The advice I'm asking for is should I get a seperation first and then try for a divorce and take my daughter?I dont want her to turnout like her Mother.Need advice on divorce?
this is really hard, your needs are not being met. you have one life and you have to be happy, you seem very unhappy! at this point i would talk to her about a seperation and see how that works out for you. you are allowed a legal seperation but if you are planning to have custody of your kids, it is your best interest to stay in the house with them. You deserve someone that will give you the same time and love that you are giving.Need advice on divorce?
you'd have to prove her unfit, or negigent. (I think most judges will keep girls with their mothers especially at that age, unless the mother is unfit,etc...) It may just be your opinion that she shouldn't be like her mother. We don't know your situation. In some states, cheating does not make an ';unfit'; mother. (and ....my father raised us, so don't think I'm just on the mothers side)
Well, if you're concerned about your daughter, why don't you work things out with your wife and skip the divorce. If you have to live the next 9 years suffering SILENTLY, or if you have to go to counseling, et al, I'm sure your daughter would appreciate it.
Divorce has become far too easy and it seems many people make it the first option instead of the last resort, which is especially heinous when you have children.
Obviously you didn't define ';bad marriage'; but short of her coming at you with a kitchen knife every night, I'm not sure how much is 'too much' to put up with for the sake of your daughter's emotional health.
It takes a year for a divorce to be final. You will have a year to work out the logistics. Getting your daughter is going to be hard as courts do not favor fathers as sole custodians. My ex husband and I have 50/50 custody of our 9 year old daughter, she likes it this way. One week at my house one week at his.......good luck.
OK,
Have you tried counseling? If yes, then it is time to look at other options. God doesn't like divorce/Separation but if an earnest effort has been made to reconcile than move on. The road is a tough journey. The kids are a large factor and you have had 7 years to think about this. Pray to God for answers. Trust me everyone has problems so don't get upset at some of the answers and many people are critics. Just pray hard and seek the advice also of a good counselor. I just happen to be surfing this site and found your question.
I CAN GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE BUT NEED MORE INFO WHAT STATE THE LAWS ARE DIFFERENT IN SOME STATES I'VE BEEN WERE YOU ARE YOU CAN CONTACT ME PRIVATE IF YOU WANT
My advice... do not divorce.
It will bad for your daughter... maybe not in the short time.
Keep your marriage well.
Talk to your partner.
Wow- If your wife has an education like you do it is no wonder that they are not learning anything. You should really check your grammar and spelling before posting something like that.
Also, If you gave permission for you wife to be with your children all day every day how can you possibly say that she is not good enough for your kids now that you have decided for a divorce? It seems like a double standard to me.
If you don't fight then the divorce should be easily mediated. You will get plenty of time with your daughter as should your wife.
Sorry but you didn't state what the problem was in your marriage. However, the first thing you might want to consider is to back off on bringing your 9 year old into the mix of your bad marriage. This is big people stuff, not something she needs to worry about. If her mother is abusive, or abusing alcohol or drugs or anything that makes the home an unsafe place for the family by all means please 'man up' and do the right thing and take your daughter and get the heck out of there. Or call the police and have her removed and get a protection order.
Otherwise if your wife is just a B**ch and you don't like her anymore, then you both need to sit down and decide the best thing for both of you and MOSTLY for your child. The best thing we can do for our children is to give them the example of a loving home.
whether you file for legal separation or divorce is a personal decision.
The ONLY thing I will comment on is your statement that you wanted to 'take' your daughter.
NEITHER parent has the right to take a child from the other. That's why a court has jurisdiction over a divorce.
Also, what the child wants is irrelevant except in Georgia, where, by statute, a child of 14 has the legal right to choose which parent to live with.
Therefore, I would stronly suggest you seek the advice of a local attorney. Any other advice is meaningless.
