I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?

ok well we have been together for about 3 yrs married for 1 and have an 11 month old baby. Ever since we got together he had a problem with drinking. Not bad. now he got worse, when his friends come over they find an excuse to leave and end up coming home at 4 5 6 in the morning drunk and with no more money. I have just had about enough. I am not happy like this. I know I deserve better I take really good care of our daughter i cook i clean i wash. I'm just so scared of divorce, but I can't stand living with someone who keeps putting me through all those sleepless nights. Please give me some advice.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
You and the child deserve better. Tell him the two of you need to get into couples counseling immediately, or he'll need to get a lawyer because divorce is the other option.





Not only is that situation not healthy for you (mentally or emotionally) but it's not a happy environment to raise a child in either. He needs to learn where his priorities should be...or he can send you a child support check each month.





Best wishes he pulls his head out of his azz before you two have to leave to find a better life.I need some advice please???? Divorce or forgive him? we have a 11 month old baby.?
Have you tried talking to your husband about it? It's a tough situation when you two have a kid together and a divorce comes in mind but what has to be done has to be done.





The best I can give you is to sit down and talk to him and see his response and how he's going to react. If it keeps up, then probably consider that divorce.
Thats tough. You need to think about your daughter right now. Is she safe in the household? I believe heavily in marriage but your daughter has to be safe, he needs to seek help. Ask him to. Tell him your thinking about leaving, and say he is hurting his daughter and your marriage with his actions. If he truly cares he will stop. I'm sure his daughter means a lot to him. If not then whats the use? Follow your motherly instinct. Good luck!
You need Al-Anon, for you, very desperately. Look online for a group near you, and please give it a chance.





Don't expect that he is going to change, however. All you can control is you and your actions - and since he was drinking from the start (why did you marry him and have a kid when you knew he was a drinker?) it is exceedingly unlikely he will change. And you are messing up not just your life, but your baby's as well.
I know divorce sounds horrible but at the same time, he is not being responsible. If you don't put your foot down and threaten to leave, then he'll never change. If your not happy, then neither will your child be. What kind of example is he setting for the baby? It sounds like he needs to join AA.
Do you want to raise your children with a drunk? If not, time to move on.
Ask him to go to AA meetings, or get consoling, or you might have to part ways
i think u should dump the dood!,take your bby w/ you and get a divorce
6 months ago you asked the same...6 months from now you will ask again...just leave him now and move on....stop wasting your time and our time....
I presume you're young and he's still partying; don't give up. A key thing is he is going out and drinking with friends; he has more issues with responsibility than with alcoholism.





Many young couples just don't know how to handle the changes and responsibilities of new parenthood while also maintaining their relationship. As a new mother you see him failing as a father. As a new father he sees you failing as a wife.





You can read about half of the book in the source online with a bn account. It's marriage-counseling written down.


You are the one that wants change so the onus of change in on you.


Don't do ';nothing'; and expect things to get better.





Go read all about the divorces laws in your state and read about the custody laws. In your situation you are basically guaranteed custody. If you have a home and you have a decent lawyer you will be able to buy him out (since you will have custody.)


Then read about the child-support laws; you'll get roughly 25% of his check for one child.


It should help reduce some anxiety about it once you have a decent idea how it will all shake out should it come to that.


If you do divorce, you will have to do everything yourself.


Objectively, anything he does now makes you life better.





';50/50'; marriages end. It is not practical and creates a sentiment of expectation they will ';pull their weight';. That means you *take for granted* the 50% (or however much) they do instead of appreciating what they contribute.





Many young fathers respond with denial and distancing as their sexy girlfriends are suddenly mothers and completely occupied with the baby.


It's not ';fair'; but the reality is you have to rope him back into the relationship and if you take a 'baby comes first' attitude towards everything then the marriage is going to end.





Once you accept divorce as a final outcome you need to have a serious conversation with your husband.


Tell him you don't want a divorce and you are willing to work on your marriage but he has to be willing to work on it as well and that means changing the way he spends his time. Commit six-months to a year working to make things better. Set-backs and false-starts happen; keep at it.





If he refuses then it's time for divorce.


Negotiate for change.


Love is an action verb - a choice; if you actively love each the feelings follow.





Every major religion in the world says the marriage comes first.


Food for thought.
First the person that said get him to eat bread is a dork. That is a MYTH!! it doesnt help only time can sober you up. But to answer the question if he doesnt get the help he needs you should leave and still support him in rehab when he choses to take it because your daughter needs to know her daddy if he is a daddy and not just someone who fathered a child. Make you and your daughter's life stable that is all you can do. What he does is out of your hands..
These are not your only 2 options. Generally, people need to hit ROCK bottom before giving up drinking, but it's not an overnight process. You need to attend some AA meetings for spouses %26amp; get some good info %26amp; support.





You also need to leave or separate yourself from him - either he moves out or you do. No need to divorce just yet - but you cannot be subject to this %26amp; more importantly - neither should your daughter.





On another note, if you got together with him even when you KNEW he had a drinking problem, you should get some therapy yourself to find out why you settled for this kind of life. Otherwise your daughter will make the same poor choice you did instead of finding a real healthy loving relationship. Get out for her sake, go to AA %26amp; start there.
You shouldnt stay with someone that your not happy with. Think about yourself and your beautiful baby. My mother stayed with my father and he kept doing the same mean things over and over again when she forgave him each time. They are now divorced. She is happier now though and they were together for years. I had to go through their divorce when i got older ( 19 ) .. Three weeks ago this happened. But I went through them fighting and my dads problems I would have to see everyday. Dont leave it too late if your not happy do whats best for you and your child.


Good Luck.
He is married to his work and now he needs to realize if he wants kids , there is not too much time left but a good woman is what he needs to understand him ., Hes far more educated in the ways of this world and therefore ,maybe hes lost the reality of loving a partner and maybe this is all he needs . He needs to find someone who cherishes marriage and wants a lifetime together but most of all someone he trust . In His position this is #1 . I understand this.
I know how you feel, partially.





Try asking him the all or nothing question, ';You can choose, your beer, or your daughter?';





You should also tell him that it's fine to have a drink every now and then, but it's not good to get drunk constantly.





You should try talking him into getting the beers with low alcohol.





Maybe you can find some really great drinks that he might be interested in, like smoothies, or a certain pop.





And if he gets drunk, try to get him to eat as much bread as possible, because it absorbs the alcohol.
I have an alcoholic father. Not only does it add stress to the household, but it also creates a financial problem when then funds run low, his drinking gets worse and he starts to ';drink up'; money needed for bills and baby necessities. It is not good for your baby to have a father with an expensive addiction. Her needs are more important than alcohol.


If I were you, I would tell him that he needs to attend an AA meeting and admit that he has a problem. If he refuses to do this, then he is refusing to seek help and therefore his problem can (and will) get worse as the years go on. If he refuses to seek help, threaten to leave him. If that doesn't ';wake him up';, then leave him.
Well you don't want your baby growing up looking at a drunken father.


Sit down with him when he is sober and in attentive mood and tell him you are not happy with the way he is carrying on.


He is a husband/dad now and needs to be responsible.


Tell him you will leave if he keeps it up and follow through with your threat if he ignores you.


What he is doing is binge drinking and it will only get worse. If it continues leave for a while, go stay with family or a friend just to let him know you mean business. If that is not enough for him to change his ways then get out now.