Divorce advice!!!! Please only answer if you personally have had or are having experience with divorce....?

I have been married for 13 years. I got married when I was 17, and now regret it. My husband is a very controling person, and treats me with little dignity. I can't have friends, have to watch how I dress, and feel trapped. The worst part is that it was always drilled into me as a child, that marraige is for better or for worse, and divorce should never be an option. I feel sick when I think about leaving, but I know in the long run it would be best for both of us. Please help!!Divorce advice!!!! Please only answer if you personally have had or are having experience with divorce....?
I know exactly what you mean. I married as a teenager to and stuck it out for 25 years. I didn't have the job qualifications to stand on my own and one day went back to school. It was hard but I managed with a controlling husband and 4 kids. One day I left and never went back and a couple years latter met a very decent man and we fell in love. I 've been remarried for 13 years and life is so much better now. I know how scarey leaving a relationship can be but I know now that I was only addicted to that 1st husband and fear kept me stuck from moving on in my life. The one thing you can do is find your inner strength and the courage to get a counselor to show you there are options in your life than to settle for unhappiness in it. Your afraid and it's really easy to stay on your safe zone because with him you know what you can expect if nothing else. But, trust me there's a great big world out there with a lot of wonderful people in it that will bring you up in life and not down. You deserve to be yourself and be the best you can be without someone else holding you back. Surround yourself with good family and friends and make that change in your life because life is way to short to be here miserable. Be the becon of light and lead the way for your own children to realize they never have to settle for anything but the good in their lives and be respected by the one special person that should love them and help them get the best out of life.Divorce advice!!!! Please only answer if you personally have had or are having experience with divorce....?
Been there, done that, too. Marriage vows are not unconditional. When the ';worse'; is abuse, no one is expected to remain married, and what you describe is extremely abusive. I stayed in a similar marriage for 18 years, for the same reasons, until someone talked some sense into me about marriage vows: they go both ways.





Most marriage vows say something to the effect that you're both going to be nice to each other in various ways. When one person has broken the vows, the other person can no longer be held to them.





He has broken those vows in his controlling/abusive behavior. You are free to leave.
I was raised the same way and stayed in a very unhappy marriage for 16 years!





You have to determine what YOU believe! If you are miserable, and you don't see a chance for things to get better, the you have to make the decision that is best for you! Divorce should be the last option! After thirteen years, haven't you tried? If you know that you have done everything...counseling included, to make your marriage work and you are still unhappy, then how much more of your life are you willing to sacrifice? You only get one chance on this earth...why would you want to live it with someone who treats you badly?





Good luck!
I have marriage problems too! We can always be friends. No harm done right? As long as you enjoy drinking out socially, partying out and hanging out with others couples and enjoy life to the fullest. Lately I have made friends with a 32 widow woman, a 28 unhappily married woman and a 29 divorce girl. I enjoy hanging out with them all, but some of these guys scare the jibbies from me. So I love them as friends only. Be like me! Make tons and tons of male/female friends with separated, divorced, widow and independents guys all over the place. Barbcue cookouts, drinking socially and listening to music and dancing together and just have plain fun in life in general. I enjoy the ';Life of a Party'; women alot. I didn't know they still exist in their 30's and 40's. Goodluck!
I had the same things drilled into my head growing up. here I am 2 divorces later. While divorce may seem like a very scary thing, the relief you feel once you get out from under a stressful situation is unbelievable. You wonder how life could be so sweet. Now I don't want to paint too rosy a picture. Divorce is very stressful and can be very ugly. Once you get through it though, you will be happy.
I was married to my first husband a total of 18 years. It may say ';for better or worse'; but IT DOES NOT say ';and throughout all types of abuse';. Drop the weight hon. He is either very insecure or cheating and projecting the guilt onto you.
Its just a matter of time. Just get it over with. The hardest part is getting through the initial shock. Take some time to get to know yourself and enjoy yourself. From your question, you are about 30. You still have time, don't rush into anything. Make sure the guy know you, and you know him completely, before you get into another relationship. Good Luck!!!
Forget what was drilled into you about marriage. Divorce the controlling jerk. And then that sickness that you're enduring will go away. And if people think so much of your hubby, they won't have a problem letting him move into their place.
Don't think about what anyone told you as a child because that was they're mind-state and opinion. You're an adult and you know what's best for you. You have to do what's in your heart and not worry about what anybody else thinks or says you should do. Good Luck! :)
been there done that...the controlling will only worsen, i actually had to end up hating the heck out of my ex, to get strong enough to leave him...i am soo much better off emotionally...i am poorer, but wiser..
Your not a child anymore,, and that was yesterday,, today is today if you dont like it change it, we all have a choice, in life make one for you and no one else,, smile and good luck
To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt.. ';No-one makes you feel inferior without your own consent';





