He did agree to attend counseling with me - we attended our first session yesterday and we go again next week. We are also going to attend church on Sunday so I suppose all is not lost yet.
However, I realize I need to protect myself, but here is the problem. I just finished my 2-year degree, but I have no job (have been looking this week but no calls yet). I have no way to support myself, I have no solid friendships to offer me support. I'm lost.
I want to work on my marriage because I hate to think that the last 8-1/2 years (plus 2 more with dating) have just gone down the tubes.
I guess this is more of a rant than a question, I apologize, but if anyone has any advice or if you have experienced the same thing, please comment.My husband wants a divorce - any advice?
Try and stick with your vows. Its not so much you if you are going to make an effort to make things work, but HE needs to realize that HE made those vows and commitment to YOU as well.
Good Luck
By the way, I was in the same boat here not long ago, if you want e-mail me to chat/listen.....My husband wants a divorce - any advice?
I went trough the same, but sadly now i'm divorce after 11 years of marriage.
One thing in your favor is the willing of your husband to go to counseling, which mine didn't want to.
Try to work thing out, but also be prepare for a bad outcome, if everything works out things will be better, but if not going to counseling will help both of you to end it in good terms.
Try to work on your marriage because that is what you made your vows for
';I know that I have not always been the easiest person to deal with.';
So have you changed? Or are you looking back and now you're admitting that there's a problem because he wants a divorce? Are you willing to be more amicable and easier to deal with?
';He says that he wants to be able to do more things and have more financial freedom.';
Ask him for specifics - what are the more things that he wants - does he feel like it is ';his turn'; for school or some other endeavor? What does he mean by financial freedom? Is he tired of being the breadwinner while you enjoy school and lean on him for the money?
';He said he has felt this way for a while and never told me. ';
Are you really committed to listening to his concerns and not nagging? Are you willing to hear what he has to say and come to compromises? Are you ready to hear what the counselor says, even if he or she says that everything is your fault and it is YOU that needs to change in order for the marriage to survive?
Go into counseling with both eyes open. From what I understand, only about 1/3 of those who go into counseling are able to resolve their differences.
As to your other comment about the last 8+1/2 years having gone down the tubes -- be thankful for them. They are part of your life - they have not been wasted, it just that the end isn't what you had hoped it would be. You were able to get your associates degree and build the first part of your foundation for yourself.
So I guess a bigger question is: What does he mean by saying he wants 'to do more' and 'have more financial freedom'? Have you put up boundaries which have separated your husband from his friends? Do you limit how he spends his money? After all, if he has been the only source of income and has also provided you with an education, why are you limiting how he spends his money? I realize there is more to it than this -- but just want to get you thinking in a way that you could see things from his viewpoint.
Do you think your marriage is suffering because you spent a lot of time finishing your degree. Does your husband feel neglected like you spent most of your time with school and not on him? I think marriage counseling is a good ideal and maybe it can help you figure out whats wrong in your marriage. He still loves you because he would have walked out the door when he told you he wanted a divorce. If you love him keep trying but if he thinks he wants to be on his own then let go because it will only cause both of you pain. I know going through the same thing myself.
I am confused. If you ';just'; finished your degree you are just at the point where things will start improving financially. Is it possible that there is more to it than the financial part?
Have you been making an effort to be a good wife? Seriously, you know what makes him happy, have you been making an effort to make him happy, show him that his pleasure is important to you? Because I never minded supporting my wife because she was great to me. She was nice, and kind and loving and yes sexually generous and so for 19 years I supported her and our 3 kids. She and I now co-run a business for the last year.
I think it's cool that he's agreed to go to counseling with you and all, but when a couple reaches that point it usually ends in divorce. I think you need to hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. If you haven't been working at all during your marriage then you will qualify for alimony and that will ';help'; you when you get divorced. Keep looking for a job, find other ways to start becoming more independent because if he says that he just doesn't love you the same anymore, then I highly doubt that's going to change. Good Luck!
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