I want a divorce... Advice?

My husband and I are in what is termed as a sexless marriage. In the last two years we might have had sex 10 times. I have tried talking to him about it, I've asked him to seek therapy - I asked him to come see a sex therapist with me. He simply refuses, and says he's working on it, but when I approach him he turns me down. Now, when I try to talk to him about it he flies of the handle, or sigh and say 'not this again.' I've given him time to sort it out, and he keeps making empty promises. I am tired of living like this. I'm desperately lonely and unhappy. It's affecting me in a bad way. Emotionally I'm wrecked and I'm 'nasty' when I don't want to be.





He is my best friend, and I love him dearly but asking me to live like this isn't fair. And he's doing nothing from his side to fix things. I have brought up divorce about this very issue before and he called me petty and childish. I want the conversation to be civil and not have it turn to threats (last time he threatened to take our son away). He's a good father and a good provider, and I wish I could be happy with just those two things. I realise his problem isn't me. I took it personally in the past, but I now know that it has nothing to do with me. I've tried to help him, but I can't help him if he's not willing to accept he does have a problem and is willing to work WITH ME to make our marriage work on all levels. I have done all I can from my side.





Just thinking of leaving him tears me apart, but I can't go on like this. I've decided to wait until after Christmas before bringing it up, no need to spoil everyone's festive season... can you give me some advice? What do I say? How do I stop it from turning into something ugly? He has a tendency to start screaming and cutting me off when I try to talk - I want us to sit down and have a proper conversation about this, then decide how to proceed.





Any advice will be greatly appreciated.I want a divorce... Advice?
Write him a letter saying this exact thing. Sometimes what you say and what he hears are two different things, but everything you just said there is pretty clear that enough is enough and he needs to figure things out. Give him a little longer to figure it out, you owe that to yourself and your son...but ultimately you are not in the wrong because you should not have to put up with that. You can't be with someone that doesn't make you 100% happy and has given up.I want a divorce... Advice?
sex is bad?

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I think you should share this question with him.





Help with my question: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
tell him it is over. it was over 2 years ago.
How old is he?


When did he have his last physical?


Heart problems?
move on
Wow, I think this is horrible. You say your husband is your best friend and you love him dearly and that he's a good father and a good provider and you want to divorce him just because he's got a problem in the bedroom? Do you have any idea how many beaten, abused women would love to have your problem? Get a vibrator! But divorcing someone who sounds like a dream man who might have a legitimate health problem is a shining example of why we have a 50% divorce rate in this country.
I KNOW THIS ANSWER IS A MILE LONG BUT THIS IS IMPORTANT, BEAR WITH ME:





please don't do anything in haste.


these answers may help you or confuse you more


but you must seriously think before you act.


i too, went through this exact thing. it turms out there was a lot of resentment between us that transferred itself to our sex life.


my man felt guilty and demasculated and so it got worse. he was faithful to me but his confusion about why we were no longer having sex made him even question his orientation and i did the same even having a crush on woman for a few years i felt too guilty to look at other men..


he may not want to have sex because he is so steeped in resentment that he is afraid of having another child with you. this is common in men's sex issues.


4 times in 3 yrs. was how much we had sex.


we were married for 5. he too was my best friend and i love him still so much. i am going to tell you what i did and what i wish i had done.


i ran away from the marrriage and went to a foriegn country for nearly a year. i went out with a younger man and had the greatest sex of my life until i was exhausted.


i learned about myself and even changed careers for the better.


but, now, instead of spending a lovely christmas with my family which was him and my momm and inlaws i spend christmas alone,


no longer having my husband to help me get along with my mom, and not being with him either. we tried counseling and it was hard,


we gave up early on. he resisted fixing things and i resented


having to make it happen.


ultimatley i understand now that i ran away from commitment (due to issues i have emotionally growing up without a dad)


even though that's what i wanted more than anything.


okay bottom line, he is still there, not


out the door, you can make this work. don't lose your family over sex.


go to a counselor. stick with it even it kills for the first few months,


try to seperate yourself as a ';wife'; and ask yourself


what a friend would do or a bright new girlfriend would do when he acts difficult. step away from your feelings and try to see it differently to find new ways of being and getting along.


dom yoga and take a class, tell him that you want tofind things that are golden within yourself so you can be there for him in a stronger way, develop your own self confidence and be strong, find things to do with the kids and him that you would both enjoy.


give the gift this year of standing by and doing whatever you need to to keep your family together.


perhaps this is not for you, but at least a year from now you will know that you really put your all into it and won't go through the enormous pain of what-if later.


i really regret ending my marriage and trust me being single is not really what it's cracked up to be. as a matter of fact it's downright awful. hang in there give it a year, this is your life and you should not rush something this huge. good luck.
';He is my best friend'; %26lt;-- This must be very hard for you. I'm sorry. There is something wrong here. Something either emotionally or biologically. It could be as easy as he's gay, but hasn't come out (I've known married gay men). Anyway, if he's not gay and you're sure, read the book ';I Don't Want to Talk About It'; by Terrence Real. It's about male depression and it's an excellent book. Also try to get counseling, and you can try really hard to get him to go to. If you can't afford it, see if any universities nearby offer free counseling at their Psychology department clinics. Good luck and read that book - I think it will be very useful in your case. Also, don't ever just ';give up.'; Try do do all you can to fix it and even write down all you've tried. If none of it works after a while then either talk about having an ';open marriage'; or else divorce. I think the divorce would be best, since you could then find a husband all your own who you can grow old with and also have a more regular sex life. Good luck!
So complicated. Good luck.