No.Take your daughter,and get a divorce.No reason to prolong this and it would be best for your daughter if you didn't drag this out.Your daughter has already spoke up and she needs you.Don't leave her behind.Fight for her.
Your wife, from what you say, seems very involved in your daughter's life and very controlling. I wouldn't think she would just ';let'; you take your daughter. Try counseling, church intervention, anything. Divorce is not going to be fun. The best thing you can do is keep your family involved in church and encourage communication. It's hard when you aren't communicating to your marriage partner. It is a relationship that was created to be so wonderful.
My advice to you, is if u are to a point that u cant handle being married anymore and your willing to risk everything to get a divorce then go.. cause u are risking it all.. U could very well lose custody to the wife, then u will only see ur children a few days a month.. then eventually she will remarry or have bf's and they will have a new ';father role'; model in the house.. and this happens , are u prepared for that to be a very good possibility? Im not trying to talk u out of leaving im just trying to put a very realistic view on your situation. You could very well go from seeing your children every day, kissing them goodnight.. being a full time dad, thats always being there for them, to a dad that only see's his children 4 to 6 days a month.. and in the best of circumstances, children from a broken home will suffer damage to their psyche ..that will carry on through their adult lives.. abandonment issues, trust issues, insecurity issues, self esteem issues , etc.. They ultimately pay the price of their parents making poor decisions.. and as much as u feel the mother is not exactly healthy for the children ie ';i dont want her to turn out like her mother'; , she is still their mom, and they will love her, just as they will love you.. but usually there is a harsh emotional detachment from the non-custodial parent because of the fact that they only see their parent a few days here and there.. Can u handle the fact that u may lose custody, and only see them a couple days a month? Can u handle her moving on and finding someone new and constantly hearing them talk about what wonderful things the new bf /husband does with them, things u cant do because ur not there? Can u handle the possibility of your children growing so attached to another man and calling them dad.?? because it does happen.. If u can handle all of these things with out any remorse or spite.. then ur ready to risk it all..
My advice to u as far as custody.. dont leave your house with out the kids, not even for a trial seperation.. if u leave ur kids behind with her, she will win custody only because a judge hates taking them out of a stable home with out extreme proof of being unfit, (and home schooling wont be seen as a reason for her to be unfit) and if u cant prove with out a shadow of a doubt that she's unfit, then u will lose if they are already living with her at that point.. and at 9 the courts wont ask her who she wants to live with.. usually a court wont take that into account until they are atleast 12 ..
Good luck in whatever u choose.. but realize your happiness.. results in a life time of confusion and sadness upon your children.. so its your choice ur happiness for u making a poor decision in choice of a wife, or your childrens unhappiness for your poor choice in a wife.. but ultimately the decision is yours..
try to get a separation first. do not apply for divorce right now upto your daughter's marriage.
You have moral grounds for divorce if your wife was unfaithful, only. For other severe problems, you should separate.
Liberals won't understand a word of this, as they believe in revolving door marriages, whatever feels good and they're as dumb as hell.
You have told us astoundingly little here. Your daughter's word means something...how honest are you? What is the whole story (you've really said nothing)? What is a ';bad marriage';?
You could ABSOLUTELY get custody of your daughter in a divorce. Fathers are getting more and more rights where their kids are concerned, and at that age, the judge may take your daughters wishes into consideration. You don't have to prove your wife unfit, just that you could provide a more stable home for your daughter. Have a plan though. Know where you will live, she needs her own bedroom obviously, have a sitter or a friend lined up to watch her for any time after school that you wouldn't be home from work yet. Know who her doctor is, who her teachers and friends are. The more you know about your daughter, the better off you'll be. And if you need to start keeping track of things your wife is doing or saying that is not setting a good example for your child, write them down and keep a journal, and take it to court with you. There are also lawyers out there who specialize in fathers rights.
If you seriously don't want the influence of the mother around, you should go to family court and request full custody. Go for the divorce. Why seperate when you know you don't want to be with her?
**** me
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