Ok yes divorce is the only answer so how do i prepare myself? Anyone with divorce experince, advice?

There's no hope for my 7 year marriage i know it he knows it I'm just scared. I am a mother of two now a stay at home mother going to college. I don't want my kids to have anything but the obvious changed for them, so I am looking for a job to fix the income issue. But what advice does anyone have for a woman like myself who is 27 with two kids and preparing for a divorce. I may sound terrible to men out there but my kids are everything and I don't' want them to have to suffer anymore than they will..Ok yes divorce is the only answer so how do i prepare myself? Anyone with divorce experince, advice?
It's best if the two of you work out child support, visitation schedule and remain friendly for the sake of the kids even if your attorney's are urging you to get all you can from your ex. If the adults start sniping at each other it's going to be harder on the kids. Sign the kids up for Big Brothers %26amp; Big Sisters. Make sure to have a meeting with the school counselor, principal and teachers so they know whats going on. They could help you monitor your childrens potential problems at school. The kids could also benefit from some family counseling...with and without your soon to be ex. It's important that the kids know they weren't the cause of the divorce and that mom %26amp; dad will still be there for them. Don't play them against the other parent by asking them to spy or asking questions about your spouse (is dad seeing someone?). Get your feet on the ground solidly under you (job, daycare if appropriate, house or apartment, savings for emergencies) before dating, be honest with the kids about dating, be honest with the guys you date (yes I have 2 wonderful kids but right now I'm looking to meet new people, not to get immediatley into a relationship) and tell your ex your dating. Try to treat your ex as a not so close friend--don't confide everything but don't hide things either. If he's willing, keep him involved in the normal 'family' things.





When I divorced, I tried to keep my ex's family involved in the kids' lives. They chose to close the kids out as did my ex. He didn't pay chld support and didn't see them. For 16 to18 years, I bit my tongue when they kids asked about dad. My standard line was ';remember when you were little, how dad was always at work? I think he's still working a lot of hours';. Ultimately it paid off. When he contacted them after 17 years of no contact and told them I prevented him from seeing them or talking to him, the kids knew it for the lie it was. My oldest daughter wrote a scathing 2 page latter to her father that she handed to him after court, telling him he had no right to refer to himself as father, that he himself proved what a jerk he was, that mom was both parents and was there whenever they needed anything, that mom was the one who took care of sick kids, cars, etc. She told him that I was her hero and that there wasn't anything I couldn't do and that he should be ashamed of himself for neglecting his responsibilities and that from this point forward, he was never going to be thought of again. (Made me cry to read how much she defended me) I never in all those years said anything about my ex unless the kids asked and my answers were vague to protect them. They knew the truth and nothing he would say or do could persuade them to consider his viewpoint since he himself proved he didn't care--no phone calls, letters or visits in almost 18 years proved it more clearly than his feeble attempts to win them to his side.Ok yes divorce is the only answer so how do i prepare myself? Anyone with divorce experince, advice?
Sorry but the kids are going to suffer, there is just no way to avoid it. You are talking about turning their whole world upside down. One very important rule that you must always obey, force yourself to, do not ever talk bad about or lambast the other parent in front of them. The kids only know that they love you both, so if one parent or the other is being attacked, they will naturally gravitate to that parent.
Rule #1: NEVER talk down their father.


Rule #2: The divorce is between the two of you, not them. NEVER talk to him THROUGH your kids.


Rule #3: The kids come first.


Rule #4: The kids come first.


Rule #5: The kids come first.





If you both work hard to love them to bits, not only will they be better, the two of you will learn to live in each other's presence without recrimination and anger. Learning to be OK with your EX is the best thing you can do for your kids.








( A thumbs Down for this answer??....lol...bite me! I stand by this one!)
Never ever allow yourself to use the kids to get money or anything else out of your soon to be ex. Never use the kids as a weapon. When he gets remarried do not be nasty to the new wife or allow your children to be nasty to her. Keep the lines of communication open between you and your ex. Do not take more in the divorce then is fair. Do not make ridiculous demands in the divorce papers. Unless your ex is LEGALLY an unfit parent, give him pure joint custody with no primary (this is completely doable in many states).
the kids will suffer because all they want is mom and dad together. he has to stay active in their lives and both you and him don't put the other down in front of the kids. i have seen a mother destroy her kids lives bye putting the kids in the middle of the b.s. games try to remain adults and care for the children and their needs. good luck it will be hard.
i know you have had alot of answere's to your question, but there is only one thing that can fix this...God, im telling you, its the best solution......when i was little my parents got divorced and to this day i still cry about it!


God can change everything...just pray and read the Bible, be totally comitted! (He understands!)





watch ';FireProof';
You are doing the right thing. You know it won't work and it is time to end it.





The kids will suffer some, but you will do what you need to to minimize their suffering. Keep their dad in their lives and don't bad mouth him.





My advice is this.


Tell him you want a divorce.


Get a good attorney (but not a bulldog unless he gets one. If he does, get yourself one too).


File for divorce and get it over with.


Move out or have him move out.


Keep positive communication going with your spouse.


Don't use the children as a bargaining chip.


Make sure they see their dad often. Welcome him into the home to visit and play with them if you can tolerate it.





You are young, young, young. Tell yourself that. You have plenty of time to get yourself established into a new life and if you want to date again later, you can do that too.





Really, the world is at your feet! Don't let a bad marriage keep you down.





Also...if you have done something harmful to cause the marriage to end, you need to tell him you are sorry.
Because you have children with this man my best advice to you is to try very hard to make the divorce go as easily as possible. I can only hope that you and your husband can part on a good basis and keep in mind that these children need to know both their parents. If you get custody you will also be granted child support so be sure that you do receive it as ordered. Right now, do find some work even if it means you have to be away from your children for the time. Start saving some money and prepare to be able to find a suitable home for you and the kids if you aren't able to stay in the one you are in. Prepare yourself for a number of emotions you will experience because one by one they will hit you. Face each emotion and handle yourself with confidence and pride. Good luck and I sincerely hope that you can part on a friendlier basis than most couples do for the sake of these precious children.
Focus on children only. If a man cannot be an asset to your family, dont bother. Dont allow men in your house, around your children or in your bed. {There are programs to assist you through this. Look into those programs. Make sure in the divorce decree that you claim both children on taxes. Sometimes attorneys use this as a bargining tool and you end up taken advantage of while you still raise, educate and provide while in some cases dont get the child support needed. No tax breaks for dad. Make sound decisions now which are reflected in the decree.. Years from now may be too late. Take your time and never sigh on the doted line until you have advise from a trusted person with wisdom. Your childrens future depends on your decisions made today. Good luck
I am 28 and a mother of two and have been married 4 years and I know exactly how you feel because I am going through the same thing. I am a stay at home mom and really scared as well. Its almost like staying in the marriage and dealing with the crap is easier but in the end its the kids who are hurting the most by staying. Sorry I can't tell you what to do because I don't even know but just know you aren't the only one going through this even though right now it might feel like you are. I guess your best bet is talking with family and friends and letting them know is a good idea so they can be there to support you. Being alone during a time like this is the worst. Good luck to you and your kids.