Face it, your tortured inside. Cant leave but cant take it anymore. What do I do?





You could have an affair.


You can divorce him.


You can stay and put all your energy into your childre/work/hobbies and wait til he dies.





Pick one
This is easy.





Go to a lawyer and have the attorney send him a simple letter that you have contacted him and that you are seeking a divorce.





I think your husband's attitude will change when he sees black and white.
You can not control how he reacts to the news, just expect him to react badly. ONE person cannot save a marriage and if he doesnt do his part to save it...it says to me that he does not care enough. There are remedies and medications out there easily to get via a doctor to put him in the mood and for him to not even seek medical attention is selfish and unfair. DO whatever you can live with.
I'm not going to say yes or no. But I will advise you to remember 2 things...





You have kids. He will always be in your life. Its not like they go away once the divorce is final. Think of all the important events in your life that are upcoming. Graduations, Proms, Birthdays, Weddings, Grandchildren. He will always be at those.





If you do decide to divorce him. Write the decree based on the NEW wife. Best advice I was given when my husband walked out and its saving my ()*$% since he remarried a month ago.
I would be careful not to point the finger at him, or blame him, even if that's how you feel. Make an appointment with a therapist by yourself and talk to that person about how to approach this sensitive subject with your husband. They will be able to tell you the right things to say to get him to open up about the issue. Then tell him you both need to go talk to someone or you don't think this will work. Don't make it just about the sex, say you feel that your relationship has grown apart, that's a less embarrassing way to approach the subject on his part.
I hope this doesn't sound rude but are you overweight or have saggy stomach or boobs. I'm sorry for being so blunt. But that is like a huge problem with some people when it comes to having sex. Also When my friends husband wasn't having sex with her she found out that he was seeing someone for over a year. plus there is really nothing to talk about, he knows how you feel already if he hasn't changed, then you should just leave and separate so he can have time to think about what he really wants to do. It wont help if your there. Don't ever threaten him with his child that's not rite no matter what.
Sounds like you have done what you can do, and you can't force others to do things they do not want to. You have control of your life and live it as you like. After you leave, you will feel depressed and want to go back, but think of the time you had without sex, except now you are in control of it. Good luck.
A lot of times we like to use the word divorce but divorce isn't the answer all the time now the first thing you should do is hire a private investigator to see if he is cheating..........or get one of your girlfriends or yourself and investigate if he's not cheating it might be impotence which he will never talk to you about try talking to his mother on the down low and just let her know some things not all and if all else fails get two things a good vibrator and a dog *** attorney know your rights.
He has a duty to give you sex and you to give him sex


it is biblical it is in the bible in Corinthians I think


but yeah he needs counseling he could have ED





you are never too old for sex....


Oh yeah did you know that working out helps blood flow and brain activity which could jump start other things...





or you know cheaters stop making love with thier lovers also


not saying he is.......





This is not grounds for divorce


cheating is but no sex is not


If nothing is wrong with him then he is just being lazy with giving you some sex that is all


but talk to him





not to mention men with ed or penile problems will not admit to it.... It is a blow to some men's egos


I think you should jump his bones regardless lol
Get the necessary information you need to get to make the divorce final and present him with it. Getting a divorce from someone who's not giving you the love you need is totally valid. A man shouldn't turn his wife down like that nor should a woman turn her husband down. I've actually read this in the bible. Sorry I don't have the scripture as of now. But anyway I think this is serious. You don't want to be married to someone and then feel as though you have to cheat or anything extreme like that to get what you need. He needs to know how important this is and pray that maybe he'll change. Just hope for the best and I will keep you in my prayers =) Best wishes to you and happy holidays.
Tell you what I have been married to the same woman for 24 yrs now. It would be alot easier to email me and I will be glad to tell you some things. If not then hope you find the answer your looking for. I am telling you this because all the answers I have read so far are people telling you to give up. Thats why there are to many div these days because nobody really wants to try. Or they think they try and then give up. HAs my marriage of 24 yrs been easy? Heck no. But all I am saying is marriages take work. More work than what people realize.
I will give you the best advice i have and that is from my personal experience.I have an x husband and we were married for many yrs.It grew into something that made me a miserable unhappy person.I loved him but wasnt in love with him.I will always have feelings for him because he is the father of my children but he didnt want me to leave either and i felt badly too but at some point you have to think of yourself and your feelings.We deserve to be happy.We deserve to be soo inlove that we can stand it.I know that you dont want to hurt him and i know that you feel bad just thinking about it but you have to do what is best and what is right and that is to just leave.Do it whatever way u think will be easiest but just do it.Talk to him and tell him what you feel and how you feel and if you already have and he is still not fine with it then you have done all you can and you need to just pack your bags and go or he pack his bags and go.You deserve to be happy.Good luck.I wish you the best