30 years, she never will. you deserve happiness, but it is in your hands to take your happiness. no one will give it to you.
well if you dont want to be the next man in the grave by this ruthless family of women then you need to get a good a ttorny and file for divorce or at least a legal seperation.If she wont be reasonable there is not much you can do about it but you can still divorce her no matter if she wants it or not.Get free and live life while you still can.Good Luck
Get yourself a good attorney. I am glad you are smart enough to end the generational dysfunction. Just be sure she doesn't take all your money and property. Protect eewhat you NEED financially because she could clean you out. And don't count of it being amicable. There, will be stress and hurt. You can make it through it this and you will find peace eventually.
I have been through this myself. And I had to keep strong.
Be secure in your resolve to have the divorice. I am wondering if you live in the States. Because arrangmed marriages rarely happen here.
First thing is to get a good attorney who will not only help you preceed with the divorice but also protect the assets that you wil need for your future.
I wish you the best.
the first thing everyone would ask would be what did you do all these 30 years when she was abuseing you ?? you have spent the major part of your life with her and now why are you divorceing her ? Do nont transefer your property in her name because she doesnt have any right on it asper indian law. You got to create evidence on her cruelty to you which you should prove in the court of law. Start recording the conversation with her , keep all the letters written by her which will help you in proveing the same. if possible try to get a video recording to be done. this all you should have done well before 30 years . any ways this is what you have to prove in order to get a divorce.
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