We will be married for 1 year on December 12th. I love my husband, but he and I just aren't the same anymore.
We've French kissed 1 time in the past 4 months at least. We only make love when he wants to. When we are on the phone a majority of the time is spend either in silence or bickering at one another. That is what we have turned into.
When we met we made love all the time sometimes 3 times a day.
We also rushed a lot of things; we've been together for a total of 2 years this December. We have a beautiful little girl, she is 9 months old.
I love him, and I don't want to be without him but I just feel like maybe we are not in love with each other anymore.
I've gained some weight since we've been together and since I have had the baby. I was 125 pound when we met and now I am 170 pounds. I feel like a lot of this weight is my depression of supporting our family (I'm the money maker in our relationship) and not having a husband that wants to touch me.
I don't really know what to do about this...
I told him that if we don't start having sex on a regular basis and if I don't see a change of how things are that we may have to have a trial seperation... I said that in hopes that maybe he will try. I have told him before that it hurts me the lack of love making and passion between us and nothing has changed so I felt like maybe it is what I have to do.Possible Divorce.... Need advice.... Did I do the right thing?
i'm going to be honest maybe your weight gain has caused him to lose attraction to you. love is a choice. you need to ask him if he still finds you sexually attractive and have him be honest with you. and if he says no then you need to work on that. first let him do the talking with out either one of you arguing. talk like adults.
then you tell him what your needs are. again TALK like adults.
once both of you have let the necessities off your chest work on them as a team.
but do not only blame him for all of the relationships problems.
best of luck Possible Divorce.... Need advice.... Did I do the right thing?
Unless the two of you sit down and have a REAL heart-to-heart talk, and get the problems out in the open so you can deal with them, this marriage is doomed to fail. You don't know why he feels and acts like he does towards you, and that will eat at you like cancer, until you find out, so at least you can work on solving the problems.
MArrige counsling
See if he is willing to go to a marriage counselor? If he is not willing to try and work on this marriage, then that should tell you, that you can't do this by yourself. Then you have to face the fact, it is no way to get to him. You have to move on, for you. You deserve to be happy, even if you have to be by yourself. Read books on self esteem, and start to work on yourself. Pray, it works!
Dear T. W.
Your doing all the right things by communicating. Be careful that you can back up what you say. If you are going to leave find a place or someone to stay with don't just leave without any friends or nowhere to go, secure a separate bank account first, especially with i child in the pic....Even though I am a man I went through much the same as you...I was a stay home dad for eight years with chronically ill kids...What ever you do take care of yourself and your heart first that way you will be able to care for your child.
Usually the woman in the relationship is the one who keeps the family unit together. Men are usually the ones who think abstractly while the women thinks with her emotions. We have more of the compassion and passion. That's why we can have kids. Wonder how populated the world would be if men were to push a seven pounder out of a small, itsy bitsy area. Men want to get off work and sit and watch tv...He wants to be the prowler of the house. The little woman needs to do the mundane stuff. I know that this is making us look as if we play the role of the little woman, but in reality we are the ones who know how to keep the family together. What you need to realize is that it's up to you to teach hubby and you how to talk differently on the phone, in person and in public. It's up to you to teach hubby how to communicate. You guys need to learn how to say...I am upset right now, lets talk after we have had a cool down time. If this marriage is worth saving, then it will be up to you to learn how to save it and start making changes.
Why not do the seperation thing. It seems to me you both need to be away from each other. Are you nagging him about the house cleanliness or anything?
Try and diet while you are seperated. If you lose weight and he wants sex again then he is not in love with you. My wife and I are 13 years in and we have both been over weight. It did affect the sex style. Like no lights on and few changes in position but we still wanted each other just as much.
First of all Please lose weight for YOURSELF. It will make you happier %26amp; feel better about your self to stand alone. You can stand alone in a marriage as well as out of one. Being depressed about weight will only add pounds I know. Get a Dr's help if you need You are worth it.125-170 is not that big of a weight gain. Don't nag about sex if it's just sex %26amp; not love. Why would you even want to force someone to have sex?
There are great books to help a marriage if you can't afford counselor's.
Jimmy %26amp; Karen have a program on DYSTR Satellite TV offering tools for an ideal marriage. Sex alone does not make a good marriage
Sometimes it isn't easy to give more than you get but in the end it's better than nothing. Like they say nothing ventured nothing gained.
Try %26amp; be loving even if you don't feel like it.
And if you are the money maker in the family that should give you self esteem not an ';you owe me now'; thing. That would be a turn off for your husband for starters. Work on you even though you may feel it's not you, %26amp; know he probably feels it's not he either.. Someone %26amp; somethings gotta give.
What I missed 1st is Turn to God %26amp; ask for help Pray if you can.It'll help you through this turmoil.
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