You've contributed to this as well. Make changes in your relationship first before looking to divorce.
I think you should go through with it. I bet once it's all over you will feel so much better. Good Luck to you.
what are you afraid of? leave the bastard! my leaving my husband was the best thing i ever did.
I also believe that a marriage is to the end, I also believe that the mental welfare of myself must come first. There are a lot of ways that this can go here or there though. You said controlling, but you also said that you married when you were 17 (duh) and you have been married for 13 years. Why did you marry at 17, did you get pregnant and marry for the kid? Has he been controlling all this time and you are just now sick of it? In what way controlling, you said you have to watch how you dress. Do you mean you can't go around with your **** and *** hanging out? I watch how I dress for my husband, but I don't see it as control, I see it as respect. My husband wants those parts of my body to be for his eyes only, and I have enough respect for him that I gladly grant him that. Also, you can't have friends? You mean he doesn't let you talk to anyone, you can't go to lunch with a girlfriend? If that is the case than you need to take back your life and tell him your going out to lunch, or to go shopping, or whatever. And if he doesn't like it then he doesn't get to go out with his buddies either, or just simply too bad. If he gets violent then you run and get a divorce. Your parents did good telling you marriage is supposed to be forever, too bad they forgot to teach you to get to know the person you are going to marry, or at least to become an adult first.


Everyone screams divorce, which is what has made marraige today a joke. Unless he is abusing you mentally or physically you should make it work, or become another statistic of women who ';it was just too hard for';!!
Long and short of it...being as unhappy as you sound, you're holding your life up. Is his lack of regard and respect for you worth that much to you?





Do you want to spend the rest of your life being treated like a piece of s***?


Or like you're a moron and have no useful purpose in life but to do his bidding?





If you can answer ';no'; to those questions, why stay? You in fact did have a part in how he treats you. You also have a part in how long you're willing to let it continue.








You're young, have decision making faculties. It doesn't matter how you were raised. Don't you feel that you deserve better than what he has to offer?





Until YOU feel that you DO deserve quality and dignity in your life, you'll likely stay with him. Why? Because it's what you know and are comfortable with...even though you're unhappy.





It's always hard to face the ';unknown'; by yourself, making it easier to stay.





I hope that makes sense to you. A counselor can help you gain insight (reasons why you hooked up with him to start with) and strength to either stay or leave.





Anyway, that's my 2 cents and I wish you all the best.
2 x's divorced. 1st was and is an abusive monster (have 2 girls).I too married at 17 and he made my life a living hell and back, after 23 yrs later, found he was charged w/2degree assault w/his 2nd wife of 6months. 2nd husband was a bit obsessed with me and thought he came first and not my children (boy did he get that wrong). He also got into the Internet chat thing and cheated on me (married 7 years-were 2gether for around 10+plus total). I went from a size 12 to a 22 (yes, 22)at 5 feet, you can only imagine the rest. One day I got myself a treadmill and not only did I start to work on myself but I also went back to work and saved my money(my girls at this point were becoming teenagers). Put down a deposit on my own place -the rest is history. I am still a size 12 but need to loose more weight for my height and health, I am happily married 3rd and last time ever! My daughter love love love their step dad who they call ';the only dad they have ever had';. We've are going to be 2gether 8yrs this year and still write love notes and spend every moment 2gether, i also have an angel of a stepdaughter who is 11yrs old. I could go on and believe me i have paid my dues in life. The moral of the story- people don't change- get rid of toxic waste around you! People like your husband and my exes are what i called (you're going to love this and remember this in life) ';NEGATIVE EQUITY';. For better or for worse doesn't mean for misery! Don't be trapped by your comfort zone and your husband. Life is calling you out there but be very careful in how you approach this with him. Always be one step ahead. Good luck to you